Ten minutes ago I was en route to the bank. I walked up to the doors with the intention of depositing a check, but found them locked. What? Oh yeah, it’s Columbus Day. Using the ATM instead, two more people in a matter of five minutes did the exact same thing, both of whom failed to make the connection.

“Columbus Day,” I spouted. “Oh. Ha…” the response.

There are currently 10 Federal holidays per year in the United States of America. For those who don’t feel like checking the above link, I’ll spell them out in order: New Year’s, MLK, Washington’s Bday, Memorial, Independence, Labor, Columbus, Veterans, Thanksgiving and Christmas. Of the 10, our salute to the Italian born explorer is undoubtedly the most absurd and least appreciated, and for good reason.

Essentially, we reserve a pseudo national day of recognition for a man that “discovered” our continent by accident. His 1492 landing paved the way for Europe to colonize the New World. Columbus’ find, accidental as it may have been, is indeed significant and deserving of an important mark. But historical reality also knows full well that the process of imperialism and colonization which then unfolded throughout the Americas was extensively brutal and tragic, and in the case of our own country, represents the root of a slow moving genocide that virtually wiped out the indigenous peoples inhabiting what we call the United States.

In short, Christopher Columbus is indeed a significant figure in the scope of Western civilization as we know it, and, at a time when people were less educated, more than deserving of his sainthood and lofty appreciation. But this is the 21st century, and we now know that the heroic cape thrown upon Columbus and his legacy is tattered and full of holes.

So forget Columbus Day. He was who he was: ambitious, fortunate and [insert disparaging adjective here], leaving us directly linked. But Christopher Columbus was no hero, and sure as hell no saint.

Porn producer, Larry Flynt, is making a porno all about the one and only Sarah Palin. The search on Craigslist, yes seriously, has ended. Flynt found his leading lady and the movie is now in pre-production.

“Nailin’ Paylin” has been put on rapid production so it arrives within the next month before the election. There are plans for a threeway with Hilary and Condoleezza look-alikes.

The faux Sarah is Lisa Ann (SEE BELOW), who “will be nailing the Russians who come knocking on her back-door.” In another scene (a flashback) “young Paylin’s creationist college professor will explain a ‘big bang’ theory even she can’t deny!”

This isn’t that new but it’s the first time that I’ve came across it. Current TV has produced a 25 minute mini documentary called ‘Open Windows’ about Death Cab during the recording of their latest album, Narrow Stairs. The documentary features a good amount of talk about the recording of the record, as well as interviews with all the band members. Check it out in full below.

Just because it’s Friday:

This is cool. I like things like this. Send me more links to things like this.

Don LaFontaine, the “King of Movie Trailers”, has died today due to a collapsed lung.  Most of you are going “who the fuck is Don LaFontaine?!”, but if I had a super deep voice and read the lines to any Terminator/ Die Hard/ Big Name Action Movie, you would go “Ohh!!! The dude who started out every trailer with ‘In a world…’”.  From Associated Content.com:

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Don LaFontaine died on Monday from complications related to a collapsed lung. Many had heard the voice of Don LaFontaine but none had actually seen him until recently when he was in a Geico insurance commercial. LaFontaine had been nicknamed “King of the Movie Trailers” after he had been heard in thousands of radio and television commercials. LaFontaine has been survived by his wife, actress and singer Nita Whitaker, and three children, as reported by AHN.

LaFontiane died at the age of 68 and is best known by the famous catch phrase that he was often heard saying, “In a world…” and in the Geico commercial he was known as the announcer guy. LaFontaine was reported to have died at the Cedars-Sinai Medical Center in Los Angeles and there has been no official report as to the cause of death as of now, as reported by 610 WTV.

Los Angeles indie-pop has something new in the works. Army Navy is set to release their debut album in October on the band’s own label, The Fever Zone. Army Navy frontman Justin Kennedy co-fronted the band Pinwheel with Death Cab For Cutie’s Ben Gibbard.

Army Navy will also be featured on the upcoming comedy film “Nick and Norah’s Infinite Playlist,” starring Michael Cera. Check their MySpace and give a listen to “Saints” because I’m sure you’ll be hearing from them in the future!