John McCain warned today that the Republican Convention, set for next week in St.Paul, MN may have to be postponed due to Hurricane Gustav, which is currently pwning Cuba and on track to hit the Gulf Coast…you guessed it, right around the time McCain will be accepting his nomination. I’m not sayin, I’m just sayin…

Brought to us by Tinyprints.com, Brutally Honest Greeting Cards are just the kind of thing that I’ve been looking for.  There’s now no need to try to hide behind the overly fluffy bullshit Hallmak throws at you.  Instead, we have real, useful words to capture the thoughts we’re just too lazy to write on our own.  Here’s the one my girlfriend and I sent to each other on Flag Day… pretty embarrassing that we both found the same card.

Side note:  How much do those greeting card writers make?   There’s no way you can make a livable salary thinking up gems like “I Just Wanted You To Know… I Think You’re Special”. Fuck that shit. Furthermore, why do we feel the need to PAY for other people to write down the garbage that anyone with 5 seconds and 1/2 a brain could do themselves. I’m over this, it’s time to take a stand. I’m boycotting the greeting card industry all together.   Anyone with me?

All of it. Iran’s missiles? not just photoshopped, but made up. Jesse Jackson’s “hot mic”? Not really such an accident. Amazon lost tribe? Nope. Phones popping popcorn? Nope. You don’t even need conspiracy theories to explain shit anymore, it’s all just viral marketing, manipulative memetics, or just lazy idiocy. This is my face when I read the news:

While I was away on tour (the exploits of which will be posted in this space eventually…when I run out of other bullshit to write about…which will be never…), Video Matt posted a metric shit ton of videos from Warped Tour, and from his vault of content. I was sifting through them today to edit them words when I stumbled across a video Matt was yapping about yesterday, Rody Walker (Protest The Hero) and his letter to Metal Jake.

From Matt’s description I thought it was just Rody writing a letter to “Metal”; the greater concept, not just a friend of Matt’s. Perhaps my misinterpretation of Matt’s story will be the genesis of another Award Winning Manchild Drink Beer episode. Only time will tell. This video from Rody is still pretty BA though.

In between epic sessions of salmonella ass piss, I found time to post some bullshit to the front page, including an interview with John Fernandes from the Olivia Tremor Control and Circulatory System, and reviews of the new White Chapel disc, some crazy comp of Gypsy Music and Dieselboy’s new double disc (not to be confused with Diesel Boy, as I found out the hard way). Anyways, read it. Or don’t.

ESPN just put out its May version of the NFL power rankings. A quick gander will find the Super Bowl champion New York Giants logging in at number six, behind the Cowboys (who are in the same division!). I know folks will want to get hell bent on all of this, but it’s important to remember that it is May, and these rankings don’t mean shit. Here’s a complete list.