In defiance against both the will of man and God, somehow Jenna Jameson has conceived a child. This is a shocking twist of events in the scientific community, as a team of NASA engineers routinely goes into her uterus and sterilizes with flamethrowers.

She’s apparently pretty stoked on the whole issue, though. From the internetz:

“She had a bunch of meetings and things planned for Fashion Week, including meetings for her own line, but she’s postponed everything,” said our source. “She’s completely thrilled, this is something she’s wanted for a very long time.” Jameson miscarried during her marriage to Jay Grdina, whom she divorced in 2006. She also once failed with in vitro.

Her boyfriend, UFC badass Tito Ortitz, is probably someone that would take offense to internet goons bashing his girlfriend and baby, so in the spirit of goodwill, CONGRATULATIONS!

Iraq veteran PFC Joseph Dwyer, famed in a patriotic wave in 2003 for the above picture in which he is rescuing an Iraqi child at Mt. Sinai, was found dead at his North Carolina home after apparent abuse of a computer aerosol.

Dwyer returned home from the war in 2006, already suffering from post-traumatic stress. He was unable to hold a job, clung to his firearms and fell into deep depression. He was treated at VAs but nothing helped. Dwyer’s recent death at age 31 will stand as an ironic tragedy.

Breath easy internet, I have returned to my blogging post. Over the last week and a half I’ve been journeying up the Pacific Coast with Bear Hunter . As it turns out, when I try and write on my laptop while in the van I start to puke all over my band mates — hence, my absence from Synthesis Blog. Over the next few days I will be recounting my harrowing journey (in between fascinating posts about pop stars getting busted for drugs, children with weird growths on their bodies and general paranoid-paranormal fodder). Get ready, dear readers. Get your asses ready.

After reading the Anthony Kiedis biography Scar Tissue of his crazy, insane and badass life I found this picture kind of amusing. And no one is freaking out about car seat safety like with Britney Spears? Ha.

Seriously, George Lucas, employ this child NOW.