I got back from camping at the Bobolink Festival on Monday and I still haven’t been able to wash the hippie out of my hair. Shit, at least I didn’t come back with dreads…

This weekend I threw down the traipsing of indie rock and reverted to the 19 year old Spencer who traded ’70s Pink Floyd bootlegs with other longhairs; the one who found neither the smell of patchouli oil nor the color scheme of tie-dye totally atrocious. And I’m supposed to be writing about it for the Synthesis Weekly right now. But for some reason, the only thing i want to do is watch Jake and Amir videos and get stoned.

See this cat? His name is John Staton, he plays the skins for On The One, formerly of Karl Denson’s Tiny Universe. Staton stole the show for me, even after The Living legends’ Grouch and Eli tore it up the night before. On The one laid it down. God, I really should write this fucking review… Jake and Amir? Save me.

So it’s summer, eh? Most people are talking about camping, visiting the beach, swimming, and joining in on the coolest trend around, skin cancer. Stupid people. It’s summer. Stay home, enjoy air conditioning, because you never know what’s out there.

Nature is dirty. Ew times infinity plus twelve. I don’t like camping. There’s nothing too wonderful about laying on the ground, freezing your ass off, and having to pee in a bush. Plus there’s bugs, dirt, heat, bears, rain… and camping on the beach? No freakin’ way! Camping on the beach just includes freezing cold wind, rising tides, having to dig a hole in the sand to pee, sharks, and jellyfish. Anyone who knows me well enough knows that jellyfish are terrifying. I’m not down with that..

And now, just another reason to avoid the ocean.

Uh. No. This 550 pound monster just washed up on a beach in Australia. This is worse than “Jaws”. Say it with me.. hell to the naw. Nuh uh. Not going in the water. Screw that. Ew. Ick. Blegh. Barf. No. I’m definitely not down for that.

As for you other campers.. two words. Big. Foot. Seen at Lake Oroville as recently as three years ago. You know he’s sticking around for all those Chico State hawties.