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As anyone who lives or has ever lived in Chico knows, one of the stupidest things about Chico State besides most of the students who go there is it’s award-winning paper The Orion, particularly when it comes to covering music. Every year, a new crop of fresh-faced young music writers starts churning out their best efforts at homework/journalism, I make it a point to make sure they know exactly how much they suck and how little what they’re doing matters. I don’t really do because I necessarily mean it, since most of them are probably going to make a lot more money than me someday writing the police blotter for the Des Moines Plain Dealer or whatever, but just because I know that they are mostly pathetic fuckers who will get super butt hurt about the whole thing.

Anyways, in response to a particularly bad review in last week’s paper of the recent Abominable Iron Sloth show (read that shit, and please tell me I’m not just a picky motherfucker), I decided to voice my opinions on how piss poor the Orion is in and always has been at covering music in my column in another, non taxpayer funded local weekly. And of course, I soon received a very tasteful letter from the writer of said review. I thought you might like to read it, since people tend to like that sort of thing:

Daniel,

This is Nick Franklin, I’m the Orion writer who wrote that review on your buddy’s doom/grindcore bands. I saw your fun little comment on my article last week, then went online and read your Warped Tour review and chortled to myself for a moment before getting back to what I was doing. But then I saw your little jab in your “column” today, and couldn’t help but write you. I instantly knew that you were at least 25, if not 30, and that you’d be the type of 25 year old to have a myspace, so you were quite easy to find. I’d just like to illuminate the fact that you are 2 years post grad, but you are still in your college town writing a maddox rip-off of a column for a magazine that is most useful for its drink calendar. Not only that, but you spend your free time and abuse your power as a journalist by giving shit to student journalists who don’t like your friend’s bands. How about getting a life and moving out of town, or start up your own publication and make a difference… That being said, suck a wooley mammoth’s dick with miracle whip. Fucking jerk.

Cheers,
Nick Franklin

Anyways, I encourage you to read the review for yourself and feel free to contact either Nick (nfranklin@orion-online.net), or myself, with your own candid views on the subject.

So I finished my life goal of smoking weed with Devin The Dude. I can die now.

If you want to be anyone these days, you NEED to live by these words.

Just saying.