Let’s have a beach party!!!!

Oh, The Onion, your daring ventures into internet television have not gone unnoticed!

Army Holds Annual ‘Bring Your Daughter To War’ Day

If Madonna went to Chico State (our local college) she’d probably frequent the bars Riley’s and Franky’s and take her shirt off a lot. I can see it now, the frat bros hollering, “YEAH! Chico! WOOO!!!” the sorority girls crying, “OMG, WHAT A BETCH!” and me googling that Urban Dictionary word I saw the other day… damn, what was it?

Barsexual: A heterosexual girl or woman who partakes in any sort of sexual or promiscuous activity with another female to get attention from males. This usually takes the form of making out, and to a lesser extent, grinding or dry humping with another female.

This is a common sight at bars (hence the word barsexual) but can also be found at any party, especially frat parties. [and now, Madonna concerts!]

The reason for such acts has baffled researchers for years, but it is thought that they seek attention [Madonna], free drinks, or are prudes too scared to get with men.

For years, friends of mine on the touring circuit would speak in reverent, hushed tones about the man they called Nightbeast, a roadie and TM for bands like Hawthorne Heights by day, but a one-man musical genius by night. I finally met the man, the myth the legend, Nick Nightbeast when he came through town tour managing Metro Station. We had some beers and bonded over being fat, bearded men in a scrawny boy world and I was instantly convert into a follower of the Beast. And I’m not alone: Nightbeast’s new full length, Inside Jokes for Outside Folks, dropped in stores everywhere yesterday and there were I’m sure, literally tens of people waiting breathlessly to purchase it. For those who weren’t though, might I suggest taking a perusal of the Beast’s Purevolume page, where the record can currently be streamed in its entirety for FREE? You’ll be glad you did.

The new site for LOLz… Manbabies

GET MORE AT ManBabies.com!

Ben Stiller took part in a great short when he hosted SNL a few years back. Entitled “The H Is O,” it stars Stiller as a douche club fly at a hipster joint in NYC. He claims to his buddies to be able to pick anybody up in three lines or less. This of course results in an attempt at swooping Glenn Frey from the Eagles, played by Will Ferrell. Just watch…