In a world with Starbucks on every corner, I’ve become a little dependent on my venti nonfat no water chai teas. I don’t need a bunch of them or anything. Actually, I prolly spend around $15-20 a week on Starbucks, but the security of having one right down the street is comforting. So naturally, I got a little nervous when I read that CEO Harold Schultz decided to close Sbux for 3 hours today to “retrain” their barristas. The lockdown begins at 5:30 PM local time. Be sure you have your caffeine before then.

In a ceremony this afternoon, this year’s recipient of the prestigious LEAST MATCHED OUTFIT OF ALL TIME EVAR award was announced. The winner was none other than myself, Daniel Taylor. I’d like to take this opportunity to thank those who made this unexpected honor possible: American Needle for my HELLA SAACK throwback Expos cap, the rock band Health for their fabulous American Apparel…uh…apparel, Trucker for the baby blues, and the Urban Outfitters in Lawrence, KS for the clown shoes, $14 on double clearance!!111

Most days, our Synthesis Band of the Day comes via the fine folks at Sonicbids, or from browsing the internetz for bands from far-flung locales. But today we are honoring a band hailing from right here in our hometown, who are doing their best to spread their love for blazing metal riffs and undecipherable-y pissed vocals not just throughout the country, but throughout the world!!11. This band is The Makai.

Once upon a time there was a dude named Brandon who would bring badass metal shows to town, and was possibly the biggest fan of heavy music ever to have lived in the Northern California area. Despite his dashing good looks and his brutal vocals, he had difficulties finding disciples to follow him on his journey to metal superstardom. But ever so slowly, after blowing through every drummer in Chico and the surrounding 5 counties (including yours truly), not to mention a litany of guitarists, bassists, second vocalists and hangers on, Brandon found his ideal bandmates — veterans of the local metal, hardcore, crust and punk scenes — and the Makai was formed. They wasted no time in stacking ultimate fame, getting signed to Seventh Rule and releasing their debut full-length The End of All You Know. After touring the US last summer, The Makai are at present on a plane to the Old World, set to make their European debut in the Dutch city of Utrecht on the 27th. For more on The Makai, check out a couple interviews with the band in the Music Archives on good ol’ Synthesis.net. Or if you’re a member of the European Union check the band live on the following dates and be sure to ask them about their Arrowhead Water sponsorship.

A few years back, one of the coolest things about living in Chico was that there was this dude, Donovan Phillips who paid college girls and local dirtheads like $500 to come to his studio and take a bunch of naked pictures, then he would sell them to amateur porn websites, or just use them on his own sizeable stable of web sites. This provided an unending stream of lulz for myself and other bored Synthesis employees, who would spend hours looking through these web sites looking for girls we knew so we could bookmark that shit and fap afterhours. Best of all, thanks to our Secret Data Mining Tool, this was all done for the all-time low price of FREE. But then one day the fun ended. Donovan Phillips, whose real name is Donny Pauling decided to give up his empire of local porn for a higher calling. He gave away his web sites and started getting pissed about porn. So he joined up with the folks at XXXchurch.com, which might sound scandalous but is actually just a bunch of dudes trying to exorcise the porn devil from America’s good Christian folk. From their website:

I guess deep down inside all we want is to know that everything is going to be all right. We ask ourselves the question…is there something wrong with me because I am struggling with pornography? With this issue comes a lot of shame and guilt. It’s a dirty little secret that you can’t let out and in the meantime you feel like pond scum.

At XXXchurch we want to let you know that you are loved by God and by the people involved in this ministry. You are not alone. You do not have to carry this burden any longer. The entire reason for having this website is to give people hope and to let them know that there is help.

Right now it comes down to a conscious decision to do something about it. We know it’s easy to simply click away and view porn sites. It’s free…it’s accessible…and everybody is doing it!! You can decide today to get honest about your life and where all this is heading. Do it today!

And this is fine. I’m down with being down with the King and all that. And besides, the amount of fame Donny Pauling stacked as Donovan Phillips is paling in comparison with his fame as Donny Pauling, Porn Avenger. Next week, he will be appearing on ABC’s Nightline, debating the merits of porn with none other than Ron Jeremy at Yale University. And Pauling thinks he got the best of Jeremy, and his partner on the pro-porn side, adult film star Monnique.

“I think we spanked them; I think we won,” Pauling said via telephone from his Corning home. “Their arguments were freedom of expression, but just because we can do something doesn’t mean we should.

I definitely recommend checking out Donny’s blog about his experiences here, especially his Porn Stories about the often untold personal costs of being involved in porn. Makes me glad those photos of me never got out…

 Our good friends and perennial winners of Best Unsigned Band Competitions,  Brighten just announced that they are hitting the road with another band we are quite fond of, Envy on the Coast for a couple weeks next month before they head to Irvine for Bamboozle Left. If you’re lucky enough to live in any of these cities, attendance is mandatory!

Mar 16 2008
Cambridge Room @ HOB w/ The Maine and more! Dallas, Texas
Mar 18 2008
The Social Orlando, Florida
Mar 19 2008
Studio A Miami, Florida
Mar 20 2008
The Orpheum Tampa, Florida
Mar 21 2008
Landshark Cafe Atlantic Beach, Florida
Mar 22 2008
Rocketown Nashville, Tennessee
Mar 24 2008
Bulldog Cafe Louisville, Kentucky
Mar 26 2008
Mac’s Bar Lansing, Michigan
Mar 27 2008
Mojoes Rock House Tinley Park, Illinois
Mar 28 2008
The Basement Columbus, Ohio
Mar 29 2008
Xtreme Wheelz Buffalo, New York
Mar 30 2008
Siren Records Doylestown, Pennsylvania
Apr 5 2008
Bamboozle Left Irvine, California

So for this week’s Meet the Synthesis, I’d like to introduce you to our hometown, the lovely, if not somewhat remote, Chico, CA. I would regale you with all the stats and whos, whats and wheres, but that’s why they invented Wikipedia. Instead, I will just post this YouTube clip, which in 30 seconds, encapsulates perfectly the real heart and soul of Chico.

Now you know.