Pittsburgh police said today that Ashley Todd, the McCain campaign volunteer who claimed that a black man mugged her and carved a B into her face when he saw her McCain bumpersticker, has confessed to making it all up:

Police say a campaign volunteer confessed to making up a story that a mugger attacked her and cut the letter B in her face after seeing her McCain bumper sticker.

At a news conference this afternoon, officials said they believe that Ashley Todd’s injuries were self-inflicted. Todd, 20, of Texas, is now facing charges for filing a false report to police.

I guess the race war is gonna have to wait.

From the screaming front page headline on Drudgereport “MCCAIN VOLUNTEER MUTILATED IN PITTSBURGH” to lead stories on every other media outlet, Ashley Todd seemed like the most innocent of victims. According to the initial report, the college student and McCain campaign volunteer:

Was using an ATM at Liberty Avenue and Pearl Street just before 9 p.m. Wednesday when a man approached her and put a knife to her throat.

Police spokeswoman Diane Richard said the robber took $60 from Todd, then became angry when he saw a McCain bumper sticker on the victim’s car. The attacker then punched and kicked the victim, before using the knife to scratch the letter “B” into her face, Richard said.

Much hemming and hawing ensued. But then someone with half a brain actually thought that maybe this story was all too convenient. After all, though the incident happened at an ATM, is was apparently out of the view of the ATM’s camera. Also, Todd refused medical treatment at the scene, instead saying she would go to the hospital the next day her self. I mean, I know if someone carved a letter into my face, after beating me on the ground, I’d probably seek some help. But maybe she’s just tough?

Well then the photo surfaced, and for being carved into her face by a angry six-foot-four black man during an unprovoked assault, the wound sure was superficial. And it was also backwards, like it’d be if you were looking in a mirror and scratching it on your own face….but hey, maybe the attacker was standing upside down.

Equally iffy though was Todd’s Twittering for Lifeinthefield.com, which seemed like a pretty overwraught set-up for “SOMETHING BAD IS GONNA HAPPEN”…:

But, really though, who wants to be the one to accuse someone who may have just been assaulted in a traumatizing way of perhaps being a sorry excuse for an October Surprise? Apparently Pittsburgh Police:

Pittsburgh law enforcement sources tell TMZ they have serious questions about the authenticity of the alleged victim who says she had her face cut by a politically-motivated attacker.

We’re told there are several things about the alleged attack that don’t add up. A Pittsburgh PD official says they are conducting a “thorough investigation” and have not determined if the alleged attack is real or a hoax. But we’re told there is definitely a level of skepticism.

Oh boy.

A few miles up the road from our homebase here in Bumblefuck, CA is a town named Paradise, which is kind of a ballsy thing to name your town, especially one in semi-rural Northern California. Thus, it was lulz this summer when Paradise burned down, or at least some of it. But fire can’t keep the haters down; the parts of Paradise that are left are still full of aspiring klansmen and people who hate “niggers,” especially Barack Obama, as evinced by the following e-mail from the Paradise Center for Tolerance & Nonviolence:

Dear Friends,

PCTN has learned of three recent occurrences of Hate Graffiti / Incidents in our community.
An Obama sign was defaced with the word “nigger”.
WP (White Power) was painted on a wall.
A figure of a black man hanging by a noose was in someone’s front yard as a “Halloween decoration”. The Paradise Police Dept. acted promptly on this report and took steps to persuade the individual to remove the figure.

Insert Paradise pun here

Virginia GEORGIA (thanks anon) Congressman Lynn Westmoreland, who despite wanting to display the 10 Commandments in the Halls of Congress, famously couldn’t name them when asked on camera by Stephen Colbert (as shown in the video above) made himself look even more like an idiot today when he called Barack Obama “uppity” while discussing his new hero Sarah Palin:

“Just from what little I’ve seen of her and Mr. Obama, Sen. Obama, they’re a member of an elitist-class individual that thinks that they’re uppity,” Westmoreland said.

Asked to clarify that he used the word “uppity,” Westmoreland said, “Uppity, yeah.”

Of course, he omitted the second word that almost always follows a Southerner’s use of the term uppity in reference to a black man who is acting a little above his station, but anybody with a brain knows what he means. Ah! AMERICA!!

YES.

The first black man to be elected the Democratic Presidential Nominee. YES.