I had never heard of Aqua Dots or Bindeez Beads until yesterday, when it was announced that their manufacturer is recalling all the Aqua Dots in Australia and the US. As it turns out, when ingested, that shit turns into something close to GHB (a common type of roofie) once inside your body.

They look just plain delicious, don’t they?

So where, exactly, were the Bindeez/Aqua Dots manufactured? Where else but the leading producer of fuck-your-kids-up-with-lead-paint, and favorite US trading partner, China.

From Moose World:

The company’s products, which are manufactured by internationally approved toy
manufacturers in China, are subject to world standard independent testing. Moose
Enterprise has not experienced any safety concerns with its products since the company
was purchased by its current management team six years ago.
The product was immediately withdrawn from sale yesterday and parents can receive a
refund by freecalling 1800 303 895 or email returns@moosetoys.com .
Further information will be made available as soon as possible.
Media enquiries:
Peter Mahon
Royce Communications
Tel 03 9639 2300 / 0418 351 754

I swear, China must really have it in for our kids. It’s almost like they want to kill off or make vegetables out of our next generation, making it all the more easier to assume global hegemony/world leader status in the next 15 - 20 years. But that could never happen. Never. Ever. Even they say they’d never do that. And they would never lie to us.

As of now, you can still buy Bindeez online. Get your orders for cheap child date rape drugs in while you still can…

I present you with yet another example of that staple of blogdom, that old-reliable dead horse of lulz, the INADVERTANTLY HUMOROUS MAINSTREAMING OF THE EMO CULTURE. YAYYYYYYYYY! Today’s contestant is ultra lame Lovetoknow.com, yet another shining example of why Web 2.0 is twice as lame as Web 1.0. In there stunningly well researched breakdown of Emo Hairstyles, they offer up such gems as “Emo Style Misconceptions”:

Teenagers are frequently misunderstood, and so are their hair styles. Emo styles, in particular, may be misunderstood by parents and adults who see the styles as rebellious or uncaring. Popular misconceptions include:

* Emo styles must be long hair. Even a short hair style can be crafted to reflect the wearer’s emotions, and an emo style with short hair can be just as expressive as one with long hair.
* Emo styles aren’t washed frequently. Because creating a style to reflect one’s emotions may require copious amounts of hair gel and other styling products, many people assume that the hair isn’t clean. While some teenagers may choose not to wash their hair daily, this is not a necessary characteristic of emo styles.
* Only guys wear emo styles. In fact, many young women use their hair styles to express their emotions, and female emo hair cuts are just as popular as those among young men. This misconception comes from the roots of the style, when primarily male bands first introduced the popular look to teenagers.
* Teens who wear emo styles are unstable. Parents and other adults can be nervous when a teen radically changes their hair style, especially if it is outside the accepted bounds of “proper” hair styles. The fact that many emo styles change regularly can be disconcerting to people who don’t understand the type of style. In fact, individuals who wear emo hair styles cannot be judged by the way their hair looks any better than they can be judged by the type of music they listen to or the clothes they wear.

And the even more inspiring “Choosing an Emo Style”:

The best place an individual can look for inspiration for their emo style, however, is inside themselves. Because an emo style is a deeply personal expression, it cannot be copied from another person who many not have the same thoughts, beliefs, or emotions. Certain elements of different hair styles may appeal to many teenagers, but the style should always incorporate personal flair and preferences for color, length, styling, and other details. Consulting with a professional stylist can also help individuals choose expressive styles that are suitable for their face shape, hair texture, and other hair care needs.

Best of all though, are the actual pictures of supposed “emo styles” which range from loser goth creep guy with a fucking dagger earring

to street punk dyke who sucks dick for enough money to buy a tall can of Steel Reserve:

SORRY BRO TOTALLY NOT EMO

Let me preclude this blog by stating explicitly that I watch way too much television. I know that it is detrimental to my general level of intelligence, but I just can’t help myself. So, the very much arbitrary (hence the title) notion struck me to give some suggestions as to what you may want to catch this season on the good ol’ boob tube. My proposed daily itinerary is as follows:

Mon: 11:30PM the Boondocks: This show dabbles in Manga-style animation and has the likes of John Witherspoon, Samuel L. Jackson, Charlie Murphy, and Regina King lending their comedic and vocal talent. It’s like “Word, ya know whatt’a mean?”

Tues: This day can be completely free from television. Go out and kick around some leaves or something.

Wed: South Park at 10:00PM. I feel secure that you all know what South Park is about. What kind of person couldn’t find at least some enjoyment in the “Imagination Land” trilogy?

Thurs: Thursday is a fine day for vegging in front of the blessed television screen. The Office airs at 9Pm on NBC, and It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia airs at 10PM on FX. Watch them both, and, trust me, you will be entertained.

Fri: What? You would actually watch T.V. on a Friday night? What a loser you are. Just kidding, having a life is overrated. I guess you could watch Deal or No Deal on NBC, if you have a thing for Bob Saget, or are for some other reason so inclined.

Sat: What else but NBC’s Saturday Night Live? See, it’s completely legit to stay in Saturday night, it is in no way comparable to staying in on a Friday.

Sun: At least a fraction of your “day of rest” could befittingly include watching a cartoon or two (or three, or four, or five). Although there is often some variation regarding show times, (and interference from those pesky athletic events), you can usually catch a chain of animated hilarity starting at 7:30PM on FOX that includes episodes of King of the Hill, the Simpsons, Family Guy and American Dad. The entertainment doesn’t cease there. Metalocalypse, Robot Chicken, and Lucy the Daughter of the Devil also air on Sunday night, starting at 11:30PM.

*It should also be noted that Late Night with Conan O’Brien is an excellent show that can be caught Monday through Friday on NBC at 12:37PM.

So, there you have it. Mind-numbingly awesome entertainment just waiting for you to take advantage. Life is good, no?

Now that our blog is for the moment focused on interracial relationships…

I twice kissed a black guy. And I loved every moment. Their lips were soft and juicy and I wanted to just fall fast asleep right there. Plus they have really smooth game.

However, the best lips I’ve ever kissed were Mexican. That’s you, Gerardo. X

Like most songs by The Hives, I have absolutely no idea what “Tick Tick Boom” is all about. Love Pelle Almqvist’s voice, but definitely think his lyrics need a bit of work. But whatever, I guess not everyone needs to be a Leonard Cohen. Actions speak louder than words anyway, and in their video for “tick Tick Boom” they are giants, they fuck the shit out of art and make big explosions and funny faces. Their new album, The Black and White Album, hits US shores Tuesday November 13th.

So people who hang out on the internet might remember way back to yesterday, when news broke that a leaked phone conversation which featured Dog the Bounty Hunter aka Duane Chapman imploring his son Tucker to stop dating a “nigger” had led to the suspension of production on Dog’s eponymous show on A&E. As it turns out, the conversation was actually recorded and leaked by Tucker Chapman himself, who then sold the tape to the National Enquirer for what Dog’s lawyer decribed as “a lot of money.”  Talk about Bounty Hunting! For his part, Dog is, of course, apologetic to both his son and the woman (before he knew, however, that it was his son who leaked the tape) and issuing a statement that he was”disappointed in his choice of a friend, not due to her race, but her character. However, I should have never used that term.” He also said he was ashamed of himself and pledged to make amends.

I would ALMOST feel sorry for Dog, I mean, everyone fucks up, especially when no ones looking. But unfortunately, bylaw 345 line 6 of the 21st Century Media Rulebook states that “any person starring or otherwise appearing in a biographical reality television series based upon their supposed ‘real life’ automatically forfeits any and all right to privacy and/or sympathy from the media and greater public in the event of a personal fuck-up.” Sorry, brah. Aloha!!