Rumors have been circling for a while, but now the truth has been confirmed and fifteen-year-old, emo-core, teenyboppers everywhere will be slitting their wrists today.

As reported on friendsorenemies.com:

“We know there has been a lot of speculation recently about Pete and I and we wanted our fans to be the first to know, because you guys are the best. Yes, we are thrilled to share that we are happily engaged. Thank you for all of your support and well wishes - it means the world to us. We consider this to be a very private matter, but we wanted you to hear it straight from us.”
- Ashlee and Pete

It’s a little said that cute little Simpson sister is off the market, but to be honest I lost interest after the nose job. As usual there is some speculation that Simpson is preggers, so be on the lookout for that fall out boy baby bump.

Thirty-four shows in two months, and a thousand pounds of eyeliner and lip gloss; the seventh annual Sub City Take Action! tour recently came to its conclusion on 3/23. More than just an excuse to air out the vinyl vest and work on your best pout, the tour’s main goal is tour bring music fans together, teach them about the necessary and positive outcome of donating your time to good causes, and to help make a better world by introducing concepts of community activism. And, you know, TO EFFING RAWK.

Here are some pretty rad stats about the 2008 tour:

The Impact of the 2008 Take Action! Tour:
-Over $75,000 raised for Do Something which helps young people make a positive difference in the world - based on 10% of ticket revenue and additional tour related fund raising.
-Over 27,000 fans in 34 cities proved that the world can be made a better place one voice at a time
-Nearly 7,000 copies of the Take Action Volume 7 Compilation already sold
-Take Action Grants, empowered by the Hot Topic Foundation, MySpace Impact and Hopeless/Sub City Records, were awarded to 9 amazing young people who want to make change in their communities.

As we’ve discovered, the tour’s headliner Every Time I Die certainly bring the rock music, but I didnt’ know they actually care as well. Awwww…… Along with From First To Last, The Bled, August Burns Red, and The Human Abstract, the tour was by all accounts a rousing success. Cheers to Louis Posen and company, here’s to building positive change, a pair of ears at a time.

For more info:
www.subcity.net
www.takeactiontour.com
www.hopelessrecords.com/

Mexican emo kids apparently have something to cry about, as they have been victimized by a bizarre wave of emo-bashings, inspired in part by a popular TV personality’s on-air anti-emo tirade. From LA Weekly blogger Daniel Hernandez:

In Mexico, emo culture is a butt of many jokes. It is either despised intensely or generally ignored. But it’s only the despising sentiment that lately has been getting wide airply. In the above clip, a Televisa on-air personality named Kristoff expresses a serious dose of anti-emo rhetoric and switches to English to say, on network television, “Fucking bullshit” to the emo movement. Some emos I’ve interviewed point to the Kristoff clip as a defining provocation of the current wave of anti-emo violence.

The aggressors responsible for emo attacks in Mexico City, Queretaro and elsewhere come from different subcultures, with differing reasons for their shared hate:

Anger against the emos has come from many quarters: punks and goths who think emos are ripping off their culture, homophobes who don’t find emos masculine enough, and those who simply seem threatened by a group that is so different than the mainstream.

But Mexican emos aren’t taking this shit lying down. They’ve organized marches and protests to bring attention to their plight:

Emos have begun to fight back, organizing marches in Guadalajara and Mexico City. And voices have begun appearing warning of a creeping intolerance in Mexican society. Gilberto Rincan Gallardo, a columnist for the El Porvenir newspaper, argued this week that tolerance is the foundation of any healthy democracy. “If a group of young people like (emos) decides to get together and live life in a certain manner, and doesn’t hurt others, it’s the obligation of the Democratic state to protect them…It’s easy for an eccentric and easily identified minority group to be stigmatized and discriminated against…It’s the responsibility of the authorities to make sure the threats aren’t carried out and the aggressions are punished.”

All I have to say is:

Dear Mexico,

If you don’t want your emos, please send them here. Especially the girls.

Thanks,

America

Finally a part of the hyphy movement I can feel good about: Scraper Bikes. Way safer to ghost ride. And you don’t even need to get a lease, relish! Wait a couple months and every suburban white emo kid will be rolling one of these, just like every single emo band t-shirt suddenly looks like a Bape hoodie from 2005. Check the cut from Oakland’s Trunk Boiz:

A BABY MINIATURE HORSE ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZAWWWWW!!!!!111 You can actually learn a lot about Miniature Horses on YouTube. Such as:

Miniature Horses in England Get Pissed as Fuck.

And “Two young stallions are delightful to watch playing.” Why yes, yes they are.

The thing about Miniature Horses though that’s probably the most fucking bad ass, is the fact that you can actually train them and use them as service animals. Like Seeing Eye Dogs, but instead of a dog, it’s a little goddamn horse. FUCK WITH IT!

And as it turns out, not just people who are blind or fucked up physically qualify for a mini horse friend. All you have to be is emo as fuck. Check it:

Miniature Horses gain rights as Emotional Support Animals

Recent court rulings have extended the rights of the disabled to employ emotional support animals (ESA). To qualify, the disabled person must have a Psychological Neurosis (as delineated by the American Psychological Association diagnostic guidelines), and the animals must provide a legitimate service.

For example a person who was traumatized by a mugging could get diagnosed with Agoraphobia and gain the right to keep a ESA dog in an area where no pets are allowed.

On May 9 2003, the Department of Transportation (DOT) published new guidelines concerning service animals and air transportation as they relate to the Air Carrier Access Act (ACCA), ruling that ESAs fall within the scope of the ADA.

The financial costs to those who violate the rights of ESA users can be substantial. In 2000, a Minnesota judge awarded a man Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) $190,000 in damages after his condominium association refused to allow him to keep a ESA dog.

Miniature horses have been recognized as therapy animals. Miniature horses have the right to act as mobility aids, pulling wheelchairs and steadying those who could not walk without external support.

Dude I’m so getting an Emotional Support Horse. Emo Horses are the new shit for ‘08. RECOGNIZE

So its pretty much become standard from every emo pop band worth its salt to do a Christmas song, and this year is definitely no different. But while most suck major balls, one of the best original numbers in this year’s Christmas song pool comes from our friends and fellow townsfolk Brighten. Check out the video for “Merry Christmas Baby” which also features John from The Maine, and come to terms with the fact that, try as hard as you might, but you will never match the ultimate cuteness effortlessly exhibited by Brighten at all times. EVER. Oh yeah and if you’re an one of the few A&R guys who didn’t get fired this month, get off your ass and sign these dudes NOW. THNX