R&B star Akon has long claimed to have previously lived a life of crime as the self-proclaimed “ringleader of a notorious car theft operation,” among other criminal enterprises. After reportedly being ratted out by his underlings, Akon supposedly spent three years in prison, fighting larger inmates everyday, and penning his hit single “Locked Up” about his time and experiences in the clink. However, The Smoking Gun has found that Akon is a big fat LIAR:

Akon’s ad nauseum claims about his criminal career and resulting prison time have been, to an overwhelming extent, exaggerated, embellished, or wholly fabricated, an investigation by The Smoking Gun has revealed. Police, court, and corrections records reveal that the entertainer has created a fictionalized backstory that serves as the narrative anchor for his recorded tales of isolation, violence, woe, and regret. Akon has overdubbed his biography with the kind of grit and menace that he apparently believes music consumers desire from their hip-hop stars.

While the performer’s rap sheet does include a half-dozen arrests, Akon has only been convicted of one felony, for gun possession. That 1998 New Jersey case ended with a guilty plea, for which the singer was sentenced to three years probation. Another 1998 bust, this one in suburban Atlanta, has been seized upon by Akon and transformed into the big case that purportedly sent him to prison (thanks to his snitching cohorts) for three fight-filled years. In reality, Akon was arrested for possession of a single stolen BMW and held in the DeKalb County jail for several months before prosecutors dropped all charges against him.

So there was no conviction. There was no prison term between 1999 and 2002. And he was never “facing 75 years,” as the singer claimed in one videotaped interview.

Akon’s invented tales appear to be part of a cynical marketing plan, but one that has met with remarkable success. Few press interviews conclude without Akon being asked about his criminal exploits and his prison days. He obliges with canned and well-rehearsed claims, false as they may be, and compares his supposed nationwide operation to those depicted in the movies “Gone in 60 Seconds” and “New Jersey Drive.” And in interview after interview over the years, he always makes sure to point out the “notorious” nature of his theft ring (as if the adjective’s inclusion makes him sound even more felonious). Akon repeats the phrase “notorious car theft operation” so frequently it seems like he is reading it from a sheet of talking points.

Hopefully the next thing The Smoking Gun will investigate is the fact that Akon, T-Pain, etc all use so much fucking Autotune they make Cher look like Pavarotti. Seriously, emo bands using that shit are bad enough, but hip-hop and R&B aren’t even trying to make it sound human.

“Are you kidding? Fencing, fighting, torture, revenge, giants, monsters, chases, escapes, true love, miracles…”
“Doesn’t sound too bad. I’ll try to stay awake.”

Admittedly, I too am a bit skeptical of the upcoming Princess Bride Game, which will launch as a downloadable animated game this summer. The following trailer isn’t necessarily assuaging my distrust. There are a million and one ways to fuck up a legacy, and until I see otherwise, looks like Worldwide Biggies is tampering with greatness. But please, judge for yourself.

The Princess Bride Downloadable Game Trailer from PrincessBrideGame on Vimeo.

Right now, AcidPlanet.com is hosting a contest where fans have the opportunity to remix the title track of the Princess Bride Game. Woopie.

From the Press Release:

NEW YORK, NY — April 16, 2008 — ACIDplanet.com one of the Internet’s premier sites for user-generated music, video content, computer-based recording and remixing tools, today launched a contest to develop a new version of the film’s title theme song timed with a new downloadable video game based on the classic 1987 film, The Princess Bride. Contestants can download the components from the Sony Creative Software ACIDplanet.com website and remix their own title track from The Princess Bride Game (available at www.princessbridegame.com) created by Worldwide Biggies and debuting in June 2008.

Contestants may download the components to The Princess Bride Game theme song starting today and must submit their remix entry by midnight May 22, 2008. ACIDplanet remix contestants may use Sony Creative Software ACID XPress loop-based music production software that users can download for free or they may also use their software of choice.

The winning entry will be selected by the producers of the game and will be featured on http://www.PrincessBrideGame.com as an exclusive world premiere this summer. Other prizes for The Princess Bride Game ACIDplanet.com remix contest include a Debutante Butterfly guitar from Daisy Rock, Sony Creative Software Vegas Pro 8, ACID Pro 6, Cinescore Theme Packs, Sony Creative Software Loop Libraries and a Sony Portable DVD player.

For more information and complete contest rules, please visit:
http://www.acidplanet.com

I’ll be happy to change my tune once I see the actual game, but right now all I’m thinking is Star Wars: Episode I - The Phantom Menace. Don’t mess with greatness. Don’t gild the lily.

“Fezzik, are there rocks ahead?”

“If there are, we all be dead.”

DEATH FIRST!

I was getting a burrito yesterday when two fat, obnoxious Jr. High age girls rode up on their beach cruisers, and while deliberating for 5 minutes on what to get (after going up to the counter and making the guy wait), talked about how they are pissed because their parents want them to pay half if they get a Porcha for their 16th birthday. It was all I could do to leave without punching both of them in their fat spoiled faces. Here’s a video that makes me almost sympathize with Al Qaeda.

Now that the US Supreme Court has ruled to uphold the use of lethal injections as a form of capital punishment, the state of California is chomping at the bit to off some of its more undesirable residents.

California hasn’t killed anyone since January 2006 when it sent 76-year-old triple murderer Clarence Allen down the River Styx. He was the oldest inmate on death row at the time and had his sentence delayed for health and age reasons. I guess they need to be good and healthy to die. There is, however, another hurdle to clear before the killings can continue.

U.S. District Judge Jeremy Fogel in San Jose had ordered a temporary halt to executions in California after finding the state’s lethal injection procedures were unconstitutional. A decision by Fogel on whether a new execution protocol by the state meets constitutional requirements is pending.

A hearing in the case has been set for June, but [Chief Assistant Attorney General Dane] Gillette said it may be moved up as a result of today’s high court ruling. The state plans to ask Fogel to lift his court order and permit executions to resume.

Even if Fogel rules quickly for the state, another legal challenge pending in a California appellate court will prevent the state from executing inmates immediately. Gillette said the state would press for a quick resolution in that case, which was unaffected by the Supreme Court decision.

Once the executions resume, they’ll be housed in fancy new digs.

State officials last year began building a larger, better illuminated death chamber designed for lethal injection executions. Gillette said construction has been completed.

The old facility, built in 1937 as the state’s gas chamber, was criticized as dimly lit and crowded, relegating executioners outside the death room and making it difficult for them to properly monitor possible problems with the intravenous drug injections.

The new chamber cost $399,000 to build, which meant it didn’t need legislative approval. Gillette said it’s “certainly feasible” for executions to resume by the end of the year, at a clip of one lethal injection per month.

Ironically named Alaskan rapper “Joker The Bailbondsman” has been sentenced to ten years in prison after he sold crack to a government informant. 3rd biggest mistake.

His 2nd biggest mistake was in 2004 when he was caught throwing 2 ounces of crack out of a car, while being chased by Anchorage police officers.

And his number one biggest mistake was thinking a name like Joker The Bailbondsman and rapping in Alaska was a thick enough disguise to get away with selling crack cocaine.

Check out the comments on the source.

Denver Nuggets All-Star Carmelo Anthony was arrested yesterday morning on charges of drunk driving after weaving in traffic and failing to pass a field sobriety test.

The two-time All-Star, 23, failed a series of field sobriety tests and was taken to a Denver Police Department lockup where he consented to a blood test and posed for the [above] mug shot. The Smoking Gun

Carmelo was later released to a “sober responsible party,” and has a court dater set for May 14th. News of this incident shouldn’t come as any surprise. Anthony’s past is littered with controversy. In 2004 he was cited for marijuana possession, although his friend, James Cunningham, signed an affidavit assuming responsibility for the incident and in 2006 he took part in the infamous Knicks-Nuggets Brawl at Madison Square Garden.

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