Eat your heart out Spider Woman.

Little Lakshmi, born in the settlement of Rampur Kodar Katti in the northern state of Bihar, India, was thought by locals to be the reincarnation of her namesake, the 4-armed Goddess lakshmi. Doctors, however, insist that Lakshmi has a parasitic conjoined twin, born with a torso and limbs, but no head, and must be separated in order to survive. Holding a press conference 10 hours into the 40-hour operation, the doctors said that all was well.

Soon little Lakshmi will no longer be all that special. Except in her special little heart. Aaaawwwwwwww….

In honor of today being Halloween, I’d like to remind you that one day you will be dead. Sorry. For more information on being dead , click the fucking more link
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All the shit you throw away — grocery bags, cd cases, water bottles, toys, iPods — ends up in the Great Pacific Garbage Patch, a heap of debris floating in the Pacific twice the size of Texas, consisting of 80 percent plastics and weighing some 3.5 million tons, and floating where few people ever travel, in no-man’s land between San Francisco and Hawaii.

Ocean current patterns may keep the flotsam stashed in a part of the world few will ever see, but the majority of its content is generated onshore, according to a report from Greenpeace last year titled “Plastic Debris in the World’s Oceans.”The report found that 80 percent of the oceans’ litter originated on land. While ships drop the occasional load of shoes or hockey gloves into the waters (sometimes on purpose and illegally), the vast majority of sea garbage begins its journey as onshore trash.

If you want to feel really bad about it, read always-genius Mark Morford’s take on it here. You see, its not just killing fish and turtles and bird, but it’s killing us too!

The poetry goes something like this: Plastic bottle is tossed away. Plastic bottle, along with millions just like it, escapes out to sea, drifts and wanders and ultimately joins giant toxic stew of other plastic garbage sitting like a massive island in middle of impartial but increasingly wary ocean.

Time passes. Life churns. Sea birds and other large marine life ingest (and then die from) some of the billions of bits of brightly-colored plastic floating about, as the sun slowly breaks down the rest of the plastic bottle into its fundamental, ultra-toxic polymer molecules. Stew thickens.

And then, the magic happens. Nature’s most efficient organic filters, the sea jellies, absorb those tiny plastic molecules into their bodies. Small fish eat the jellies. Larger fish eat the smaller fish. Slowly, the deadly plastics, which never completely biodegrade, amble their way back up the food chain and back into the stomachs and bloodstreams and ecosystems of larger and larger animals until, voila, there again is your plastic bottle, right there on your dinner plate. Neat!

Oh, I guess some of you might. Well, the word is that a Pennsylvania hunter was out in the woods to shoot photos of deer when he stumbled upon an animal that pretty much looks like either a) a bear doing its best imitation of Quasimoto; b) a big-ass hunting dog who was lost in the fray of an afternoon firefight; c) a severely wayward baby African elephant; or d) Robin Williams touching his toes. The animal in question, according to the Bigfoot Research Organization’s (?) Paul Majeta, appears to be a “juvenile Sasquatch.” There are even rumors of a spike in Bigfoot existence gambling odds, according to an online gambling blog. The things people will find interesting when they try to ignore Global Warming…
The real tragedy here is that somewhere out there, Harry is looking for his son.. John Lithgow could not be reached for comment.

According to the always completely rational Shirley MacLaine, in her new book Sage-Ing While Age-Ing, Presidential candidate and Ohio congressman Dennis Kucinich had a close encounter with a UFO while visiting her at her Washington home.

Kucinich, she writes on page143-144 of the book, “had a close sighting over my home in Graham, Washington, when I lived there. Dennis found his encounter extremely moving. The smell of roses drew him out to my balcony where, when he looked up, he saw a gigantic triangular craft, silent, and observing him. It hovered, soundless, for ten minutes or so, and sped away with a speed he couldn’t comprehend. He said he felt a connection in his heart and heard directions in his mind.”

Beat that Barack Obama!

The people over at New Scientist, who are always on some other shit anyway, are now officially on some OTHER other shit. They are currently featuring on their website a DEATH SPECIAL, which includes a litany of amazingly interesting articles on the one thing people rarely ever want to talk about. Among these are: “How Does it Feel To Die” a look into, literally, how it feels to die, and “What Happens After You Die” a somewhat comedic look at some of the past experiments into the possibilities of an afterlife. Anyways, check it out. Then die. Eventually.