Breath easy internet, I have returned to my blogging post. Over the last week and a half I’ve been journeying up the Pacific Coast with Bear Hunter . As it turns out, when I try and write on my laptop while in the van I start to puke all over my band mates — hence, my absence from Synthesis Blog. Over the next few days I will be recounting my harrowing journey (in between fascinating posts about pop stars getting busted for drugs, children with weird growths on their bodies and general paranoid-paranormal fodder). Get ready, dear readers. Get your asses ready.

because really, when was the last time you had the term “blasphemy” explained so eloquently?

So there’s this bum hangout right around the corner from the Synthesis office. It’s like this shelter for young adults who want to sit around all day smoking cigarettes and hanging on the couch in the air conditioning with their pit bull mix instead of, well, anything else. Today on my way to get coffee, Dain and I walked by this young derelict who asks, almost as an afterthought, if he could bum a cigarette. It might have been a cold move, but this was my response:

I think singing one bar of the The Silhouettes’ “Get a Job” got my point across.

Being a dick is awesome.

Always in constant pursuit of all that is professional and inspiring we here at the synthesis network enjoy the priceless services of interns just like this one. Our Beloved Mitch will now demonstrate for you the true and proper chicken truth.

…is removed, but homeboy still looks kinda like Jabba The Hut.

Huang Chuncai holds the record for most facial tumors and is the most interesting looking person on the planet.

“I used t feel very uncomfortable. Now that the more-than-10 kilogram tumor has been cut off, i feel very relieved.”

Full Story HERE.

Neurofibroma is a Motherfucker.

sorry, but I’d hate myself more if I didn’t point this out:

Ewe’ll be sorry

A giant python bit off more than it could chew when it tried to swallow a pregnant ewe. It got stuck on a road this week after swallowing the ewe in the Malaysian village of Kampung Jabor, about 200 kilometres east of Kuala Lumpur. The six-metre reptile weighing 90 kilograms was too laden to move, making it easy for firemen to capture it, said a local daily newspaper.