Leonid Stadnik Has Heart Of Gold, Still Scares the Hell Out Of Me

Ukrainian veterinarian Leonid Stadnik was recently noted by the Guinness Book of World Records as the tallest living man on Planet Earth at a shocking 8 feet, 5 inches tall, surpassing China’s Bao Xishun (who only measured up to a measly 7 foot 9 inches…nice try, Bao). The AP article posted today regales a sad tale of Stadnik’s recent firing by way of his imposing height, and the benevolent gestures of fellow countrymen for providing he and his mother (with whom he lives) with materials to help him lead a more “normal” life.

Me, I’m scared shitless of anything bigger than, um, me. Or of anything even remotely bigger than it needs to be. Largemouth Bass? Get the fuck away. Moose? Sounds like a nightmare. But what I’d love to encourage Stadnik to do, rather than mope and/or pine about his awesome size, would be to revel endlessly in the sheer intimidation his physique inflicts upon people. Like Andre the Giant’s character Fezzik in The Princess Bride, Stadnik seems to be lamenting his plight rather than indulging in it.

Fezzik, when pressed, would certainly dabble in scare tactics to get his way or to help his friends out. Why does everyone abnormal by the standards of our obviously ridiculous societal structure want to be “normal.”

So, Mr. Stadnik, I implore you, sir, to get out there and dominate the land. Take what you can get, while you can, when you can. You have support from the West. And don’t take offense if we ever meet and I run away…