Designer Gas Masks: brought to you by artist Diddo Velema. They are conceptual art pieces, made to look like they are designed by Gucci and Louis Vuitton… Sorry, gas mask fanatics, they’re for gallery purposes only.

How much more elitist can one get? I guess if you’re facing the apocalypse, might as well do it in style: “Thanks, Gucci! You saved my life!”

I need one of these…

Gamucci.com

In the first chapter of Daniel Taylor Guide to Style we figured out how to match. In chapter 2, we figure out how to buy:

1. Check out spots like Hypebeast and sneaker forums to find out what all the cool kids don’t like.

2. Go to a store to search for said items, sticking solely to the clearance and sale racks.

3. Purchase.

4. ???

5. Profit

Thanks to the homies at Trucker for the Nike 6.0 Tetris Rogans. While the haters sit in their rooms debating the difference between Dunks and Terminators I’ll be on the street wrecking P.

The reason is you can do pretty much whatever the hell you want. Like if you’re Robin Williams and you decide “fuck it, wifey’s getting old, and that artist I was introduced to at that party was making eyes. It’s ON.” Pretty sure that’s exactly how it happened. The celebrity-gossip blogosphere is BUZZING with the news that Funnyman Robin Williams has been boinking 27-year-old artist Charlotte Filbert. This was originally reported by the bastions of supermarket aisle integrity, The National Enquirer. No, I’m pretty sure they didn’t use the term “boinking.” That’s all mine. Trying to bring that one back. The pair were introduced by mutual friend Ally Hillfinger (erstwhile television personality and daughter of Tommy).

In the Feudal Age Kings could be - and indeed were SUPPOSED to be - dirty old men. In fact, for us mere mortal men, that’s like the one thing we have to look forward to once the pubes go gray: being a dirty old man. Infidelity aside, I can sympathize with poor Williams, 56 years old, famous and deciding he wants to fuck something that less resembles a baseball mitt (no offense to soon-to-be former Mrs. Williams, I’m speaking in general here).

Wait, never mind. Yeeeeeichh. Maybe 25 years ago… The couple had been separated for upwards of two years (as some reports claim), and divorce papers were filed on 3/21/08. Now the Williams will be working out the blood money…and this claim surfaces two weeks after the papers were filed? COINCIDENCE?

I guess that’s one thing that separates Feudal Royalty from Today’s Stars: You still gotta pay out the nose for your misdeeds. That and you don’t need to worry about getting scurvy.

He’s back… Sacha Baron Cohen now takes on the character of gay Austrian “Bruno” in a new upcoming movie rumored to be titled Brüno: Delicious Journeys Through America for the Purpose of Making Heterosexual Males Visibly Uncomfortable in the Presence of a Gay Foreigner in a Mesh T-Shirt. Here, he’s at the Wichita airport in Kansas, making Midwesterners nervous:

It was enough to make the officials at the airport rewrite their policy on commercial filming inside the terminal. The film crew had gotten permission to tape a scene based on a “European man visiting America”. Things got scary when the actors start dancing in tight short shorts, kissing, and fighting in the airport. Security couldn’t find anything illegal about it but they told them to kick rocks anyway.

You could do some damage with these. Please please please don’t wear them anywhere else besides the beach, the pool, or inside your home. You may have an ass that looks this good, but my boyfriend doesn’t need to see it. Product reviews say to buy a size up. No doubt.