This weekend I had the chance to spend some time in Portland, OR’s wonderful Hawthorne District, which is like a cleaner, better, all-around more awesome version of San Francisco’s Haight Ashbury. After grabbing some pizza at Vincente’s, which besides just having badass pie also serves Pabst 40s (FUCK YES), I cruised into a little boutique called Local35, which looked like it was going to be overpriced as f. The Portlandite accompanying me even warned me that the place was out of my rather meager price range, but maybe it was my lucky day: not only was there the sale of all sales happening at Local35, but the staff people were anything but the pretentious uber-hipsters I’d come to expect at similar stores in SF and elsewhere. They were totally down to earth, rad people, willing to chop it up even with a dude in scuffed Adidas and cheap denim. I had my eye on a pair of Celtic green Paul Cousy PF Flyers I had seen in the window, and lo and behold: the floor model, one of only a couple pairs left, was actually in my size (which seriously never happens) and the shoes were 35% off to boot (no pun intended). I walked out of Local35 with some new kicks, as well as a Cheap Monday shirt and a Gentle Fawn sweater for my lady, all for well under $100. Next time you’re bored in the PDX, definitely check out Local35. You’ll be glad you did.

Even if you don’t like metal (and who doesn’t, these days?) you still have to love Killswitch Engage. They write some of the heaviest riffs known to man and have some of the most pissed vocals anywhere, but they are still at heart, a bunch of nerds and pussycats. Last time I saw them live guitarist (and increasingly legendary producer)  Adam D was running around in a cape and his boxer shorts. Frontman Howard Jones may look like an NFL linebacker, but in person he’s the kind of guy you want to sit around and drink coffee with and talk about Star Trek. He seemed like he’d definitely have an opinion about Kirk vs. Picard (I’m gonna go with Picard). In an interview with Adam D a couple years back I asked him about the seemingly dichotomous nature of his band’s sound and demeanor and this is what he had to say:

I hate the whole thing within the metal community, where it’s like “Dude, since we’re so hard onstage, we’re gonna be awesome.” I think that whole mentality has kind of died away with all the stupid leather pants and longhair and the [assumes Viking of Death Metal tone] “Yahhhh we’re tough and blah, blah, blah.” I’m just so easygoing, I just don’t give a shit what anyone thinks.

Well there you have it.  I bring this up, not just for the fuck of it, but because the band annouced today a new string of tour dates this spring, with a couple other fairly badass bands, Poison the Well and Throwdown, that will be gracing the middle parts of America and Canada. If you’re a kid in Milwaukee and you don’t go to this show, you’re drinking too much Pabst bro! Here’s the press release:

Killswitch Engage continue to cement their reputation as road warriors. After wrapping up their successful, sold out winter tour, the Massachusetts band has just announced another spate of tour dates that will find the band hitting several Midwest locations as well as cutting a path all over Canada. The two-week tour, featuring Throwdown, Poison The Well and The End as support acts, kicks off on May 10 and runs through May 29.

Below are the tour dates and locations. Pre-sale for fan club members begins today. Pre-sale for all fans begins Monday, March 3rd at Noon EST. Regular on-sale tickets can be purchased beginning March 6.

May 10 – The Sound Academy – Toronto, ONT   (On Sale 3/6)
May 11 – Elements Night Club – Kitchener, ONT   (On Sale 3/7)
May 13 – Capitole du Quebec – Quebec City, QUE   (On Sale 3/6)
May 14 – The Metropolis – Montreal, QUE   (On Sale 3/6)
May 16 – The Orbit Room – Grand Rapids, MI   (On Sale 3/7)
May 17 – Rock On The Range Festival – Columbus, OH   (Radio show)
May 18 – Point Fest – St. Louis, MO   (Radio show)
May 19 – The Eagles Club – Milwaukee, WI   (On Sale 3/8)
May 20 – Val Air Ballroom – Des Moines, IA   (On Sale 3/7)
May 22 – Community Auditorium – Thunder Bay, ONT   (On Sale 3/8)
May 23 – Burton Cummings – Winnipeg, MAN   (On Sale, 3/7)
May 24 – Odeon Events Centre – Saskatoon, SAS   (On Sale, 3/8)
May 26 – Edmonton Events Center – Edmonton, AB   (On Sale, 3/8)
May 27 – MacEwan Hall Ballroom – Calgary, AB   (On Sale, 3/8)
May 29 – Croatian Cultural Center – Vancouver, BC   (On Sale, 3/7)

Good old American Ass Piss is definitely a family favorite. And unlike other varieties of bowel movement, its quick and relatively easy to make! Here’s my secret recipe: 

 10+ Cans of Pabst Blue Ribbon (to taste)

1 Pacakge Smart Ground Meatless Vegetable Protein

 One Large Frozen Yogurt (aka FROYO)

Mix and allow to marinate for at least 8 hours of Deep Sleep
 
Cover with multiple cups of Starbucks Coffee and serve in proper dish

ENJOY!!!!!111
    

[disclosure: I am not actually in this band, but P Brown works for Synthesis.]

Quaint as it may be, I sincerely hope that Chico’s notoriety as a party school that canceled Halloween will one day be supplanted by its true nature. No, not as the 10th best Small Art Town in America, but as Christmas Rock Town USA. In anticipation of the 3rd installment of Gorgeous Armada’s Christmas Musical, Sleigh: Sleigh II Again (Midnight, Friday and Saturday at the Chico Cabaret) Gorgeous Armada presents: Old Yeller and the 12 Days of Christmas!

drinking

Hi. Most of the country has already had their taste of the summer-long advertising/music festival beloved to the unwashed mashes and known as The Vans Warped Tour. Well, it’s finally making its way back around to our parts, and it looks like I will be attending. This will be my first year attending Warped. I mean, I’ve written fascinating and well researched articles about it, but never made it down to the show. Besides, look at me:

Yeah, I’m rad, but it looks like I’d be more comfortable inside a dimly lit bar, swilling delicious canned beer, spitting ridiculous game. Well on Thursday, I’ll be hissing at the sun and watching mall rock galore, and I’ll probably have to interview a few bands with whom I’m not well acquainted. So I need your help, faithful and semi-literate Synthesis community.

These are some of the bands I might interview:

Sum 41
The Almost
The Matches
Killswitch Engage
Paramore
A Static Lullaby
Bad Religion
Bleed The Dream
Circa Survive
Coheed and Cambria
Cute is What We Aim For
Pennywise

While I’m down with Pennywise, Killswitch and Bad Religion (and think Circa Survive are the saviors of anything remotely emo), I don’t know jack shit about Cute is What We Aim For, or Paramore, or Bleed The Dream or whatever. Here’s where you come in:

WHAT SHOULD I ASK THEM? Please help me look like less of a douche and let me know the questions you would ask if you were in my shoes. Comment on this blog or send your questions to letters@synthesis.net.

I don’t want to look like my boy Dallas Von Killbot interviewing Three Inches of Blood.

The remaining handful of Warped Tour dates are listed after the jump.
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