Breath easy internet, I have returned to my blogging post. Over the last week and a half I’ve been journeying up the Pacific Coast with Bear Hunter . As it turns out, when I try and write on my laptop while in the van I start to puke all over my band mates — hence, my absence from Synthesis Blog. Over the next few days I will be recounting my harrowing journey (in between fascinating posts about pop stars getting busted for drugs, children with weird growths on their bodies and general paranoid-paranormal fodder). Get ready, dear readers. Get your asses ready.

Yves Behar, famous for inventing the Bluetooth Jawbone design and other gadgets, has created a water for kids that could potentially change the bottle water for kids market. Y Water gives options of four different kinds of water, including Muscle, Brain, Immune and Bone drinks.

The bottles are visually stimulating as well as 100% organic, being made of material that is biodegradable, as well as reuseable for entertainment purposes. Children are encouraged to build “Y Knots” out of the bottles, to further their own creativity.

More information can be found HERE and pictures after the jump. (more…)

White Men Can’t Jump, but a recent report shows Black Kids Can’t Swim:

Nearly 60 percent of African-American children can’t swim, almost twice the figure for white children, according to a first-of-its-kind survey. Stark statistics underlie the initiative by the national governing body for swimming. Black children drown at a rate almost three times the overall rate. And less than 2 percent of USA Swimming’s nearly 252,000 members who swim competitively year-round are black.

Of course, like many of the societal ills facing the African American community, not being able to swim has its roots in America’s racist past:

The minority swimming gap has deep roots in America’s racial history. For decades during the 20th century, many pools were segregated, and relatively few were built to serve black communities.

John Cruzat, USA Swimming’s diversity specialist, said these inequalities were compounded by a widespread misperception—fueled by flawed academic studies—that blacks’ swimming ability was compromised by an innate deficit of buoyancy.

“There are people who still give credence to these stereotypes, even in the black and Hispanic community,” said Cruzat, who wants to break the cycle that passes negative attitudes about swimming from one black generation to another.

A Georgia elementary school teacher was in for a surprise last Friday when 8-9 of her students, both boys and girls, planned to bind and stab her after being angered over the scolding of a fellow student for standing on a chair. The extent of the students’ planning and premeditated preparation is astonishing:

Police Chief Tony Tanner said the students apparently planned to knock the teacher unconscious with a glass paperweight, bind her with handcuffs and duct tape and then stab her with a broken steak knife.

The scheme involved a division of roles, Tanner said. One child’s job was to cover windows so no one could see outside, and another was supposed to clean up after the attack. Associated Press

It’s not clear how many of the students really knew of the intent to harm the teacher as some said they simply thought it was a joke. Nevertheless two students were arrested on juvenile charges, and a third arrest is expected. In the end the no one was harmed, but things could have been worse. Even if the students hadn’t intended to kill their teacher, who can really say how it all would’ve turned out. One thing’s for sure though, stories like this aren’t really going help fulfill any shortage of teachers in the US. Molding young minds seems to be more dangerous than ever.

-Handcuffs and Knife the children planned to use.

So last night Synthesis designer www.RyanWheaton.co.uk hit me up and sent me a link to Cockeyed.com, which is a pretty cool site containing articles of wonderful randomness (Pranks? Naughty food items? 1,000 photos of some grrl named Amber? You got it!). The piece in question was a blog about removable tattoos available at Toys R Us. But not the lovable ladybug / smiley-sun / rainbows-and-pot-of-gold icons I remember from my removable tattoo days. No. Removable Lower back Tattoos. Fucking Tramp Stamps for Kiddies.

Now, I’m no prude. I appreciate it when girls give you a target to aim at and everything, but back tattoos aren’t necessarily the classiest thing. Nothing to get kicked out of bed for, but still… HOWEVER, removable back tattoos for CHILDREN is one of the most disgusting things I’ve ever heard (and this is coming from the guy who references amputee porn in a blog about the Miss Landmine Survivor Pageant…). Fucking pop that butterfly pattern over your 3rd grade honor student’s ass, get her ready to spread it around town by Jr. High. Fuck. Fuck fuck fuck fuck…CLASSY!

What really fucks me up a little is that the Cockeyed article uses pictures from the Toys R Us at Arden fair Mall in Sacramento - the same place my mom bought my Legos, Nintendo games and GI Joes. The really sad thing is I’m pretty sure my half-sister would squeal “HOW CUTE! GIMME” and immediately plaster it on her 2 year old’s rumpback. Eghad, babies making babies making bad decisions. Thanks Toys R Us, just…thanks.

Remember the other day when I was going on about Aqua Dots and Bindeez, and how China is poisoning our children in an attempt to wipe out our future generations? More lead paint products were recalled today.

Name of Product: Children’s Fashion Sunglasses

Units: About 51,000

Importer/Distributor: Dolgencorp Inc., of Goodlettsville, Tenn.

Hazard: The yellow surface paint on the sunglasses may contain excessive levels of lead, violating the federal lead paint standard.Description: The recall involves yellow children’s sunglasses. No other colors of sunglasses are included in this recall. The word “CHINA” is printed on the left side of the frame. The UPC #400007860896 and words “Fashion Sunglasses” and “Time to Play Every Day” are printed on the product’s red hangtag.

Sold at: Dollar General stores nationwide from March 2005 through October 2007 for $1.

Manufactured in: China

YOU SEE!!!!!! China is seriously out to get us.