Just kidding! She’s fine. She was never even missing.

Dear Concerned Internet Denizens,

Ashley Flores is not missing. This is a hoax. Some idiot fooled you into caring about this young girl who was never actually missing. This is the kind of thing sweeps inboxes every four months or so. My mom passes me shit like this all the time. Do a little research before blindly passing on emails like these. Thank you.

Here’s the full scoop at Urban Legend.

In other news, I know of a widow from the Middle East who will give you millions of her deceased husband’s savings if you help her set up a secure US bank account….email me for details.