Ten minutes ago I was en route to the bank. I walked up to the doors with the intention of depositing a check, but found them locked. What? Oh yeah, it’s Columbus Day. Using the ATM instead, two more people in a matter of five minutes did the exact same thing, both of whom failed to make the connection.

“Columbus Day,” I spouted. “Oh. Ha…” the response.

There are currently 10 Federal holidays per year in the United States of America. For those who don’t feel like checking the above link, I’ll spell them out in order: New Year’s, MLK, Washington’s Bday, Memorial, Independence, Labor, Columbus, Veterans, Thanksgiving and Christmas. Of the 10, our salute to the Italian born explorer is undoubtedly the most absurd and least appreciated, and for good reason.

Essentially, we reserve a pseudo national day of recognition for a man that “discovered” our continent by accident. His 1492 landing paved the way for Europe to colonize the New World. Columbus’ find, accidental as it may have been, is indeed significant and deserving of an important mark. But historical reality also knows full well that the process of imperialism and colonization which then unfolded throughout the Americas was extensively brutal and tragic, and in the case of our own country, represents the root of a slow moving genocide that virtually wiped out the indigenous peoples inhabiting what we call the United States.

In short, Christopher Columbus is indeed a significant figure in the scope of Western civilization as we know it, and, at a time when people were less educated, more than deserving of his sainthood and lofty appreciation. But this is the 21st century, and we now know that the heroic cape thrown upon Columbus and his legacy is tattered and full of holes.

So forget Columbus Day. He was who he was: ambitious, fortunate and [insert disparaging adjective here], leaving us directly linked. But Christopher Columbus was no hero, and sure as hell no saint.

So it’s raining and I’m chilly and that makes me think of snowwwwwwwwww. Weee.

Burton Snowboards new series “Love” has boards clad with oldschool Playboy models.

Moms across America are worried for their lil’ boys. Anyways, I think they’re fly and I would even ride one! Come on Burton, hook a sista up!

Actually, this is my face when I read this blog

Actually, this is my face when I read this blog.

Word from the Hillary Clinton camp is that she is going to FINALLY fuck off and back Barack Obama on Saturday. But I think we all know the truth: she is making her play to become his running mate as Vice President.

The country did pretty fucking well while Ol’ Bill Clinton was getting his cock sucked by slightly overweight slags in the Oval Office for 8 years, so having an Obama/Clinton ticket could do pretty well. Not because people want Hillary in the White House, but because they want Barack Obama in the White House and they trust Bill Clinton to keep an eye on him and make sure he doesn’t royally fuck things up.

At the same time, if I were Barack (we are on a first name basis) I would tell Hillary to kiss my ass in the county square for dragging this bull shit out for so long and talking too many people out of voting for me and ask John Edwards or some other safe white dude. Thanks to her, now it’s going to be a huge uphill battle to beat crusty ass Republican John McCain at a time when people should be clamoring to vote for anything with a “D” next to it on election day because George W Bush has been a total slap dick for 8 years straight.

So, thanks for the gesture Hillary, but I have a hard time buying it. You’ve been getting cheated on with multiple partners for most, if not all of your marriage, but liked the power of the office too much to tell Bill to kick rocks like any self respecting woman would have done, and this is no different. Veep is better than nothing!

“Barack!! I didn’t mean all that shit I said about you bro! You know that’s just business. We’re still cool right? ….right?”