The Polyamorous Affair
Bolshevik Disco
Winter Palace/Manimal

How can you name your band the Polyamorous Affair when the band is just you and your wife? I’m pretty sure that if I started a band with my significant other and tried to name it the Fucking Around On You, it would go over like a lead balloon. Anyways, they’re probably trying to sound like Ladytron with spoken female vocals and layers of keyboards, but Polyamorous’ palette of tones is hackneyed and uninspiring. The way keyboard sequencing doesn’t sync up with the drum programming on the second track, “Face Control,” sets the tone as amateurish from the start. Sorry guys, you’re not Animotion; deal with it.
Kirt Lind

If I were Michael Jackson, I would be on an island right now. Laughing, rolling in jewels and beckoning my bronzed man-boy servant to bring me another mai tai.

It just goes to show: I should have been Michael Jackson.

If you ever have a chance to purchase a bottle of Honey Run Elderberry Honeywine, choose mad Dog or Boone’s instead. I feel so disgusting after only a few si[s of this sugary-icky brew.

By the end of the day on Saturday, I’d seen and heard over twenty bands of music’s finest. White Rabbits and People Under the Stairs were the heroes of Thursday’s lineups, but the festival and its patrons were just getting their feet wet. With a merciless thunderstorm late on Thursday night, the feet of every Bonnaroo-er were not just wet, but downright slopped with mud. Nobody was fazed. Crowds were wild and packed for a hypnotizing Animal Collective ; thousands were cutting up the lawn with funky dance moves when New Orleans’ Galactic brought the noise… and the 10 minute horn battle; they swooned and screamed for Al Green , adorned in a proper suit and holding a bouquet of roses. In James Brown fashion he addressed the crowd, flirted with some Betty’s in the front row, then commanded “BAND!” and the spot-on quintet ripped into a hip-shakin’ funk number. The Mars Volta brought as much energy as anyone so far, brought new life to rock improv, and brought a new drummer who wins my percussionist of the day award.

The sun continued to sizzle, the crowds continued to down the local microbrews, and Friday was long from over. Increasing crowds made their way to David Byrne , whose combo of musicianship and showmanship was almost unrivaled. Piping hot back up singers and dancers joined him on stage, and participated in the choreographed band dances. Then when everyone thought they’d seen it all, he leaves the stage and reappears wearing a tutu. They hadn’t seen it all anyway though, because they hadn’t seen the Beastie Boys . Picture them as good as you’d think they’d be, and then try to imagine something better. Even with a few structural hiccups in the music, the Beasties stole the show for me… with Mix Master Mike taking the title of best individual performance. I would’ve liked to hear “The Sounds of Science” but hey, when they bring out Nas to do Paul Revere and a few others, you really can’t complain.

My legs and liver had had enough at that point so I went back and tried to catch some Zs. I managed to get more in than usual and woke ready for another day of a non-stop talent party.

Next up, Ambler 2 with his lens on the day. Enjoy ya’ll…

It’s Tuesday afternoon, two days till the start of the 2009 Bonnaroo festival and the final word comes down, I’m going. Then came the hard part, getting there. I mounted my computer with the intensity of mating rhinos and spent the next thirty hour period drifting between five different travel websites looking for the cheapest flights into thirty-two different airports. After giving up three times I found Charlotte, NC for under $250 on CheapOAir.com which was a little under half of all other flights into the thirty-two airports I looked at (and i would highly recommend that you check this site out if you plan on taking to the skies in the future).

This however presented me with problem number two; Charlotte is over 350 miles by car from where Bonaroo is held in Manchester, TN. So my next move was to book a ride on the big dog, Greyhound Bus Lines. A direct route to Manchester was estimated at fifteen hours at price of $144, that wasn’t happening but a bus to Atlanta was for only $90, and a second bus ride to Manchester for $4O at nearly half the traveling time. All booking was finished on Wednesday, 5 PM the day before the festival.

I left for SFO at 2AM PST and arrived in Charlotte at 7PM EST (many crying plane babies included). From there its a 9PM EST bus ride to Atlanta that arrived at 2:30AM EST. After a three hour wait I board my bus and arrive at a gas station in Manchester on Friday 10AM central with two new Bonnaroo friends, a sore body, a new found respect for bus drivers, and I’m sure some random communicable disease.

Now comes problem number three. I haven’t been able to reach Ambler #1 since Charlotte, and he is my access to my ticket. Luckily i had remembered that will call was in town and was able to finagle myself a ride. To my fortune Ambler #1 had left my ticket behind for me….. I’m Going. I was shown a back road into the festival which was only a mile and a half away. So I began my walk with all my bags pumping my fists and singing Devendra Banhart songs to myself as I ambled. After a brief time of standing on an overpass dancing and waving to cars going by I entered the muddiest tent nation I could never imagine, alone. Very alone. Luckily as I stepped onto the festival grounds I received a call from a random number…… AMBLER #1 on a strangers phone. Turns out he had left his out side just in time for a typical Tennessee downpour. Ragged. I shouted out i see a big pink number eight balloon, the rendezvous was set, and the chaos set in motion.

We greeted each other with a dance, a wiggle, a hug, and a loud BUBBA!!! I could see the sleep deprivation in his eyes, and on his clothes and I knew things were going to be nucking futty.

-Ambler 2

I don’t know if ya’ll heard but the Synthesis has two reps out in Manchester, Tennessee, for Bonnaroo 2009. That’s right, I’m already saying “ya’ll.” Let’s get you in the mood first before I spill all the beans. I’m all set to ride solo out to Tennessee to check out one of the world’s best music festivals. Without hope I rouse my friend and bandmate Byron Dunning to come find a way out here because I have an extra press pass, which would get someone in for free instead of paying for the $350 ticket. Sometimes shots in the dark hit their target, and let me say BULLSEYE. Byron will blog next and tell you the crazy tale of his adventure from Chico, CA, out to Bonnaroo in Tennessee so I’ll spare those details. There’s plenty more to be said, however.

Driving into Manchester from Atlanta, GA (where I flew in on Wednesday night), reminded me of that Southern phenomena where the air conditioning is blasting yet the wind shield wipers are at top speed to clear the downpour. I made my way into a 90,000-person, tent nation of comaraderie after waiting for hours and miles in a highway line, the likes of which would blow the mind right out the ear of any western festival goer. Tent nation is really the best way to describe the community here. Try to picture 90,000 people scattered across an enormous Tennessee farmland for miles and miles and miles. Before the tent was set up, I was offered literally every drug I’ve ever heard of and a few that sounded as made-up as they were potent. By midnight I had seen several bands, from your classic indie rock to your heavy blues outfits, to your percussion-electronica combos to every other space between the lines you can imagine. And it absolutely does not stop. Long story short, it wasn’t until early Saturday morning that Z’s were caught (that’s about 40 hours running). Sleeping is pretty tricky here… there’s too much talent from the big stages to the itty bitty ones to kid yourself into leaving the primary stage areas (called Centeroo) and when you do you crash, you’ve got about 2 hours before the Tennessee sun starts melting your tent and the birds start rousing you awake. Nobody’s complaining, though. Everybody’s on the same page; the staff and volunteers are very organized and helpful; everyone wants to share everything with everyone else; the http://www.bonnaroo.com/festival/greening-activism.aspx is worthy of more than a hat-tip; the talent is overflowing, the food is delicious, and this writer is ready for more. Stay tuned very soon for more specifics and the crazy adventures of Ambler 1 and Ambler 2.

Gotta run… I’m back stage watching Flava Flav get interviewed by Triumph the dog with TV on the Radio nearby blowing minds, reassembling them, and blowing them again.

Next blog with band specifics and hopefully some photos if double A’s can be tracked down. I might have to trade a beer. Alas, back to neverland….