Anybody up for a climb?

So this mom walks into Urban Outfitters to get her teenage son some clothes. She starts rifling through the titles of books they have for sale. I’ve seen ‘em… lots of Sex in the City, some sexual positions book, there’s one called Porn For Women that my mom actually bought me: it’s a picture book of hot men doing housework. (HELL YES!) Anyways, this mom is PISSED OFF that U.O. would sell such smut. Why? Why is she so uptight? Why can’t she see that it’s marketing clearly targeted to college kids and that she should just ignore the book section and move on with life? Perhaps because her name is Marci Milfs. No joke.

You can’t make this shit up…

Milfs was so appalled that she is preparing to file a complaint with the city of Lynnwood, and has already aired her frustrations to State Rep. Norma Smith, R-Clinton, and organizations including Morality in Media, Concerned Women of America and the American Family Association.

She also called Urban Outfitters’ corporate office in Philadelphia.

“They said they are not sex books or pornography books, but that they are art books and their goals are to support artists,” Milfs said.

Urban Outfitters declined to comment on Milfs’ concerns.

I don’t know what’s better, the fact that today when you type in “Greatest Living American,” in google trends, it leads to Stephen Colbert, or the fact that the #1 search result is from GaySocialites.com.

He has been called “The Greatest Living American,” now Steve Colbert has won a webby! Colbert was recognized as the Person of the Year for his use of the Internet to connect with fans.

Oh Steven, so clean, manicured and well put together, you don’t have to hide your true sexual identity anymore. The Log Cabin Republicans will still have your back. Oh! How they’ll have your back…

Really though, the main thing I miss by not having cable television is Colbert’s show. Truly an inspired American in our late-night midst. Thank God I can still catch The Clobert Report on the other series of tubes.

NEWS UPDATE: Now, in an outside move to swipe Colbert’s “Greatest Living American” status, Brandon Wirtz is making the claim that he, in fact, is the “Greatest Living American.” More news as it develops.

Anyone else notice that our blog now features the most annoying banner ad ever? The one with the incessant beeping? Whoever created that one, and whoever then sold that one, THANKS!

Just Reload the page until you cycle through another ad and your life will be immediately better. Oh, andby the way, you’re not actually our 1,000,000th viewer, that shit’s a total lie.

I’m going to ride the coattails of Ryan’s post regarding Bill Bramanti’s ridiculously awesome PBR coffin with a little story of my own. Two years ago, I worked summers with my dad remodeling kitchens and bathrooms, building kitchen sets for an appliance showroom, doing general construction here and there (yes, girls can use power tools). One sticky hot afternoon, we made a dump run. I love going to the dump; it’s fun to throw things off the back of the truck and try to break as much as possible, plus you never know what other random shit you’ll find. This was a special day, for as we were backing the truck into the unloading spot, there on top of a heap of garbage, was a shiny, powder blue, cadillac of a coffin. I turned to my dad and asked in horror, “Y-y-you d-don’t think th-there’s someone IN THERE, DO YOU?” One of the guys working there heard me and laughed.

“Nah, that was a coffin that had been ordered for somebody, who ended up not liking the color. There’s a law against returning coffins so they’re just throwing it away,” he told me.

HOW WASTEFUL, right? Well, this company has the solution. Turn ‘em into couches! For a mere $3,500 you can have this Dodger blue beauty:

We at Coffincouches.com have the mindset of thinking “Green” and we know it is different but we strongly believe in recycling. Our niche happens to be 18 gauge steel coffins which we collected from local funeral homes primarily in Southern California. It is a health and safety law that funeral homes cannot resell used coffins to the general public. We approached funeral directors with the attitude of recycling. These coffins are not used for burial due to slight cosmetic inconsistencies. They are reconfigured and modified resulting in a finished product - a unique one a kind coffin couch. If you notice (although it may be too small) the six cast iron heavy duty legs are embossed with the universal biohazard insignia. The reason we utilized this sign was because safety was our utmost concern. If you are not aware, once a human body is placed in a coffin it is considered biohazard tissue. The legs have the embossed insignia for precautionary reasons in the event body fluids are exchanged on these coffins. Perhaps you would feel safe knowing that you are in designated biohazard scene! Ha!!