Rodney King will appear in the next season of the VH1 reality show, “Celebrity Rehab With Dr. Drew.” The show highlights washed out celebrities dealing with drug and alcohol abuse. They are put in the care of famous addiction specialist Dr. Drew Pinsky.

King’s beating by the Los Angeles police in 1991 lead to deadly rioting and his famous plea for peace. King will appear on the show with Jeff Conaway, Tawny Kitaen, former Guns N’ Roses drummer Steven Adler and Rod Stewart’s son Sean. The new season will premiere in October cause doesn’t everyone want to watch wacked out stars with really bad withdrawl symptoms? Not so much.

Our very own Ryan Prado is a drunken buffoon, and nobody likes him. And although this isn’t him, it’s a guy acting just like him.

My friends and I like to drink. We like to drink because we like to get drunk. We don’t like to get so drunk we wake up in a pool of our own piss and vomit (which has been known to happen at times) but we like to see how close we can get to that point while still having a good time. JUDGE ME!!!

Luckily for us we live in a small college town (Chico CA! What!) and booze is cheap as fuck. Wednesday nights, while dudes in L.A. are standing in line, obeying the STUPID fucking dress code, and paying a 20 or 30 dollar cover just for the privilege of paying 16 bucks for a shot and beer, we here in Chico enjoy what is called “Buck Night”. That’s right ladies and gentlemen, want a beer? One dollar. Want a whiskey coke? One dollar. Shit, last night I paid for a drink with 4 quarters I found on the counter before we left the house! (I know it sounds pathetic, but I’m broke so fuck off.)

It was on one of these buck nights that we discovered the best way to start off your night of boozing EVAR! It’s called the Combo Combo, in honor of our local shitty 24 hour diner, Jacks. A Combo Combo at Jacks is basically for the people that want one of everything on the menu. At Denny’s it looks something like this, but at Jacks it has way more shit:

The Combo Combo as it relates to booze is: One shot of Jack Daniels whiskey. One Coke chaser. One Jager Blaster (a full Red Bull with a double shot of Jager served in a pint glass and downed like a shot). One ice cold Bud Light bottled beer.

When you order 2 Combo Combo’s it looks something like this:

It’s the perfect way to start off your night because after taking it you can just sip on beers all night to maintain your buzz, and the Red Bull gives you that extra shot of energy you need to build up the courage to go get rejected by a bunch of girls that are way out of your league.

Get on the Combo Combo train or you are blowing it hard!!! Just remember, don’t go overboard with them or you will end up like this dousche:

Loss.

Three quarters of a century ago America was in a state of turmoil and disarray. The Great Depression hit about five years previous, and times were tough. Though the Stock Market began to improve in early 1930, Americans were still reluctant to incur debt and declined spending coupled with the Dust Bowl drama in the south kept unemployment at an all time low. As if that weren’t enough to make a man crazy, our belt-tightening ancestors also had to deal with prohibition. I can’t imagine much worse than losing all your worldly possessions, failing to provide for your family, and having to cope with all that sober. No beer to take the edge off of stark destitution and that’s just tragic. But on April 7th of 1933 some relief finally came. (more…)

I think SXSW broke my brain a little bit. When I got back and I had a show to play that week, I started brainstorming. The result was taking two pages out of the Tony Clifton playbook, one page out of Neil Hamburger’s, and a paragraph of Bill Hicks, and roll them into possibly the best show I’ve ever played.

Drunk Not Retarded by Catlike Reflexes

Half of the audience loved it. The other half was calling for blood. I don’t think I’m going to get invited back to Nick’s Night Club, but fuck it, that place is over rated anyway, and it was worth it.

As if it weren’t bad enough that every health guru on the planet decries the consumption of almost everything you’d ever want to eat as bad, but now some yokel has gone and ruined my new diet by slapping a name to drinking a lot and eating very little: Drunkorexia.

The subtle art of perfecting drunkorexia isn’t so tough, really. All you have to do is drink a ton of water during peak eating times (most of the time when you feel hungry, you’re really just thirsty. Try it out), then when you get off work or are in a dark corner of your office, start drinking. The water imbibed beforehand will hydrate you up and act as a nice base for the copious alcohol consumption you’ll indulge in for the better part of the night and wee morning hours. Once you get the alcohol hunger satiated, you are free to have a small morsel to whet the appetite: cheap pizza, a streetcorner hot dog, etc. Voila! Weight loss in extreme chunks! Just add cigarettes, some depressing rock music on the stereo and you’re on your way to heroin chic in no time!

Apparently, this new “trend” has been gaining attention in national media outlets. The report went on to mention other trends in the lexicon of eating disorders, none of which make any sense to me.

Me, I don’t like to be labeled, but let’s just say I haven’t not lost almost 20 pounds in two months by way of what experts are now calling “drunkorexia.” Luckily I now have a name to associate to my irrevocable happiness at the slender nature of my torso, but I imagine I’ll be giving it a rest now that it’s officially a “trend.” Fucking doctors…