One of the neat things about editing the Syntheis Weekly is that I get a first-had crack at the action before the paper even hits the streets. Last Friday I was proofing Mad Bob Howard’s column, and he referenced a fellow “outsider artist” (aside: something about the term “outsider art” or “outsider artist” makes me cringe, and therefore, encase it in quotes like some sort of literary specimin) by the name of Jonathan Troxler.

Easter is one of those bizarre holidays – quasi-religious, quasi-pagan, entirely alcoholic these days. It has really become a post-modern event. Thanks to Johnathan Troxler’s terrific and terrifying paintings I will never get the image of the crucified Easter Bunny out of my head. That and the three stooges strumming the guitar in a manger for baby Jesus and Santa Claus. This is Troxler’s older work – to me it doesn’t point to any particular warp or hiccup in his character – instead it asks of us a simple and direct question: What kind of sick freaks are we?

Three Stooges as the Three Wise Men, with Baby Jesus and Santa in the Manger? Sounds like my kind of religous art! Unfortunately I couldn’t find that particular image on any of Troxler’s sites, but I did manage to uncover a few other precious religous art specimens. Enjoy.

Right now I’m checking out new kicks, and given my well documented infatuation with Saucony, plus the fact that they’re feeding the dragon, I’ve been looking into their more recent designs. While I still favor the 1981 designed Jazz model, I’m kinda digging the sleek Bullet track shoe series.

Sweet kicks, huh? For shits and giggles: http://www.saucony.com/originals

Even though I’m a no good, selfish waste of space, I am lucky enough to count among my associates more than a few men of unabashed kindness and dedication to the cause of helping their fellow man. One of the foremost among these is the homie Jimmy Richards, drummer of the insanely badass Brighten and more recently, artist responsible for some of the band shirts in your closet. Last summer he journeyed to a war torn region of Africa to spread the WORD and this summer he’s looking to do the same, alongside another friend, colleague and hero of a man, Chad Whitehead aka Chad SLC, whose bunk beds are legendary amongst the touring circuit. However, in order to make it back, they need to raise $3000. This is where you come in. Jimmy has designed a shirt, shown above, and made it for sale on his website, Junion Kickstart, the proceeds of which will finance the trip to Uganda. Go buy it. Buy 2. Buy me one and send it to me in the mail. Size Large. And while you’re at it buy a couple Brighten records too, just for good measure.

Now, I may or may not actually be able to sing a chorus from any Pussycat Dolls song, but there’s one thing I do know: you want to see pictures of Nicole Scherzinger.  AMIRITE

More pictures of Nicole accompanied by the sounds of furious fap after the jump. I’ll give you two some privacy.

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bleh

What the hell was Pepsi thinking? The new logos look like Obama’s American Sunshine and Happiness logo and the old Pepsi logo got together and made a god forsaken logo baby. I am also wondering why the stripe of white has different widths on each different kind of Pepsi. Is that some kind of measurement of radiation, who knows? Apparently Pepsi does not credit their consumers with an abundance of intelligence, the only complete words on any of the bottles are Pepsi and dew. “Cal” and “Carb” are acceptable abbreviations, but “Sug” is only two letters away from the real deal and there is plenty of space on that hideous label. Years from now soda will be identified by color only, we will no longer have the need to actually read anything. Yes, you heard it here, the Pepsi corporation is attempting to slowly dumb-down the entire U.S. population in order to make us mindless, brown(or green)-soda drinking, consumer zombies. Once this zombification is complete all other beverages will be banned. A Jack and Coke will become a Pepsi and nothing. You have been warned.

A new study seems to show as people’s anxiety about their own mortality rises, those predisposed to materialism (so, basically everybody in America) feel a stronger sense brand loyalty. I know when I’m standing on the precipice of infinite darkness, I feel the strong urge to pick up some new Diesels:

While conventional wisdom holds that materialistic individuals are weakly connected to brands and use them as superficial status badges, the new research proves that brands hold more meaning for materialistic consumers than previously thought. When those individuals are also worried about death, their brand attachment grows.

“We propose that materialistic individuals form strong connections to their brands when death anxiety is high but not when death anxiety is low,” write the authors. “Materialistic individuals are strongly connected to their brands and employ them as an important source of meaning in their lives.”

The authors tested their hypothesis by conducting two different but related studies. The first study asked adults in the United States to rate their degrees of materialism, death anxiety, and brand connection. In the second study, conducted among college students, the researchers manipulated death anxiety by having participants consider their own deaths in detail. In both studies, participants rated their degree of connection to a variety of products including cars, microwaves, jeans, cell phones, MP3 players, and sunglasses.

“Materialistic consumers with anxiety about their existence are especially in need of the symbolic security that brand connections provide,” write the authors. “Given the recent rise in materialistic tendencies along with the media’s heightened focus on existential threats, the number of consumers who display this combination of values and motives should increase in the near future.”