Breath easy internet, I have returned to my blogging post. Over the last week and a half I’ve been journeying up the Pacific Coast with Bear Hunter . As it turns out, when I try and write on my laptop while in the van I start to puke all over my band mates — hence, my absence from Synthesis Blog. Over the next few days I will be recounting my harrowing journey (in between fascinating posts about pop stars getting busted for drugs, children with weird growths on their bodies and general paranoid-paranormal fodder). Get ready, dear readers. Get your asses ready.

A Georgia elementary school teacher was in for a surprise last Friday when 8-9 of her students, both boys and girls, planned to bind and stab her after being angered over the scolding of a fellow student for standing on a chair. The extent of the students’ planning and premeditated preparation is astonishing:

Police Chief Tony Tanner said the students apparently planned to knock the teacher unconscious with a glass paperweight, bind her with handcuffs and duct tape and then stab her with a broken steak knife.

The scheme involved a division of roles, Tanner said. One child’s job was to cover windows so no one could see outside, and another was supposed to clean up after the attack. Associated Press

It’s not clear how many of the students really knew of the intent to harm the teacher as some said they simply thought it was a joke. Nevertheless two students were arrested on juvenile charges, and a third arrest is expected. In the end the no one was harmed, but things could have been worse. Even if the students hadn’t intended to kill their teacher, who can really say how it all would’ve turned out. One thing’s for sure though, stories like this aren’t really going help fulfill any shortage of teachers in the US. Molding young minds seems to be more dangerous than ever.

-Handcuffs and Knife the children planned to use.

At first listen, Every Time I Die may not seem like much of a “literary” band. And while they’re certainly no Decemberists (some would say “thankfully they’re no Decemberists…“), singer Keith Buckley’s brain is a bit more interesting than your average hard rock/party all night vocalist.
Synthesis newbie Mike Kieran chatted with Buckley a few weeks ago, and during the interview they touched upon the subject of readin’ and writin’.

Have you read any good books lately?
I read this book God is Not Great, which I know a lot of people will not want to read just by the title, but it’s an amazing book about history and the hypocrisies that have evolved with it, and the argument of science versus religion.

Are there any other books that you’ve read that have really had a powerful message?
The biography of Andy Kaufman. His bio Lost in the Funhouse kinda changed the way that I look at public perception of characters; individuals that are in that situation where people either look up to or admire or hate them. That guy was in complete control of everything that he encountered. Everything. His personality, and the way that he understood his relationship with people was really inspiring. It’s really admirable to know there are people out there who are fucking insanely genius, that can do that. And it kinda made me jealous. I wish I had that ability to just understand exactly what and why people are saying about me and why they thought that. He had a million or so personalities, and he made every one of them entertaining.

Are you doing any kind of writing right now that doesn’t have to do with the band?
Yeah, in AP I review an ‘80s movie every month. It’s kinda hard on tour; I’m just reading instead of writing. But reading is the prep work for writing eventually, so when I get home is when I sit down and start writing stuff.

Which brings us to AP…no, not the news wire service, but the pop-punk magazine that is taking great strides to combat illiteracy by offering…free(ish) subscriptions to their informative magazine.

From the press release:

“Alternative Press and Every Time I Die have joined forces to help promote reading by offering fans free issues of the magazine. Right now, when fans buy this month’s Alternative Press magazine - featuring Every Time I Die on the cover - at Barnes and Noble, they can send in their receipt and receive a FREE six-month subscription to the mag!”

Just take a moment and savor the idea of how the Alternative Press promotes literacy.

I thought our boys over at AP just promoted questionable fashion choices, nauseating page design and cookie monster vocals.
But what am I talking about, at least they’re at Barnes and Noble….

Be sure to check out next month’s Synthesis Digital featuring an interview with Every Time I Die’s Keith Buckley.