The New York Knicks are preparing a contract offer for Phoenix Suns coach Mike D’Antoni. The deal, reportedly worth $30 million over five years, would make D’Antoni one the highest paid coaches in the game. BUT, despite the big money, let’s remember who D’Antoni would be coaching: the stinking ass Knicks. This is a team on the heels of seven consecutive losing seasons, with a management crew that couldn’t find their way out of a paper bag. D’Antoni would be wise to let this one pass and head for Chicago.

In an upcoming episode of YES Network’s YESterdays, Alex Rodriguez’s wife Cynthia regales us with tales of A-Rod’s less-than heroic off-field endeavors. According to Cynthia, Rodriguez fainted at the hospital while his wife was giving birth to the couple’s first child in 2004.

“The one nurse had a cold cloth on his head. The other nurse had the blood pressure on his arm. And my mother was like rubbing his back. And he is passed out on a couch. And I am there, in the middle of labor,” Cynthia Rodriguez told the TV show, which airs Wednesday night. “And really, I am not being paid much attention to besides the doctor and a couple of nurses. And he is there moaning. In between pushing, I am going, ‘Honey, are you OK?’ and ‘Are you breathing? Are you OK?’”

Is this the kind of man we want shattering baseball’s all-time home run record? A sniveling baby? Wait, I didn’t say that. A-Rod is much, much bigger than me. Plus I saw him hit one of the hugest homeruns of all time against my San Francisco Giants in San Francisco. I’m still stunned by it. Let him faint.

Also, why is this news? To borrow a line from myself last night while talking to a friend about the indifference I have about all-over-print clothing, “Who gives a shit?”

On the heels of last month’s incident in Minnesota, when a father shot and killed his 8-year-old son thinking he was a turkey, a Kentucky man shot and killed his 14-year-old son on Sunday….wait for it…thinking he was a turkey:

The father and son were turkey hunting. Police say Steven Schmidthuber got separated from his father, David, 30 minutes after they went into the woods. Police say the father thought his son was a turkey, so he fired at him.

I guess the moral of the story is, next time you’re thinking about taking your boy turkey hunting, maybe you ought to try fishing, or maybe bowling. How about a nice game of Big Buck Hunter?

The San Jose Sharks and Dallas Stars played two full games and then some on Sunday night in Texas in the eighth longest game in NHL history. Dallas net-minder Marty Turco made a franchise record 61 saves, while Evgeni Nabokov grabbed 53 in the 2-1 loss. Brenden Morrow scored the winning goal 9:03 into the fourth overtime. It was a tough loss for the Sharks, who played their asses off to get back in the series after going down 3-0. The Stars were certainly the deserving team, as they managed three out of four OT victories in the set. Damn—four overtimes in a six game series??

As is lately the case, another wait till next year for Bay Area sports.

Say it ain’t so, Marvin!

Hall of Fame to be wide receiver of the Indianapolis Colts, Marvin Harrison, is under investigation after a shooting incident outside his North Philadelphia bar, Playmakers. Apparently there was an argument, followed by an altercation outside, shots were fired, and Harrison’s opponent was hit in the hand. Police have linked a gun to Harrison, but no charges have yet to be filed.

I just don’t want to picture Marvin Harrison as some sort of punk. He’s always been classy on the field, and I would like to keep that image in my head. We’ll see how it shakes out…

Tomorrow is the first Saturday in May, which means it’s time to bust out your widest brimmed hat and celebrate the 20 galloping three-year olds of the Kentucky Derby! Go, ponies, go! Which noble steed will stand tall and proud, draped in a blanket of roses, posing for pictures in the winner’s circle at Churchill Downs? Will it be Big Brown? Colonel John? Or an upset??? Regardless, you betta be boozed up on the traditional Kentucky Derby drink: The Mint Julep!