Motherfucking Popsicles Bitch!

It’s not the quality of the food that I hate, or the kind of shitty manners or demeanor displayed by their average customer. What I hate about Jack In The Box and all similar fast food establishments is the amount of times I hear the word “sorry” whenever I go there.

“Sorry for the wait, can I take your order?” “Sorry, we are out of that flavor of milkshakes.” Sorry this, sorry that. “Sorry, I’m supposed to say sorry all the fucking time.” The thing is, they’re never really sorry. They could give two shits.

I’ve never had the misfortune of working some shitty fast food job, but I imagine the training courses must consist of 100 ways to say sorry and not mean it. Fucking insincere subservient bullshit.

Not Kosher. Not in the least.

Some sort of bacon/shrimp concoction? You’re a food jerk. (more…)

First and foremost, I need to state the fact that normally I prefer my Mexican food to be served out of a truck; for some reason things just taste better when you have some wheels underneath the restaurant.

Minus my issues with non-moving food and dining at chain eateries, I really need to take the time to praise one of Chico’s newest Mexican joints (pun!!!), Chronic Tacos. The small restaurant consistently makes affordable burritos, and with their crispy tacos at $2 a pop, you can get super full for under $5. I usually don’t dig poultry in most of my dishes (I’m a beef guy), but their chicken is absolutely amazing. I’ll have to admit, the first time I went there, I had a less than impressive fajita burrito, but I’m sold on the rest of the menuPlus they have beer, which is always a bonus.

Oh, and if you’re from Chronic Tacos, feel free to send over some free food.

Here we investigate the proper procedures for milking an airplane.

Step 1: Once released from their overhead compartment, grip udders firmly with left hand.

Step 2: Squeeze teat between thumb and index finger and yank with supple, yet forceful downward motion. This should disengage the udder’s pin.

Step 3: Should the cabin lose air pressure, place udder over face, covering mouth and nostrils.

Step 4: Applying pressure with thumb and index finger, close duct progressively to the tip to express the trapped milk. For maximum milk yield, suckle gently.

Aeronautic vaccimulgence can be fun for the whole family.

Why not?

Here at teh Synthesis, we probably consume more Mexican food per capita than all of Tijuana. We have a pretty unhealthy addiction to taco trucks, and our glowing relationship with La Cocina Economica has managed to pack on about 60 collective pounds over the last 6 months or so.

In Mexico, refried beans, Mexican rice, or meat are usually the only fillings and the tortilla is smaller in size. In the United States, however, fillings generally include a combination of ingredients such as Mexican rice, beans, lettuce, salsa, meat, guacamole, cheese, and sour cream, and the size varies, with some burritos considerably larger than their Mexican counterparts.

The word burrito literally means “little donkey” in Spanish, coming from burro, which means “donkey”. The name burrito possibly derives from the appearance of a rolled up wheat tortilla, which vaguely resembles the ear of its namesake animal, or from bedrolls and packs that donkeys carried. It is similar to the taco.

Cuisine preceding the development of the modern taco, burrito, and enchilada was created by the Pre-Columbian Mesoamerican Aztec peoples of Mexico, who used tortillas to wrap foods, with fillings of chile sauce, tomatoes, mushrooms, squash, and avocados. Spanish missionaries like Bernardino de Sahagún wrote about Aztec cuisine, describing the variety of tortillas and their preparation, noting that the Aztecs not only used corn in their tortillas, but also squash and amaranth, and that some varieties used turkey, eggs, or honey as a flavoring.

Q: But Dallas, what about burritos in the last 10 years?
A: Shut up, woman, I’m about to tell you.

2001
7,700 feet (2,300 m)-long burrito made in Mexico and listed in the Guinness Book of World Records[14]
2002
University of Texas Press publishes Daniel D. Arreola’s Tejano South Texas, a cultural geography of Tejano South Texas. The book delineates the South Texas Mexican food region using a “taco-burrito” and “taco-barbecue” line of demarcation. To the west of this line, Mexican food served in a flour tortilla is often called a burrito, due to the influence of the Mexican state of Chihuahua. To the south and east of this line, the same food may be simply called a taco, showing a “Texas Mexican” influence. To the north, the food gives way to barbecue sandwiches reflecting the influx of European, Southern Anglo, and African Americans.[15]
2003
Charles Hodgkins begins gathering data from 170 taquerias in San Francisco for Burritoeater.com[16][17]
2005
Burritophile.com launches
Freebirds World Burrito (TX) starts online orders
May: A Clovis, New Mexico Middle school student creates a 30-inch burrito filled with steak, guacamole, lettuce, salsa and jalapeños for an extra-credit assignment project. The large, foil-wrapped burrito is mistaken as a weapon, and armed police officers are sent in, closing down streets and locking down the school.[18]
Jul: Rubio’s (CA) Lobster Burrito lawsuit. Rubio’s is accused of selling a “lobster burrito” that contains langostino meat from the squat lobster, an edible crustacean but not a lobster, raising questions about labeling lobster meat.[19]
2006
Jan: The Burrito Project begins in Los Angeles, California, feeding burritos to the homeless.[20] In November, the project takes off on MySpace and spreads around the world, and in early 2007, the group is awarded a $10,000 MySpace Impact Award for serving “as an instrument of community action on behalf of the needy.”[21]
Mar:Chipotle Mexican Grill starts “Don’t Stand in Line ” online burrito ordering system[22]
Jun: Ryan Daniel Goff gets prison term for Taco Bell burrito extortion”[23][24]
Jul 29: Moe’s Southwest Grill (FL) starts annual competitive burrito eating contest[25]
Rosemary Gonzales arrested for smuggling drugs inside Taco Bell burrito
Oct. 30: After hearing expert testimony, Massachusetts judge rules that a burrito is not a sandwich[26][27]
2007
Jan: In honor of Elvis Presley, Taco Villa offers peanut butter and banana burritos.[28]
Jul: Charles Hodgkins completes his 495th burrito review[17]
Sept. 22: Competitive eater Tim “Eater X” Janus eats 10.75 burritos in 12 minutes, beating out Sonya “The Black Widow” Thomas and winning US$3,000 at the Costa Vida World Burrito Eating Championship in South Portland, Maine. Costa Vida’s “Big Kahuna” burritos weighed 18 ounces, consisting of rice, beans, cheese and sweet pork in a flour tortilla. Eric “Badlands” Booker previously held the world record (15 burritos in eight minutes) but did not return to defend his title.

As a result of reading the article, I learned about something I probably should have been tuned into years ago: Burritophile.com. The burrito review site is packed with a ton of great burrito info and reviews.

On a side note, almost everyone on the site seems to be from California… does the rest of the U.S. just not eat quasi-Mexican food?! You all suck.