It’s been 5 days since GTA IV came out and Rockstar has already sold 6 million copies of the game, beating out Halo 3’s launch week. 4 million people bought it the day it came out, which happened to be the 16th anniversary of the LA Riots. The game has generated $390 million. Violent video games are AWESOME!!!!11

There was a huge drug bust at San Diego State today. Nearly 100 people arrested for selling drugs in “Operation Sudden Fall”. 75 of them were students, more than a few of them studying for a degree in criminal justice and homeland security. The DEA infiltrated seven frats, where students regularly bought coke from frequently enough for one of the Theta Chi bros to send out mass text messages to his “faithful” customers advertising a sale on cocaine.

Check out the confiscated items list: four pounds of cocaine, 50 pounds of marijuana and 350 ecstasy pills. Authorities also confiscated a shotgun, three semiautomatic pistols and $60,000.

DAMN! Kids these days!

So this mom walks into Urban Outfitters to get her teenage son some clothes. She starts rifling through the titles of books they have for sale. I’ve seen ‘em… lots of Sex in the City, some sexual positions book, there’s one called Porn For Women that my mom actually bought me: it’s a picture book of hot men doing housework. (HELL YES!) Anyways, this mom is PISSED OFF that U.O. would sell such smut. Why? Why is she so uptight? Why can’t she see that it’s marketing clearly targeted to college kids and that she should just ignore the book section and move on with life? Perhaps because her name is Marci Milfs. No joke.

You can’t make this shit up…

Milfs was so appalled that she is preparing to file a complaint with the city of Lynnwood, and has already aired her frustrations to State Rep. Norma Smith, R-Clinton, and organizations including Morality in Media, Concerned Women of America and the American Family Association.

She also called Urban Outfitters’ corporate office in Philadelphia.

“They said they are not sex books or pornography books, but that they are art books and their goals are to support artists,” Milfs said.

Urban Outfitters declined to comment on Milfs’ concerns.

I’m going to ride the coattails of Ryan’s post regarding Bill Bramanti’s ridiculously awesome PBR coffin with a little story of my own. Two years ago, I worked summers with my dad remodeling kitchens and bathrooms, building kitchen sets for an appliance showroom, doing general construction here and there (yes, girls can use power tools). One sticky hot afternoon, we made a dump run. I love going to the dump; it’s fun to throw things off the back of the truck and try to break as much as possible, plus you never know what other random shit you’ll find. This was a special day, for as we were backing the truck into the unloading spot, there on top of a heap of garbage, was a shiny, powder blue, cadillac of a coffin. I turned to my dad and asked in horror, “Y-y-you d-don’t think th-there’s someone IN THERE, DO YOU?” One of the guys working there heard me and laughed.

“Nah, that was a coffin that had been ordered for somebody, who ended up not liking the color. There’s a law against returning coffins so they’re just throwing it away,” he told me.

HOW WASTEFUL, right? Well, this company has the solution. Turn ‘em into couches! For a mere $3,500 you can have this Dodger blue beauty:

We at Coffincouches.com have the mindset of thinking “Green” and we know it is different but we strongly believe in recycling. Our niche happens to be 18 gauge steel coffins which we collected from local funeral homes primarily in Southern California. It is a health and safety law that funeral homes cannot resell used coffins to the general public. We approached funeral directors with the attitude of recycling. These coffins are not used for burial due to slight cosmetic inconsistencies. They are reconfigured and modified resulting in a finished product - a unique one a kind coffin couch. If you notice (although it may be too small) the six cast iron heavy duty legs are embossed with the universal biohazard insignia. The reason we utilized this sign was because safety was our utmost concern. If you are not aware, once a human body is placed in a coffin it is considered biohazard tissue. The legs have the embossed insignia for precautionary reasons in the event body fluids are exchanged on these coffins. Perhaps you would feel safe knowing that you are in designated biohazard scene! Ha!!

I’m so sick of the disgustingly rich. It’s hard not to be bitter in this sucky economy… Jay-Z just signed a 10-year contract with Live Nation worth $150 mil: a chunk of stock, $5 million per year for “overhead,” $25 million for acquisitions and investments, $10 million an album (for a three-album deal), and $20 million for publishing, licensing, and other rights.

Madonna also signed a 10-year contract with Live Nation worth $120 mil: rumored terms include a signing bonus of about $18 million and a roughly $17 million advance for each of three albums. She also owes Warner Brothers another album plus a greatest hits CD. She’s also negotiating a 2-concert deal in Dubai that will pay $24 mil. If the concert is 90 minutes, that’s $133,333 A MINUTE. All I got to say is, FTS, how about slippin’ me a $50 just for posting this and giving you free press on our super cool blog site? That’ll cover my drinks for the weekend as I attempt to guzzle away my broke ass blues. Send it here:

Synthesis.net: Ms. Nickels

210 West 6th Street, Chico, CA 95928

K, thx! [du]Bai!

Here in rural Chico, we don’t have clever advertisements. We laugh at cute little innuendos on our billboards like “Want a quickie countertop replacement?” or “Get back in the kitchen… [bitch]”. Chico business owners typically don’t know what makes for effective advertising and more times than not, we’re told to apply the “logo-enlargement cream” to their ads. Like that’ll help. As my old friend P. Brown used to say, “Be the wiser advertiser!” so here’s some advertising that actually gets your attention: