Chinese authorities have put a “secret” ban on black people. The authorities have requested that during the Olympic Games in Beijing next month, all bars surrounding the Games must deny service to black people and “other social undesirables.” The Public Security Bureau is requiring that service be denied to black people and Mongolians.

“Uniformed Public Security Bureau officers came into the bar recently and told me not to serve black people or Mongolians,” said the co-owner of a western-style bar, who asked not to be named.

The local authorities have been cracking down on blacks and Mongolians in an attempt to stamp out drug dealing and prostitution ahead of the Games, the proprietors said.

A few months ago, police launched a violent sting on black men drinking in the Sanlitun bar district, and a notorious nightclub largely populated by Mongolian prostitutes was also shut down.

Guess it isn’t a secret anymore because it’s posted all over the internet. Bad move.

Today marks the 90th birthday of former South African President Nelson Mandela, a leader for civil rights and democracy, political prisoner of nearly 30 years and one of the main proponents in ending Apartheid. (No, President Bush, Mandela was not killed by Saddam.) Let’s hope the Black Pimpernel stays around a while longer.

For more info on why you should care about Nelson Mandela, check out the Reuters timeline, or the BE-All-END-All Source of Research Information.

The above picture is probably about as close as anyone got to President Bush when he passed through Redding, CA, today to view the wildfires in the Northstate (and this probably wasn’t even the aircraft he was in). I actually don’t blame him for not wanting to touch down or talk to anyone; people in Redding suck. BUT, it is a retirement community, and it is ultra Conservative. You’d think he could have dropped by ye olde Church of Christ to wow a sea of dopey soccer moms. What a dick. Is it a felony to say I would have told him to fuck DIRECTLY off? I hope not. But, seriously man, he can fuck off. Eghads, the last time a president visited anywhere near Redding, they erected a plaque commemorating the event..except it was John F. Kennedy dedicating the Dam at Whiskeytown Lake. We’ll take that one any day.

It’s hot here in Chico.  As many of us know, heat+hangover-cigarettes=certain doom. The walk down to the local Chevron station almost gave me a heat stroke. Isn’t it time that the government does something about the madness?

Well, they are. The Bush administration is taking an active pursuit to keep Americans in comfortable conditions, and they’re pulling out the big guns. In a detailed report from a legitimate news report, the government will soon be launching it’s $100 trillion program to put all of us complainers at ease during the hot summers. What exactly are they going to do?

WASHINGTON, DC—In a nationally televised address reminiscent of President Kennedy’s historic 1961 speech pledging to put a man on the moon, President Bush responded to the global warming crisis Monday by calling for the construction of a giant national air conditioner by the year 2015.
Enlarge Image National Air Conditioner

“Climate change is real and it demands a real solution,” Bush said. “Therefore, I am committed to dedicating all of the technology, all of the brainpower, and all of the resources we need in order to keep America cool and comfortable well into the 21st century.”

The National Air Conditioner Initiative is expected to be the largest public works project in the nation’s history. Because technology capable of creating an air conditioner that can fulfill the cooling needs of a continental land mass does not presently exist, the president estimated that research and development alone will require at least $100 trillion in both federal and private sector funds.

“The challenge of building an air conditioner for all Americans will be the greatest we have ever faced,” Bush said. “But we must face it. We must act now to ensure that our children and our children’s children can live in a world where they don’t get sweaty and have to change their shirts all the time.”
Bush

While Bush’s speech left many questions unanswered, such as whether the one-touch cooling settings would be under federal or state jurisdiction, reaction from congressional Democrats and Republicans has been largely favorable.

Environmental groups like the Sierra Club have taken a tough stance on the president’s plan, demanding it contain legally binding language that ensures the air conditioner will be switched to a special energy-conserving “sleep” setting when the country cools off at night. The White House has shown interest in an “economy mode” option that could be used in the event of a budgetary crisis, but it is still unknown whether such a massive unit would qualify for an Energy Star certification, let alone accommodate built-in money-saving features.

Rapper 50 Cent won his latest court custody battle with his baby’s momma, Shaniqua. It’s about time because Shaniqua seems like a total nutcase. She is blaming 50 for burning her house down and keeping her from using her Land Rover (which he probably bought!). Shaniqua has also been keeping their son, Marquise, away from fiddy - poor guy! I think he’s a good daddy. Just look, they’re matching! Aw.

A Long Island judge ruled that 50 could have unrestricted visits with his son during August. Both 50 and Shaniqua were ordered to take drug tests before visitation was granted. Surprising, but 50 passed and she tested positive for cough medicines. Sip, sip, sippin’ on some sizzurp? Crazy lady.

Last night I was drinking with some buddies. A friend that recently took a plane to LA and back told me how not only did he accidentally fly with a lighter that the security overlooked, but while waiting for his plane he met a young woman that used to work for a popular airline. She told him that if anyone of the low level employees wanted to, they could get away with something really destructive due to the lack of security and monitoring of the workers. Pretty comforting, huh?

Well, searching around the rants and raves section of Craigslist today, I saw Homeland Security’s new business plan for weeding out terrorists. This has got to be their best work yet, and I really commend them for thinking outside the box.

MARK YOUR CALENDAR FOR NEXT SATURDAY!

As you may already know, it is a sin for a Muslim male to see any woman other than his wife naked. He must commit suicide if he does. So next Saturday at 4 PM Eastern Time, all American women are asked to walk out of their house completely naked to help weed out any neighborhood terrorists. Circling your block for one hour is recommended for this anti-terrorist effort.

All patriotic men are to position themselves in lawn chairs in front of their house to prove they are not Muslims, and to demonstrate they think its okay to see nude women other than their wife, and to show support for all American women. Since Islam also does not approve of alcohol, a cold 6-pack at your side is further proof of your anti-Muslim sentiment.

The American government appreciates your efforts to root out terrorists and applauds your participation in this anti-terrorist activity. God bless America!

It is your patriotic duty to pass this on. If you don’t send this to at least 5 people you’re a terrorist sympathizing lily-livered coward and are in the position of posing as a national threat!

I’m not a lily-livered coward, so I will be doing my part in this great movement forward. God bless America.