[The following was written by Synthesis Weekly columnist Emilie Clark. She can be reached at emilie@synthesis.net.]

Coming Soon

It’s a well-known fact that people like to adapt movies from books. It’s also a well-known fact that most of these efforts suck. So it’s my job to warn you about upcoming adaptations so you have ample time to read the book. This gives you the chance to complain about inconsistencies and general “suckiness” while still in the theater, making you look learned and therefore more attractive. You can thank me later.

Gonzo: The Life and Work of Dr. Hunter S. Thompson, July 4th: This is a documentary, so I guess it won’t really do to get mad about liberties taken with the adaptation. But it can’t hurt to read some of the famous Gonzo’s work if only for your own amusement. From the description it seems like the filmmakers are big fans, which can be bad in a documentary if you’re trying to eek out truth. The gist I get is that the point the film makes is that Thompson did what journalists are too afraid to do nowadays, namely get high and write caustic things about politicians. This may be true, but I easily tire of ‘60s and ‘70s nostalgia. Sure people were a bit crazier back then and I’m sure there are things to be learned from that era, but it’s over, so deal.

Journey To the Center of the Earth 3D, July 11th: Based on the classic Jules Verne novel about a rogue scientist who travels to, you guessed it, the center of the earth. According to Wikipedia, this novel didn’t age as well as some of Verne’s other works, because he was mostly wrong about what is contained in the center of the earth. However, none of that really matters because this movie is in 3D. And I will watch anything in 3D, even if it stars Brendan Fraser.

more upcoming adaptations after the jump.
(more…)

After suffering a “mild” heart attack, American actor Kelsey Grammer is recovering in an undisclosed hospital in Hawaii. Grammer, most beloved for his recurring role as Sideshow Bob in The Simpsons television show (and, you know, that whole Cheers and Frasier thing that never really took off…), aged 53, owns property on the island of Kona with his wife Camille. According to AP, Grammer’s spokesman says the television and film star suffered a mild heart attack while paddle boarding on Saturday and will be released early this week, adding “there’s no reason to be blue.”

sorry. I have no idea what’s wrong with me.

In a move that strangely mirrors his character in Lost In Translation, Bill Murray’s wife has filed for divorce, claiming that his "travels overseas where he engages in public and private altercations and sexual liaisons," physical abuse, and addiction to booze and weed has destroyed their marriage. 

From MSN:

Jennifer Butler Murray filed divorce papers May 12 in Charleston County. She owns a home on Sullivans Island, S.C., where she lives with the couple’s four children.

…

The couple signed a prenuptial agreement, which was filed as an exhibit with the divorce papers, before they married in 1997. As part of the agreement, both waived their right to alimony or support if the marriage broke up. However, Murray agreed to pay $7 million to his ex-wife within 60 days of a final divorce decree.

Seven million dollars? CHA-CHING! Now, like most people I think Bill Murray is a god, and while his marijuana and alcohol use gives him a few extra cool points, hitting his wife is CRED LOSS.

Unless she deserved it. For more information on Domestic Violence, please consult this site.

Sex In The City, The Crest Theater, Sacramento

Wednesday, May 28: The Ultimate Girls Night. My two best friends and I scrambled to get ready in Hotel Clarion, just down the street from the Crest Theater in Sacramento. "Which dress should I wear? The Samantha dress or the Charlotte dress?" I asked.
"I like the Samantha sparkly one, but if you wear the Charlotte one then we’re all in the same color scheme, and the pearls will go better with that one."
"Charlotte it is."
We hurried out and down to the theater just in time to grab a glass of wine and a couple bites of sushi for the Sacramento premier of Sex In The City. As we found our seats and rifled through the goodie bags (which included lotion by Chloe and Jane, Vitamin Water chapstick, a luggage tag, nail files, Arden Fair Mall coupons, and a make-up bag), we caught the tail-end of the look-alike contest. I applauded for the girl wearing the long navy coat and sparkly panties Carrie wore in the episode where she was picked to be a model at Fashion Week (my favorite episode). That took guts! Looking around the gilded room, I saw a sea of giggling girls in pink tank tops and fluffy skirts: the ensemble that started it all. Then, the lights dimmed, the familiar "dun dun dunna" began to play. Squeals of excitement and eager clapping spread through the audience as the skyline of New York came into view. This was the moment the three of us girls had been waiting for. Too long had we been missing the characters that had become our friends. For the next 145 minutes, we were reunited and captivated.
Throughout the movie I was laughing, grabbing for my girlfriends’ hands, and crying more than any other movie has made me cry before, out of joy, out of sadness, and out of sympathy for the conflicts the foursome face. Thankfully, no one died; I would have lost it for sure. But by the time the movie was over, I was emotionally exhausted.
"I’m satisfied with the ending, but I’m so sad it’s over!" I lamented to the girls.
"It’s never over! Samantha, Carrie, Miranda, and Charlotte are reflections of girls like us. Now let’s go to the afterparty and grab some cosmopolitans!"
Don’t have to tell me twice.
Off we went, hand in hand, walking strutting down the red carpet we came in on. Approaching the long line of ladies waiting to get into Ella, our Red Bull friend took us around the corner to the VIP entrance. No line and no waiting caused us to smile coyly as we walked in. Surprisingly there were a number of handsome gentlemen in the bar. Smart guys, I thought. This was the chick event of the year. A table of smooth-looking black men kept glancing at us. However, one walked by, bumping Heather’s cosmo, which sloshed out and narrowly missed her uber-expensive, never-worn-before satin shoes. In true Heather-form, she accepted his offer for a new cocktail with a smirk. He said, "Of course. I’ll just be over there," and walked away. How ungentlemanly.
Perhaps it was time for a change of venue. So we took a cab to the next club, Dream. Once again, we met up with our Red Bull guy who again got us in with ease, sat us down at his table, and ordered a bottle of champagne. To our surprise, the same group of men from Ella (and one ungentleman) came in, sat in the booth behind us, and ordered a bottle of Grey Goose and cran. Heather immediately got that trickster sparkle in her eye as she stood up and flirtatiously said, "I’ll take that drink you offered now." The cheapskate hardly put any vodka in it. We learned later that the posse was none other than Kevin Johnson’s, a candidate for Sacramento mayor and former Cleveland Cavalier’s point guard. We danced in the corner with them (well, they kind of just stood there watching) for awhile before telling them that his friend in the hat is a little rude and then left for the hotel to discuss our epically girlish adventures we had. The night was unforgettable and bonding to say the least. Sex In The City made me fall in love with my friends all over again. To quote Carrie, "After all, things change, so do cities, people come into your life and they go. But it’s comforting to know that the ones you love are always in your heart…" and if you’re lucky, they’re in the movie seat right next to you.

Indiana Jones And The Kingdom Of The Crystal Skull raked in over $150 million over the 5 day holiday period. While this is not a record breaker it’s still pretty damn good for part 4 of a movie that came out 19 years after part 3 and it’s definitely not bad for a guy that’s probably way older than your grandfather.

This is way more entertaining than wasting $9 to see Shia LaBeouf on the big screen. I never realized the abilities of Legos.