A record low number of Salmon returning to California and Oregon tributaries to spawn last year has raised the possibility that the Pacific Fishery Management Council, a federal agency created to manage the fishery along the West Coast, may outright cancel the entire 2008 salmon fishing season:

Such a move would jeopardize the livelihoods of close to 1,000 commercial fishermen from Santa Barbara to Washington State and would significantly drive up the price of West Coast wild salmon.

A decision to shut down the fishery also would kill recreational salmon fishing for some 2.4 million anglers in California, an activity that the American Sportfishing Association has estimated is worth $4 billion.

“This is unprecedented,” said Dave Bitts, a commercial salmon and crab fisherman based in Eureka. “The Sacramento fish are our bread and butter, and there are not even any crumbs. It’s horrible. It means half or more of my income is not going to be there at all this year.”

The reasons behind this precipitous drop are still somewhat undetermined, though its basically a game of pick-your-favorite:

The scientists, fishermen and tribal representatives at the meetings this week are trotting out various theories for the decline, including global warming, diversions of freshwater in the delta, pumping operations, a lack of nutrient rich deep ocean upwellings and exposure to pollutants. One document lists 46 possible reasons. Dygert said the death of so many salmon “is suggesting a broad-scale ocean survival problem.”

“One thing we know is that these fish had plenty of parents,” said Bitts. “Something has happened since then.”

Maybe this has something to do with it…

After “postponing” shows in Virigina and California for undisclosed reasons, Van Halen are finally putting their ill-fated tour out of its misery. According to TMZ, hotel bookings for the tour are already being cancelled:

We’re told arrangements are being made right now to cancel hotel stays for the tour — which was scheduled to continue through April 19th. Sources tell us the reason for the cancellation is Eddie — that he is having “issues.”

I think the real issue is that EVH realizes that he totally blew it by kicking Michael Anthony and his Jack Daniel’s bass out of the band. I mean, wouldn’t you miss this guy?

Sit down Waldo, tonight’s Van Halen Concert at John Paul Jones Arena in Charlottesville, VA has been postponed. According to the Richmond Times Dispatch the band’s equipment trucks had already arrived at the venue, suggesting a last-minute catastrophe. Normally we would speculate cocaine/herion overdose, but the boys are getting up there in age; perhaps heart attack or stroke? Maybe Eddie Van Halen’s hair is suffering from exhaustion. Either way, countless Budweiser-fueled tailgate parties will be postponed until an undetermined later date. Same goes for Monday’s concert in Duluth, GA.

John Paul Jones could not be reached for comment. But I still think his production on Butthole Surfers’ Independent Worm Saloon was totally badass.

Whatever, you still can’t front on the drum intro to “Hot For Teacher.”

In other news, I haven’t seen how Eddie Van Halen looks in a bit. Let’s check in:

Eghad! Keith Richards he isn’t. I guess decades of rock doesn’t suit everybody well. Wicked Witch of the West over here.