The whole topic of Bigfoot has really raised some eyebrows in the recent weeks. Lucky for us, the anthropological masters over at Manchild Drink Beer have sifted through billions of hours of footage to bring you the most informative news on the subject. Check out the 2 videos below to learn about the origins of the new findings, as well as what the alleged creature had with him when he was found.

So it’s summer, eh? Most people are talking about camping, visiting the beach, swimming, and joining in on the coolest trend around, skin cancer. Stupid people. It’s summer. Stay home, enjoy air conditioning, because you never know what’s out there.

Nature is dirty. Ew times infinity plus twelve. I don’t like camping. There’s nothing too wonderful about laying on the ground, freezing your ass off, and having to pee in a bush. Plus there’s bugs, dirt, heat, bears, rain… and camping on the beach? No freakin’ way! Camping on the beach just includes freezing cold wind, rising tides, having to dig a hole in the sand to pee, sharks, and jellyfish. Anyone who knows me well enough knows that jellyfish are terrifying. I’m not down with that..

And now, just another reason to avoid the ocean.

Uh. No. This 550 pound monster just washed up on a beach in Australia. This is worse than “Jaws”. Say it with me.. hell to the naw. Nuh uh. Not going in the water. Screw that. Ew. Ick. Blegh. Barf. No. I’m definitely not down for that.

As for you other campers.. two words. Big. Foot. Seen at Lake Oroville as recently as three years ago. You know he’s sticking around for all those Chico State hawties.