So apparently, dudes with shitty girlfriends and no lives have decided that March 14th, one month after Valentines Day, is officially Steak and Blowjob Day, a holiday created “so you ladies finally have a day to show your man how much you care for him.” For what its worth, some girl sucking my dick after I just ate a bunch of red meat doesn’t really strike me as the ultimate pledge of devotion. It sounds like some Eliot Spitzer type shit.  I’ll take a Veggie Burrito and some old fashioned missionary any day of the week, thank you very much.

According to a report from the Associated Press, a 35-year-old Kansas woman named Pam Babcock was pried from the toilet seat of her boyfriend’s bathroom after spending nearly two years there. Shockingly, her sojourn in the lavatory was one of choice and not forcible imprisonment according to her boyfriend Kory McFarren:

“It just kind of happened one day. She went in and had been in there a little while, the next time it was a little longer. Then she got it in her head she was going to stay — like it was a safe place for her.”

During Babcock’s stay in the bathroom her boyfriend brought her food and clothes and they even engaged in conversation. It was seemingly a normal relationship (except for the whole kidnapper dynamic). On February 27^th McFarren finally got a clue that something might be amiss and called the police to report that there was something “wrong” with his girlfriend. When authorities arrived however, Babcock was unwilling to cooperate:

It appeared the 35-year-old Ness City woman’s skin had grown around the seat, said Ness County Sheriff Bryan Whipple. The woman initially refused emergency medical services but was finally convinced by responders and her boyfriend that she needed to be checked out at a hospital.

“We pried the toilet seat off with a pry bar and the seat went with her to the hospital,” Whipple said. “The hospital removed it.”

It is currently unclear whether any charges will be brought against McFarren. He says he wasn’t forcing her to stay, and she didn’t want to leave, so I don’t see how he can really be charged with anything, except maybe negligent stupidity for not recognizing the problem sooner. My only question now is what did that bathroom look like? There had to be some form of entertainment in there, otherwise the lady would’ve gone crazy. Unless of course she was already crazy to begin with…

Like Radiohead before them, NIN have proved that people really are dumb enough to pay for a record they can get for free:

Nine Inch Nails’ 36-track instrumental opus Ghosts I-IV, released March 2 via NIN.com, has amassed a first week total of 781,917
transactions (including free and paid downloads as well as orders for physical product), resulting in a take of $1,619,420 USD.

“These figures represent the most relevant and contemporary metric for measuring how Nine Inch Nails’ music is reaching its fans,” said NIN manager Jim Guerinot.

NIN’s label The Null Corporation will not be releasing traditional sales figures to soundscan.

As previously reported, the $300 Ultra-Deluxe Limited Edition of Ghosts I-IV immediately sold out its run of 2500. The $5 Download, $10 2XCD set and $75 Limited Edition Deluxe versions are still available at NIN.com.

The $10 2XCD SET will be released to retail April 5 in Australia and Japan, April 8 in North America, and April 7 in the UK and most European territories. A $39 4X vinyl version will be available at retail April 8.

It seems like any Jew I know who “breaks k” loves Bacon. I have also known more than a few vegetarians who secretly sneak a slab of bacon in their breakfast from time to time. Something about the taste of Bacon is enough to supercede almost any moral, or religious (or healthy) dietary  regimen. But now you can fulfill your bacon jones without compromising your values, thanks to the ingenious Bacon Salt, a “zero calorie, vegetarian, kosher-certified seasoning that makes everything taste like real bacon.” Check out their web site for their full range of bacon salts (original, hickory and peppered) and related merch, as well as some pretty bomb sounding recipe indes, including BACON MAYONAISE!!!!!111

Bacon Mayonnaise

(Goes great with steamed artichokes or in a crab salad)

• 1 cup soy oil
• 2 egg yolks
• 2 Tablespoons lemon juice
• 2 Tablespoons sherry vinegar
• ½ teaspoon cayenne pepper
• Season with pepper and Bacon Salt

Whisk the lemon juice, vinegar and egg yolks together very well. Slowly add the oil while whisking rapidly. You are looking for the acid and the oil to emulsify and thicken, so go slow. Once thickened, season well with Bacon Salt.

It’s beautiful outside today. So in accordance with the good weather, I took a break from the action down at the City Plaza. For a few brief moments this particular plaza—which I normally hate—seemed quite serene. The sun shining, children splashing in the fountains, and then suddenly a raspy voice: “Pink Floyd…what a phenomenal band.”

This was the voice of a roaming derelict. This crusty, leather clad, mustachioed, late 40s burnout sat down next to me and decided to recant his favorite Floyd lyrics (due to my Pulse T-shirt). “We don’t need no education…” He also sang a little Billy Preston to warm the mood. Then came the hook: “I’m just tryin’ to round up 50 cents for some coffee…” Silence. “You broke?”

“Yeah, man. I’m broke.”

“Well, if I had the big bucks I’d give you some.” A cheery sentiment, but this coming from the same man who told me last weekend that he had an invention that would make him rich, if only he weren’t worried about somebody stealing the patent.

After the vagabond skulked off into the afternoon heat, I was hit up by a second derelict, only this time a 19-ish skater punk. “Hey man, can I get some change for a handgun so I don’t have to ask the next person?”

A handgun, eh? “No, man. I don’t have any change.”

It’s not too much to ask for a little peace on a sunny afternoon in the park. What can be done? How ’bout taking a page from Mad Max: Beyond Thunderdome…

Shocking Video - Dog Beaten to Death with a Brick - More bloopers are a click away

WARNING: This video is of some dipshit beating a dog to death with a brick. If you don’t want to see how fucked up people really are, or are already busy trying to find David Motari to exact internet justice, don’t watch it.