Fort Collins-based punk legends ALL have just announced plans to reunite for this year’s Riot Festival in Chicago, IL, being held October 10-12.

News alone of an ALL reunion is enough to bring their seething fanbase to its collective knees, even without the added bonus that the reunion is with none other than former ALL frontman and current bandleader for the Steaming Beast, Scott Reynolds (whose new endeavors you can read about very soon on synthesis.net)!

Message from Scott Reynolds regarding the reunion:

Stephen is going to jump a motorcycle over 10 flaming school buses, then save all the children inside them before they burn up! Bill is going to levitate, then disappear, then reappear on Karl’s shoulders who will be riding a unicycle on a tightrope made from dental floss suspended 100 ft. above the stage. And I’m going to give one lucky audience member a makeover that will take 10 years off his/her appearance! So we better start practicing!! Everybody should come because it’s going to rock sooo hard.

Here’s why you should be stoked:

Poor thing… Just out on the prowl for some young specimen, and the police have to corner her in an alley. And shoot her.

From AP:

Chicago police say an officer has killed a 150-pound cougar in a residential area on the city’s North Side.

Police say several residents reporting seeing the cat early Monday and the officer shot the animal in an alley.

I imagine the cougar’s sighting was a direct result of habitat loss.

For a good guide on how to recognize and make safe contact with a cougar, please consult the Bachelor Guy Guide to Milfs and Cougars:

Habitat: When not at work selling real estate or styling hair, they can often be found in clubs with names like “City Lights” and “Hot Chocolate”, listening to the sounds of Gloria Gaynor and the Pointer Sisters.

I do have some qualms with AP’s article, though:

Authorities say the cougar will be checked for any markings, chips or tags that would show if it was someone’s pet rather than a wild animal.

From The Bachelor Guy:

Wearing a few battle scars from past tussles, the cougar is all about excess. Look for lots of makeup to hide the wrinkles from years of lingering cigarette smoke and tanning bed sessions. Big hair - typically dyed either Platinum Blonde, Roof Tar Black, or Safety Cone Orange, to hide the advancing gray - and overly long, overly manicured nails, used for attracting and capturing her prey. She may also sport a new lower back tattoo (aka, the tramp stamp), or an old boob tattoo, procured in an attempt to convey her carefree sexuality and wild side.

Remember, a cougar is never your pet. You are most likely hers.

AP:

Confirmed sightings of cougars, also known as mountain lions or pumas, are rare in Illinois but authorities in the Chicago suburb of Wilmette say they received several reports of cougar sightings during the weekend.

Mountain lions are a whole other story - avoid them at all costs and DO NOT let them buy you a drink. Pumas, however, can make for a fun evening.

Last week, Team Saucony wrote me a nice little note, telling me about their web site, www.teamsaucony-originals.com. The site focuses on Saucony’s sponsorship of alternative team sports, the ones “that don’t require cleats, pads or helmets.” That’s totally up my alley. The reason why I got into music in the first place was because I could not for the life of me catch a football or shoot a basket. The first day of little league I got a black eye while they were trying me out as a pitcher. No joke. I just really suck at sports.

But Dodgeball? Four-Square? Holy shit! I am awes-…okay, I’m not great at those either, but I can at least hold my own. {side note: personally, for me, playing sports is like holding my own, you know… But as previously documented, I do like to talk about balls…}

Team Saucony is organizing a summer sports league, focusing on the sports you played during recess.

From Team Saucony:

This summer in New York, Chicago, San Francisco and Seattle, Saucony is going to sponsor some select offices to compete against other offices in sports that you may not have played since you were about 12.

Dodgeball? Kickball? Four Square? FOR REAL!

We’ll provide the equipment, uniforms and, of course, some sweet Saucony Jazz Originals. Win or lose, we’ll hook everyone up with plenty of free suds at the local watering hole (clarification: water = booze, hole = your mouth), where you can re-live your sporting glory, or drown those memories of athletic incompetence.

San Francisco, Seattle, New York and Chicago: the only 4 cities that matter. EAT THAT LA! fuckers. You can read about the stipulations for signing up your office on their site. All interested parties can contact sauconyoriginals@drillteammarketing.com to sign up.

If SF wasn’t a 3 hour drive from the Synthesis office we would be all over that. Besides, most of us are too busy with the Synthesis Softball team:

EAT THAT, OTHER LOCAL MEDIA.

The Lollapalooza lineup was dropped on the Internets today - might I be probably one of many to say “holy shit, that is one hell of a lineup”. Perry Farrell has done it again and with Rage Against the Machine playing that will only fuel more rumors about an actual Rage Against the Machine new album (hey, one can hope right?). Get your hotel reservations for Chicago early… Lineup is after the jump…

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Though her recent albums have been pretty awful, Liz Phair’s Exile in Guyville still stands the test of time. To celebrate its 15th anniversary, Dave Matthews’s ATO Records is releasing a special edition of the landmark, out of print album with four unreleased B-sides and a DVD, Guyville Redux, a 60-minute making-of documentary.  Guyville Redux will also feature an introduction by Matthews and look at the early ’90s Chicago indie music scene that also featured bands such as Urge Overkill and Smashing Pumpkins. Phair herself interviews local rock luminaries such as super producer Steve Albini and Matador Records‘ Gerard Cosloy and Chris Lombardi as well as actor John Cusack and NPR’s Ira Glass.

The Guyville reissue will be out June 24th and will prelude Phair’s new studio album, which purports to see the songwriter getting back into “the DIY spirit” (we’ll have to wait and see), this fall.

I saw this while perusing the Mesh blog, and given that I’ve been playing Pinback’s “Good To Sea” (off their last album, Autum of the Seraphs) on repeat, I thought I’d share this hilarious (and loving) spoof of Pinback, made by this Chicago dude.

If you love Pinback like I do, you’ll dig this. if you have no idea what a Pinback is, educate.