Britain’s favorite little drug addict was at it again last night, reportedly punching Moroccan musician Mustapha el Mounmi in the face and head butting a stranger who was trying to hail her a cab…

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For the first time in Britain two blind patients have been implanted with bionic eyes. The procedure was preformed at Moorfields Eye Hospital in central London last week and the two patients are said to be “doing well.”

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Though it remains somewhat secretive, many of Britain’s major financial institutions have begun employing astrologers to help navigate the currently rife-with-peril financial markets. Maybe the US should start giving that shit a try:

Christeen is one of a growing, albeit secretive, network of astrologers who work for seemingly conservative British institutions such as high street banks, City investment funds and retailers. Desperate to avoid financial meltdown in the ongoing ‘credit crunch’ and to spot fashions and consumer trends before they start, these institutions have turned to the stars to divine the future.

“Most academics distrust astrology and regard it as mumbo-jumbo,” she says. “The thing is, it works. Nobody’s sure how it works but it does. Most of my clients are businesspeople who are very canny. If it didn’t work for them, then why would they use it?”

The story goes on to recount the astrological affinities of Hitler, Ronald Reagan and Boris Yeltsin among others and ends with, of course, the speculation that all planetary signs are pointing towards….wait for it…2012! as being a time of immense upheaval:

“In 2012 we’ll be entering the precession of the equinoxes, which is the most important thing that’s happened in the last 26,000 years. That suggests that something mega is going to happen. There will be a huge change in the world’s psychology caused by a huge natural disaster or a massive change in spiritual beliefs. We have an interesting four years ahead of us.”

A useful meme indeed!

On the heels of Russia’s claiming the North Pole a few months back, many others nations are rushing to stake a claim to millions of miles of seabed under the new UN Law of the Sea Convention:

The 21st century land rush is likely to be the last big shift in land ownership in centuries and reflects the necessity to claim new seams of the Earth’s resources. In total, as much as 2.7m square miles - an area similar in size to Australia - is believed to be at stake.

As usual, it’s about oil:

Britain is preparing territorial claims on tens of thousands of square miles of the Atlantic Ocean floor around the Falklands, Ascension Island and Rockall in the hope of annexing potentially lucrative gas, mineral and oil fields

And, uh, oil:

With a high degree of likelihood, Russia will be able to increase its continental shelf by 1.2 million square kilometers [460,000 square miles] with potential hydrocarbon reserves of not less than 9,000 to 10,000 billion tonnes of conventional fuel beyond the 200-mile [322 kilometer] economic zone in the Arctic Ocean