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How many times have you woken up after a night of drinking, horribly hungover and realized you should probably go through your phone to make sure you didn’t send any drunken text messages? It’s always a pain in the ass when you realize you did in fact send some regrettable texts, but hey, don’t feel bad, now there’s an entire Website dedicated to the most insane, disgusting and hilarious messages that other people have sent! One could literally spend hours both laughing and cringing after reading these priceless texts which are conveniently separated into “good night” and “bad night” sections.
Arielle Mullen  

I used to take more time in explaining to Apple just why my programs freeze up and die on me.

Of course they would never get back to me. Now I just get right down to the nitty-gritty.

Does this help?

I hopped on to Google Trends this morning expecting to see the usual flood of nonsensical keywords that almost always ends up in the top 10: the dead B-list celeb, the free chicken that Oprah is giving away, Axl Rose, etc. Instead, I was a bit perplexed about the fact that Fire David Letterman was the most searched term on the web at the moment. I immediately checked out some of the associated stories and came across a number of almost laughable pieces, many like this gem:

You can see the Letterman Bristol Palin and Sarah Palin jokes - the source of the Fire David Letterman controversy and firedavidletterman.com - and David Letteman’s apology by clicking the links at the bottom of this article.

The Fire David Letterman movement has unloaded a raucous debate. Letterman’s detractors are calling for his ouster and his supporters see the Fire David Letterman movement as a desperate attempt on the part of conservatives - and Sarah Palin - to regain political relevance.

While many consider the joke David Letterman told about Sarah Palin (where he essentially calls her a slut) is relatively harmless, almost everyone would agree that the joke he told about Bristol Palin getting “knocked up” by A-Rod was, at the very least, in very bad taste.

Originally, the “knocked up” joke was thought to be about 14-year-old Willow Palin because it was she who accompanied Sarah Palin to the Yankees game, which was the source material for the joke. And that undertandably unleashed a storm of controversy.

David Letterman issued an apology for the Bristol Palin/A-Rod “knocked up” joke, but clearly it wasn’t enough to get his detractors to call off their demand that he be fired.

I guess we do have to consider the fact that I did get this particular ’story’ from Associated Content of all places, but let’s boil this one down a bit, shall we? Critics, the majority of whom are hailing from the Neo-con Right, are calling out Mr. Letterman because of 2 things: the first being attacking Sarah Palin, the second being the joke about the daughter, a minor.

The first is utterly moronic. I’m not quite sure how the nation all laughed along when these jokes were called out about any of the girls from The Hills, Britney Spears or that damn Octomom, but somehow calling out someone who was arguably the worst choice for VP in the history of the universe (which not only placed a giant bulls eye on her, but the entire G.O.P.) is considered wrong.

The second argument has it’s roots in controversy, but can be laid to rest with 1 simple fact: the man is a comedian. This guy isn’t hired to be politically correct, he’s hired to get laughs. Personally, the more shocking and completely inappropriate he could have made it the better. The only problem I can see with the joke is it’s note vile enough. If it was up to me the words 9/11, Hitler, coat hanger, sodomy, Polly Klaas and reverse cowgirl would have been thrown in the mix… but hey, every single joke can’t be a grand slam, right?

What most logical people are realizing is that this is the Right’s last attempt to feel like they have control over something, seeing as no one has their back at the White House. The fact of the matter is that even if you engulf yourself in Rush Limbaugh’s demonic, Bill of Rights burning rhetoric, there’s no feasible chance you’ll sleep well at night knowing that a black man has power over your country, your money, your Congress or anything that you had previously connected your self worth with. Go check out the stupidity over at Fire David Letterman (.com, of course) to see the onslaught on censorship.

Bonus: What’s the best part about ass-raping 26 year olds?
There’s 20 of them!

Clip of behind the scenes footage from The Tonight Show can be seen HERE.

Man, who’d have thought that getting real time updates on what all your worthless, average idiot friends had for dinner, or seeing pictures of what other bourgeois morons they were hanging out with last weekend would be worth so much fucking money?

Facebook is getting a $200 million investment from a Russian Internet investor that values the social networking company at $10 billion even though it has yet to turn a profit.
The investment gives Digital Sky Technologies a nearly 2 percent stake in Palo Alto, Calif.-based Facebook’s preferred stock. Digital Sky won’t get a board seat.
The $10 billion valuation for Facebook is less than the $15 billion value implied in 2007, when Microsoft spent $240 million for a 1.6 percent stake in the company — even though Facebook has substantially grown since then. However Facebook’s own appraisal after the Microsoft deal gave the company a market value of about $3.7 billion, according to details revealed in a legal settlement.

And the Facebook hyperbole doesn’t in there. An AP story over the weekend ran with the somewhat mystifying title “Google increasingly battles Facebook in search.” The story of course went on to talk about basically every other shitty social media or user-review site, only briefly mentioning Facebook, leaving one with a nose for linguistics to wonder, is Facebook becoming the Kleenex, or Band Aid of Web 2.0 social networking, the blanket namebrand which represents a whole class of products? Or are journalists and other pseudo-intellectuals so currently enamored with the social media fad that they’re eating their own balls just to see who can over-inflate the importance of “USER GENERATED CONTENT” the most???

YOU MAKE THE CALL! LEAVE YOUR COMMENTS BRO, WIKI THAT SHIT!!11 Web 3.0 YOU’RE THE BOSS, DUDE, HIVEMIND. MEMETICS IS THE NEW MARKETING

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What the hell is this shit?!  iMeem just recommended me to check out Smash Mouth & Hoobastank?  I don’t know what’s wierder, the fact that I listen to music that’s somehow labeled into the same categories as these bands or the fact that Smash Mouth is still a band.  Honestly, iMeem can go screw themselves.

/Rant