Finally a campaign ad worth watching: Paris Hilton for President.

Democratic presidential nominee Barack Obama spent a Missouri Monday defending his patriotism, in light of recent attacks.

“At certain times over the last 16 months, I have found, for the first time, my patriotism challenged — at times as a result of my own carelessness, more often as a result of the desire by some to score political points and raise fears and doubts about who I am and what I stand for.”

Obama has taken a decent bit of rapping on his patriotism in general, stemming from an incident where he didn’t wear a flag pin, as well as from allegations that he doesn’t say the pledge of allegiance.

No flag pin?! RELEASE THE FUCKING HOUNDS!

Word from the Hillary Clinton camp is that she is going to FINALLY fuck off and back Barack Obama on Saturday. But I think we all know the truth: she is making her play to become his running mate as Vice President.

The country did pretty fucking well while Ol’ Bill Clinton was getting his cock sucked by slightly overweight slags in the Oval Office for 8 years, so having an Obama/Clinton ticket could do pretty well. Not because people want Hillary in the White House, but because they want Barack Obama in the White House and they trust Bill Clinton to keep an eye on him and make sure he doesn’t royally fuck things up.

At the same time, if I were Barack (we are on a first name basis) I would tell Hillary to kiss my ass in the county square for dragging this bull shit out for so long and talking too many people out of voting for me and ask John Edwards or some other safe white dude. Thanks to her, now it’s going to be a huge uphill battle to beat crusty ass Republican John McCain at a time when people should be clamoring to vote for anything with a “D” next to it on election day because George W Bush has been a total slap dick for 8 years straight.

So, thanks for the gesture Hillary, but I have a hard time buying it. You’ve been getting cheated on with multiple partners for most, if not all of your marriage, but liked the power of the office too much to tell Bill to kick rocks like any self respecting woman would have done, and this is no different. Veep is better than nothing!

“Barack!! I didn’t mean all that shit I said about you bro! You know that’s just business. We’re still cool right? ….right?”

YES.

The first black man to be elected the Democratic Presidential Nominee. YES.

I know you’ve been waiting on baited breath for Synthesis to chime in on the latest blog craze: “Is There A Naked Woman Reflected in VP Cheney’s Sun Glasses??? OMG!!!”

I’m no stranger to conspiracy theories (I even subscribe to a few myself), but let’s weigh the likelihood of the naked-lady-in-the-glasses theory in like this. Here’s what would need to happen:

1. Dick Cheney, hanging with a naked woman.
2. The hired photographer taking an official photograph of Cheney with a Naked Woman just hanging out by the side.
3. Secret security just hanging out, letting it happen.

Savor those ideas. Roll them around the tongue. Can’t help but spit that out, eh?

Here’s a thought: DICK CHENEY IS NOT HEF. Let’s review.

Hugh Hefner:

Vice President Dick Cheney:

Do we need to go over that again? Good.

Now, if Cheney was as good at marketing as he is at being an evil bastard, he would be marketing his own brand of Cheney Stunna Shades.

“Wanna have naked women reflected in your shades ALL THE TIME? Try a pair of Cheney Nunna Nunna Nunnas. Now in gold fleck!”

I’m not gonna tell the blogosphere to get their mind out of the gutter (far from it), but just think about this for a second, alright? Now listen to Chico’s The Hooliganz and get your slump on. And vote Obama. End of story.

John McCain and David Letterman exchanged insults in a duel roast monologue in his return visit to The Late Show With David Letterman

From the NY Times:

“He looks like the guy at the hardware store who makes the keys,’’ he said, according to a transcript provided by CBS. “He looks like the guy who can’t stop talking about how well his tomatoes are doing. He looks like the guy who goes into town for turpentine. He looks like the guy who always has wiry hair growing out of new places. He looks like the guy who points out the spots they missed at the car wash.’’

Then Mr. McCain walked out on stage.

“Hi, Letterman,’’ he said. “You think that stuff’s pretty funny, don’t you?”

Then Mr. McCain unleashed a slew of his own you-look-like-a-guy jokes at Mr. Letterman.

“Well, you look like a guy whose laptop would be seized by the authorities,’’ Mr. McCain said. “You look like a guy caught smuggling reptiles in his pants.’’

Mr. Letterman interjected: “Don’t knock it if you haven’t tried it.’’

Mr. McCain continued: “You look like the guy who the neighbors later say, ‘He mostly kept to himself.’ You look like the night manager of a creepy motel.’’

“Well, that’s what I need,’’ Mr. Letterman said.

Then Mr. McCain delivers the coup de grace: “And you look like the guy who enjoys getting into a hot tub and watching his swim trunks inflate.’’

On Tuesday, everybody was a comedian. The Democratic National Committee came up with its own April Fool’s day list of the “Top 10 Reasons to Vote for John McCain.” They included “Early Bird Specials at the White House cafeteria,” “Finally, the President of the National Press Club will be made a member of the cabinet,’’ “Best Karaoke Song Ever: ‘Bomb, Bomb, Bomb, Bomb, Bomb Iran’ ” and the number one reason: “The last seven years have been so great, let’s have four more!”