I’m so sick of the disgustingly rich. It’s hard not to be bitter in this sucky economy… Jay-Z just signed a 10-year contract with Live Nation worth $150 mil: a chunk of stock, $5 million per year for “overhead,” $25 million for acquisitions and investments, $10 million an album (for a three-album deal), and $20 million for publishing, licensing, and other rights.

Madonna also signed a 10-year contract with Live Nation worth $120 mil: rumored terms include a signing bonus of about $18 million and a roughly $17 million advance for each of three albums. She also owes Warner Brothers another album plus a greatest hits CD. She’s also negotiating a 2-concert deal in Dubai that will pay $24 mil. If the concert is 90 minutes, that’s $133,333 A MINUTE. All I got to say is, FTS, how about slippin’ me a $50 just for posting this and giving you free press on our super cool blog site? That’ll cover my drinks for the weekend as I attempt to guzzle away my broke ass blues. Send it here:

Synthesis.net: Ms. Nickels

210 West 6th Street, Chico, CA 95928

K, thx! [du]Bai!

Here in rural Chico, we don’t have clever advertisements. We laugh at cute little innuendos on our billboards like “Want a quickie countertop replacement?” or “Get back in the kitchen… [bitch]”. Chico business owners typically don’t know what makes for effective advertising and more times than not, we’re told to apply the “logo-enlargement cream” to their ads. Like that’ll help. As my old friend P. Brown used to say, “Be the wiser advertiser!” so here’s some advertising that actually gets your attention:

White Men Can’t Jump, but a recent report shows Black Kids Can’t Swim:

Nearly 60 percent of African-American children can’t swim, almost twice the figure for white children, according to a first-of-its-kind survey. Stark statistics underlie the initiative by the national governing body for swimming. Black children drown at a rate almost three times the overall rate. And less than 2 percent of USA Swimming’s nearly 252,000 members who swim competitively year-round are black.

Of course, like many of the societal ills facing the African American community, not being able to swim has its roots in America’s racist past:

The minority swimming gap has deep roots in America’s racial history. For decades during the 20th century, many pools were segregated, and relatively few were built to serve black communities.

John Cruzat, USA Swimming’s diversity specialist, said these inequalities were compounded by a widespread misperception—fueled by flawed academic studies—that blacks’ swimming ability was compromised by an innate deficit of buoyancy.

“There are people who still give credence to these stereotypes, even in the black and Hispanic community,” said Cruzat, who wants to break the cycle that passes negative attitudes about swimming from one black generation to another.

Ok, ok, I take back the mean things I said about Madonna being too rich for anyone to like her anymore. And her selling out to BET’s 106 & Park and recreating herself as a hip hop princess… Anyone who chugs champagne from the bottle on stage is my hero:

I will say this though: wtf @ sparkle Adidas pants? You can’t just throw sparkles on sweat pants and think they’re alright to wear at your own concert. That’s on some Missy Elliot status. Oh wait… now I get it. She’s trying to be Missy. Damn. I hate her again. DRINK MORE CHAMPAGNE!

Today, 5/1, is May Day. I, like most people I know, don’t know jack shit about May Day, except that “Mayday!” is the thing you’re supposed to shout into your intercom when your WWII fighter jet gets shot down. So I’ve decided to do a little investigating for educational purposes while I sift through SonicBids bands all hoping for a spot on our Band of the Day post.

As it turns out, May Day is about the most burly awesome pagan holiday ever. For the Irish Gaelics and Ancient Celts, May Day is also known as Beltane, a Fertility Rites of Spring Festival/Orgy.

I actually tried to spark a Beltane ritual a few years back at the Oregon Country Fair….despite it being July and two months past its time. I ended up with 3rd degree burns on my feet after taking mushrooms and fire walking. True story. Wrote a song about it. Look into that shit, you might get a few hippie chicks to do some fun pagan stuff with you.

Anyway, so I know what I’m planning on doing tonight, after my eight hour work day, thanks to International Workers Day, which also corresponds with 5/1.

From Wikipedia:

The earliest May Day celebrations appeared in pre-Christian Europe, as in the Celtic celebration of Beltane, and the Walpurgis Night of the Germanic countries. Many pre-Christian indigenous celebrations were eventually banned or Christianized during the process of Christianization in Europe. As a result, a more secular version of the holiday continued to be observed in the schools and churches of Europe well into the 20th century. In this form, May Day may be best known for its tradition of dancing the Maypole and crowning of the Queen of the May. Today various Neopagan groups celebrate reconstructed (to varying degrees) versions of these customs on 1 May.

The day was a traditional summer holiday in many pre-Christian European pagan cultures. While February 1 was the first day of Spring, May 1 was the first day of summer; hence, the summer solstice on June 25 (now June 21) was Midsummer. In the Roman Catholic tradition, May is observed as Mary’s month, and in these circles May Day is usually a celebration of the Blessed Virgin Mary. In this connection, in works of art, school skits, and so forth, Mary’s head will often be adorned with flowers. Fading in popularity since the late 20th century is the giving of “May baskets,” small baskets of sweets and/or flowers, usually left anonymously on neighbors’ doorsteps.[2]

Ah the irony! On the same day that their new earning report showed a 21% drop in quarterly earnings, widely attributed to a drop-off in customers, the Downtown Chico Starbucks, which I’ve been fiercely loyal to for the last five years, if not longer, lost me as a twice-daily customer on account of some stupid ass shit. For your edification, I’ll reproduce here the letter I wrote to Starbucks customer service department:

I’ve been going to the Starbucks in Downtown Chico every day, some times, two or three times a day, for the last five years, if not longer. It truly had become, to borrow the Starbucks parlance, my “third place”. For about the last year I’ve been ordering the exact same drink, every single time: three shots on ice in a venti cup. The baristas usually joke about it being a “ghetto latte” since it is cheaper than getting an iced latte but essentially the same thing once you put some cream in it. However, with all the signage in place saying things like “your drink should be perfect” etc, I really didn’t think it was a big deal. Today however, the manager of the store (who has served me the drink in question dozens of times) informed me that I was “stealing” from Starbucks by putting milk in my drink and made it clear that me and my business were no longer wanted, or needed, all in front of the numerous people waiting in line behind me This is unfortunate in many ways, not the least of which is the fact that, in my job as a writer for local, regional and national print and online publications, I have always made it a habit to talk about how much I love Starbucks, despite the hipness currently associated with corporate bashing. I have defended Starbucks in the face of criticism more times than I can count, but now I wish that I had chosen otherwise. If you want to bill me for all the milk I’ve “stolen” over the last 5 years of patronage my address is above.

Fuck it. Peets is better anyway.