Last week Andy Dick got kicked out of the Hard Rock Hotel in Vegas because his pit bull bit a guest and he was a sloppy mess. Now he has some bigger problems on his plate: sex and drug charges. He was arrested in Riverside County for investigation of sexual battery and his drug use.

Dick, 42, was arrested around 2 a.m. this morning in a parking lot outside Buffalo Wild Wings Grill & Bar. He is being held on $5,000 bail. He probably isn’t going to get off too easy seeing as he has been arrested for marijuana and cocaine possession, drove his car into a telephone pole in Hollywood and was cited for urinating public. Time for another stint in rehab.

This is a bummer for Matt Jones.

When hanging out in Arkansas, it would probably be best not to do hard drugs in public. Unfortunately, this thought did not occur to the Jacksonville Jaguar’s wide receiver, who was busted chopping up lines in his car early Thursday morning. Police also found a jar with “marijuana residue,” which probably isn’t going to help Jones’ situation. Good luck, buddy.

I posted a Nature Boy blog earlier, so might as well continue the trend for laughs. In this particular installment, Vader and Flair are gunning for Hogan, and Flair looks like he just stepped out of a Cure video. Yeah, man. These guys did lots of cocaine…

There was a huge drug bust at San Diego State today. Nearly 100 people arrested for selling drugs in “Operation Sudden Fall”. 75 of them were students, more than a few of them studying for a degree in criminal justice and homeland security. The DEA infiltrated seven frats, where students regularly bought coke from frequently enough for one of the Theta Chi bros to send out mass text messages to his “faithful” customers advertising a sale on cocaine.

Check out the confiscated items list: four pounds of cocaine, 50 pounds of marijuana and 350 ecstasy pills. Authorities also confiscated a shotgun, three semiautomatic pistols and $60,000.

DAMN! Kids these days!

In order to help paint her opponent Barack Obama as the “elitist” candidate, on the heels of his recent remarks in San Francisco that small town Midwesterners “get bitter, they cling to guns or religion or antipathy to people who aren’t like them or anti-immigrant sentiment or anti-trade sentiment as a way to explain their frustrations,” Hillary Clinton took shots of Crown Royal and ate a slice of pizza with Indiana supporters on Saturday. Hopefully this marks a new turn in the contest for the Democratic nomination, in which Clinton and Obama see who can party hardest. Maybe Obama will start doing cocaine again. But that might be a little too “elitist.” He should probably switch to Meth, and really get after that small town vote!

The reason is you can do pretty much whatever the hell you want. Like if you’re Robin Williams and you decide “fuck it, wifey’s getting old, and that artist I was introduced to at that party was making eyes. It’s ON.” Pretty sure that’s exactly how it happened. The celebrity-gossip blogosphere is BUZZING with the news that Funnyman Robin Williams has been boinking 27-year-old artist Charlotte Filbert. This was originally reported by the bastions of supermarket aisle integrity, The National Enquirer. No, I’m pretty sure they didn’t use the term “boinking.” That’s all mine. Trying to bring that one back. The pair were introduced by mutual friend Ally Hillfinger (erstwhile television personality and daughter of Tommy).

In the Feudal Age Kings could be - and indeed were SUPPOSED to be - dirty old men. In fact, for us mere mortal men, that’s like the one thing we have to look forward to once the pubes go gray: being a dirty old man. Infidelity aside, I can sympathize with poor Williams, 56 years old, famous and deciding he wants to fuck something that less resembles a baseball mitt (no offense to soon-to-be former Mrs. Williams, I’m speaking in general here).

Wait, never mind. Yeeeeeichh. Maybe 25 years ago… The couple had been separated for upwards of two years (as some reports claim), and divorce papers were filed on 3/21/08. Now the Williams will be working out the blood money…and this claim surfaces two weeks after the papers were filed? COINCIDENCE?

I guess that’s one thing that separates Feudal Royalty from Today’s Stars: You still gotta pay out the nose for your misdeeds. That and you don’t need to worry about getting scurvy.