Rumors have been circling for a while, but now the truth has been confirmed and fifteen-year-old, emo-core, teenyboppers everywhere will be slitting their wrists today.

As reported on friendsorenemies.com:

“We know there has been a lot of speculation recently about Pete and I and we wanted our fans to be the first to know, because you guys are the best. Yes, we are thrilled to share that we are happily engaged. Thank you for all of your support and well wishes - it means the world to us. We consider this to be a very private matter, but we wanted you to hear it straight from us.”
- Ashlee and Pete

It’s a little said that cute little Simpson sister is off the market, but to be honest I lost interest after the nose job. As usual there is some speculation that Simpson is preggers, so be on the lookout for that fall out boy baby bump.

Will the world be looking forward to a lip syncing, hoe-down dancing, sugar-we’re-DEFINITELY-going-down bobbit? The world is shocked amid reports that Ashlee Simpson and squeeze Pete Wentz actually tried sex, let alone succeeded in creating the most doomed child since dear little Suri Cruise. It’s been said that they’re keeping things quiet (surprise, surprise) but that Pete pulled the ultimate romantic gesture and and went down, down, in an earlier round on one knee and popped the big question. Poor child.

With a mother following closely in the footsteps of Brittany Spears, in not only blonde ambition but musical skill (or lack thereof), one can only wonder if the rumored tot may someday be sporting the same therapist as Sean Preston, Suri, and J.J. Of course, one also wonders with a government that can follow internet conversations so stealthily, why didn’t they STOP THIS!!??! Please, let’s pray to the saints of sanity that it’s just a rumor and the stars are not once more populating our world with (dare I say it?) the curse of Hollywood.

Still, Star Magazine has a picture of the youngest Simpson rubbing her stomach (indigestion, anyone?) and you know what that means, BABY ON BOARD! Or some bad tacos..

If you actually care enough to read the full (or not so much) story, go here.

Ashlee Simpson: “Bitch stop talking to me. I’m nice!