Not that it’s a surprise, but R. Kelly was acquitted of all child porn charges today. It took them 6 years to go to trial, and the alleged female victim, who was as young as 13 at the time of the supposed crime, is now 23. As everyone in the world has read, the large mole that Mr. Kelly (who’s music is a fucking joke) has on his back was not visible on the man that appeared on the tape that was shown to the jury, and was the prosecutions only piece of real evidence.

What really scares me is that if it wasn’t R. Kelly peeing on that little girl in the video, then who was it? Some child pee-er on-er has been roaming free for years now, being allowed to urinate on any little girl he wants with no legal recourse!! He probably wised up and stopped video taping that shit once he realized that R. Kelly was about to take the rap for his pissings, but I have a hard time believing he stopped cruising 8th grade dances looking for chicks to use as human urinals.

Wanted: One child pisser that looks exactly like a shitty R & B singer minus a mole on his back.

Former Escape the Fate frontman Ronnie Radke is wanted by police for ESCAPING THE FATE. Apparently, he was involved in a fight a couple years back, that led to the shooting death of 18-year-old Michael Cook. Though charges against the shooter, Chase Rader, were dropped on the ground of self-defense, Radke was convicted of battery in the case, but has since skipped parole:

“Still waiting for justice … Now to have Ronnie on the loose is another slap,” said Cook’s mother, Setta Freeman.

Cook’s mother said her hope is that Radke turns himself in.Radke has some unique physical traits, including a tattoo on his neck. It’s a bird with the word “Dad,” along with a spider web and skull.He also has a scar on his left wrist.Anyone with information is asked to call 775-684-2644.

First Dave Motari, now this faceless asshole. Granted, sheep aren’t as cute as puppies and we do eat them, but blowing up living things just to laugh (maniacally) for a minute is … well … it’s fucking LAME! Is the military cranking out these monsters or are they just rotten apples that make you hate the whole breed? Either way, these boys are ba-a-a-aaaad. Sorry, had to.

Move over Hedgehog, US Federal Appeals Court Judge Alex Kozinski is my new porno hero. Because of his personal web site, which includes a few “adult” images purportedly uploaded by his son, Kozinski has suspended the obscenity trial he was overseeing.

From my pal the BBC:

Mr Kozinski granted a joint prosecution and defence motion to suspend the trial after prosecutors asked for time to explore a potential conflict of interest.
It came after Mr Kozinski admitted in an interview published on the Los Angeles Times website that he had posted the material and shared some of it with friends.
Earlier, jurors had spent hours watching videos of bestiality and extreme fetishes that were evidence in the trial of Ira Isaacs, a Los Angeles businessman.
Everyone in the family stores stuff there, and I had no idea what some of the stuff is or was
Judge Alex Kozinski
Mr Kozinski told the newspaper that he thought most of the material on his website was “funny” but acknowledged some of it was inappropriate.

Coolio, aka Artis Leon Ivey Jr., was arrested Tuesday on an outstanding misdemeanor warrant. Los Angeles police stopped the rapper for having expired registration and then found that he was driving with a suspended license and had an outstanding warrant.

His Hummer was pulled over at 1:45 a.m. in Hollywood. The 44-year-old rapper - damn, I still remember a youngass Coolio back in ‘95 singing “Gangsta’s Paradise” - was released after only five hours. He posted $10,000 bail.

Rodney King will appear in the next season of the VH1 reality show, “Celebrity Rehab With Dr. Drew.” The show highlights washed out celebrities dealing with drug and alcohol abuse. They are put in the care of famous addiction specialist Dr. Drew Pinsky.

King’s beating by the Los Angeles police in 1991 lead to deadly rioting and his famous plea for peace. King will appear on the show with Jeff Conaway, Tawny Kitaen, former Guns N’ Roses drummer Steven Adler and Rod Stewart’s son Sean. The new season will premiere in October cause doesn’t everyone want to watch wacked out stars with really bad withdrawl symptoms? Not so much.