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I hold with the utmost contention that Nickelback is the indeed the lamest mainstream rock band of the last 25 years. Lamer than Creed, lamer than Poison, lamer than even Limp Bizkit. I’m listening to “Rockstar” right now, and I just can’t believe it. Is there no limit to Nickelback’s level of cheese? A sample of lyrics:

I wanna be great like Elvis without the tassels
Hire eight body guards that like to beat up assholes
Sign a couple autographs
So I can eat my meals for free
(I’ll have the quesadilla, ha, ha)

The popularity of this band simply baffles me. All of their songs reek. I’m not saying they’re bad guys—they do what they can for charity and all that jazz. But their music is just the most absurd melodramatic bullshit imaginable. All The Right Reasons 7x platinum? Dear God. It’s all too much…