George Carlin, comedic legend, died today of heart failure at St. John’s medical center in Santa Monica, CA.

Carlin was a pioneer in the realm stand-up comedy, pushing the limits of good taste before it was cool. His epitaph would be complete with the “Seven Words You Can Never Say On Television”: Shit, Piss, Fuck, Cunt, CockSucker, MotherFucker and Tits.

RIP

Reports surfaced that the great Nate Dogg had died due to complications from a stroke he suffered in January. These reports are false. Nate Dogg lives on.

As we reported last week, a Brazilian priest has gone missing after attempting to raise money by breaking a world record for the longest amount of time suspended in the air by party balloons. The money was to be used to build a truck stop rest area / church. Father Adelir Antonio de Carli, missing since April 20, is now feared dead. After 135 hours the Brazilian Navy called off the search, although private fishermen are continuing to look for the missing reverend.

From the Associated Press:

Brazil navy ends search for missing balloonist priest

By STAN LEHMAN – 3 days ago

SAO PAULO, Brazil (AP) — Brazil’s navy has dropped its search for a priest who vanished more than a week ago while floating over the Atlantic with a cluster of party balloons, a spokeswoman said Monday.

The Rev. Adelir Antonio de Carli has been missing since April 20, shortly after he lifted off from the southern port city of Paranagua strapped to 1,000 helium-filled balloons.

Navy spokeswoman Lt. Catia Sandri said the hunt, conducted with one helicopter and two boats, was called off over the weekend because no sign of the priest was found after 135 hours of searching.

She said several private fishing boats were still looking for the Roman Catholic priest, but said chances of finding de Carli alive in the ocean are “very remote.”

The air force ended its four-day search for the priest on Thursday after its planes covered more than 1,900 square miles of land and sea.

Fire department rescue teams continued looking for the 41-year-old priest in densely forested coastal mountains, said Deputy Fire Commander Paulo Eduardo Neves.

The priest had been trying to raise money to build a rest stop and worship center for truckers.

Even though our blogging staff consists mainly of pseudo-religious non-denominational Christians, pagans and Jews, we are sending our prayers anyway. That’s the kind of priest we want in this world - the fearless, adventurous and dirigible kind.

Sometime in 2005 I made a journey to New Zealand. Most of the details of this trip are very irrelevant to the purpose of this post, so don’t mind as I skip to a certain story.

Me and a friend I was traveling with were hitch-hiking from Nelson Creek NZ (after visiting the Nelson Creek Skateboard factory) to a remote town also on the South Island of New Zealand. It was raining, damn hard and freaking cold. A kind, yet eccentric man pulled over and offered us a well-recieved ride. His car was packed, he could barely fit our bags, let alone us and our damp fabrics. He strongly expressed that he would normally never pick up a hitch-hiker, but that this time he had some sort of hunch that we were American.

It didn’t take me long to label him as your run-of-the-mill conspiracy nut, filled with facts, fears and rationalizations about the government. But as time went on intellect and genius began to peak through his fact-less arguments. He talked heavily about the health care scam, false prophecies, the world bankers’ scam and New Orleans (which had happened 5-6 weeks earlier). He explained how humans were to be sorted into categories once martial law took place; green for the fully impressioned (zombies), yellow for those who needed further conditioning (the sell-outs) and red, those who would be a ‘danger’ to society and would need to be terminated (the revolutionaries). After that bit I was sure the guy was crazy, and nothing really sunk in until he made a certain direct prophecy, one that stuck with me all these years.

He predicted that the United States was going to ‘kill’ a spy satellite, and this event would somehow cause a conflict with Russia, thus starting a major conflict, such as a nuclear war. He also said this would happen Early 2008.

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According to the Norwegian tabloid Verdens Gang, Kaja Bordevich Ballo, daughter of Norwegian Parliament member Olav Gunnar Ballo, reportedly took her own life [English translation] after scoring poorly on a Scientology personality test. There is some skepticism as to the validity of the report. The results of the test were time-stamped just hours before Ballo’s death, but this could merely be an excuse to cover up the real cause of death, given that Kaja comes from a politically motivated family.

As you may have heard, the personality test, also called the Oxford Capacity Analysis (OCA) or American Personality Analysis, is offered free by the Church of Scientology and comprises an integral part of their recruitment efforts. The test however, has been extensively criticized as it almost exclusively yields negative results. Here are some testimonials from people who have taken the test:
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Charlton Heston, the gun toting, NRA representing curmudgeon died today at the age of 84 in his Beverly Hills home. He ruled in the original Planet of the Apes movie and appeared in over 60 films throughout his career.

From Sky News in the UK:

The actor - who starred in epic roles from Moses to Michelangelo - had been battling Alzheimer’s disease in recent years.

His family said in a statement: “To his loving friends, colleagues and fans, we appreciate your heartfelt prayers and support.

“Charlton Heston was seen by the world as larger than life.
“He was known for his chiseled jaw, broad shoulders and resonating voice, and, of course, for the roles he played. “Indeed, he committed himself to every role with passion, and pursued every cause with unmatched enthusiasm and integrity. “We knew him as an adoring husband, a kind and devoted father, and a gentle grandfather, with an infectious sense of humor.
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