We’ve all received emails trying to convince us that our Johnson’s are too small, and to fix that we need to buy some pills, a pump or a hypnosis video. Most people just delete these emails, knowing they are complete rubbish. But what about the people that read the statistics equipped in these emails, do they become psychologically harmed over time?

I am beginning to think so, yes.

There’s one man who’s had enough. A video featuring artists and random people kidnapped off the sidewalks from Chico, CA has just been released onto the interwebs. I assume this video is the result from years of receiving Penis Enlargement spam emails, failure in bed and society’s need to make every person alive feel inadequate. But it could also be a blow in you face because his is bigger than yours. I really don’t know for sure.

Anyways, without further adieu, I present to you The Small Penis Blues.

Note:I am an extra in this video, see if you can find me.

“The Best Revenge Is Giving Them Crabs” is the motto of Revenge Crabs, a new Web site created by retail crab lice specialists. They can even custom breed aggressive species. JESUS!

In short, we give crabs to your ex-girlfriend. No if’s, not too many and’s, but we promise a very itchy butt. You’ve got an ex, a grudge and a valid credit card with matching billing & shipping addresses, and we’ve got crabs.If you want a way to get back that doesn’t involve permanent damage or risk of personal injury or jail time, you now have a place to turn.

They mail you out a little package with purple dots in it, which are live crabs. They need to be sprinkled on bedding, clothing, etc. to ensure the person fully suffers from genital lice. GROSS!

In the episode of Family Guy where Peter gets Death (Adam Corolla) a date with an awkward pet shop owner, Death and the girl go out to a coffee shop. The conversation goes quiet, and Death, trying to perk up the unbearable scilence, asks, “So, have you been on the internet? They’ve got some crazy things on that internet”.  Death was undoubtedly talking about people that have sex with cars.

Mechaphiles, or people with a fetish towards machinery, are a quiet group of people in the sex world, but they do exist. Forums like Sex With Cars allow people with like-minded interests about fornicating with cars, boats, etc. to come together, although most of these sites seem to be pretty dead in terms of activity.

After a tad of research and some really creepy mental pictures, I’ve come to realize there are actually people out there into weirder shit than me (hell, some people would claim that getting peed on with an apple in my mouth, tied up like a roasted pig while Disney’s Bambi is playing in the background isn’t that weird in the first place). Anyways, after the jump is the complete guide to having sex with cars… I don’t know if it’s appropriate for minors, but I’m pretty confused about the whole topic in general.

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Freeman, who is still hospitalized for the epic car crash he was in, is now seeking divorce from his wife of 24 years. I wonder if this has anything to do with Demaris Meyer, the mystery girl that was riding shotgun in Freeman’s car at the time of the accident.

A spokesman for Freeman - who is in hospital recovering from a broken arm, a broken elbow and minor shoulder damage - told Access Hollywood he is seeking a divorce from his wife, costumer Myrna Colley-Lee.

“(They) are involved in a divorce action,” the actor’s Mississippi-based attorney and business partner Bill Luckett said.

“And for legal and practical purposes, (Freeman and Colley-Lee) have been separated since December of 2007.”

The mystery woman in Freeman’s car at the time it rolled has been identified as Demaris Meyer, a friend of Freeman’s.

The jaws of life were required to cut both passengers from the wreckage when the car swerved off the road and rolled end-over-end on Sunday night, on a highway near a home Freeman has in Charleston, Mississippi.

This is kind of getting messed up. First the poor guy is in some horrific car crash, and then he makes what we can only assume is a slit second decision and drops this bomb on his wife. Granted, they were separated since last December, but it’s not too much of a coincidence the 2 events happened one after another.  I’m kinda confused about it, so I’ll let Dr. Seuss do my talking for me…

SOY = The new wonder drug for male contraception. Eating half a serving of any soy-based foods a day is said to lower male sperm count. There was a study conducted at the Harvard School of Public Health in Boston and it found that men consuming high amounts of soy products had a lower sperm concentration compared to those who did not eat soy foods.

It won’t make you immune to being a baby’s daddy but it might help so get yourself some edamame Mmmm.

Here comes Guido Beach.

I’m sure some nice people come from New Jersey, but that’s way too many popped collars for my taste. The video is 7 minutes long, but well worth the watch.