John McCain and David Letterman exchanged insults in a duel roast monologue in his return visit to The Late Show With David Letterman

From the NY Times:

“He looks like the guy at the hardware store who makes the keys,’’ he said, according to a transcript provided by CBS. “He looks like the guy who can’t stop talking about how well his tomatoes are doing. He looks like the guy who goes into town for turpentine. He looks like the guy who always has wiry hair growing out of new places. He looks like the guy who points out the spots they missed at the car wash.’’

Then Mr. McCain walked out on stage.

“Hi, Letterman,’’ he said. “You think that stuff’s pretty funny, don’t you?”

Then Mr. McCain unleashed a slew of his own you-look-like-a-guy jokes at Mr. Letterman.

“Well, you look like a guy whose laptop would be seized by the authorities,’’ Mr. McCain said. “You look like a guy caught smuggling reptiles in his pants.’’

Mr. Letterman interjected: “Don’t knock it if you haven’t tried it.’’

Mr. McCain continued: “You look like the guy who the neighbors later say, ‘He mostly kept to himself.’ You look like the night manager of a creepy motel.’’

“Well, that’s what I need,’’ Mr. Letterman said.

Then Mr. McCain delivers the coup de grace: “And you look like the guy who enjoys getting into a hot tub and watching his swim trunks inflate.’’

On Tuesday, everybody was a comedian. The Democratic National Committee came up with its own April Fool’s day list of the “Top 10 Reasons to Vote for John McCain.” They included “Early Bird Specials at the White House cafeteria,” “Finally, the President of the National Press Club will be made a member of the cabinet,’’ “Best Karaoke Song Ever: ‘Bomb, Bomb, Bomb, Bomb, Bomb Iran’ ” and the number one reason: “The last seven years have been so great, let’s have four more!”

Apparently Hillary Clinton’s memory of her Bosnia trip isn’t exactly accurate. CBS News was there 12 years ago when Clinton visited the country - the video shows a starkly different scenario than she described last week during a speech. So much for all that “experience”.

It’s been a crazy past three months, huh? Without new TV programs to keep us occupied, Americans actually had to go out and do things, keep up with current events. A lot of us even voted.

I don’t know about you, but I was getting pretty nervous, what with all this activity and all. I even went walking this past Saturday. Not because I needed to get to work or whatever, but because I thought, “Boy, it sure is nice out. I should get my fat ass to the park.” Thankfully, the writers are back.

Even though the ink’s not dry on the new agreement forged between the WGA and the studios, CBS is already rushing to get new shows back on the air. Two and a Half Men, How I Met Your Mother and Big Bang Theory will all return March 14th. A whole bunch of other shows I don’t watch such as Numb3rs, The Ghost Whisperer and the entire gaggle of CSI programs will follow suit in the following weeks.

No offense to Meg Oliver, but I don’t watch anything on CBS (except Up to the Minute, of course), so I could really give a fuck about this announcement. My only hope is that other networks will follow suit, and NBC can get Heroes and The Office back ASAP. Thx.