First off, I didn’t contact this person so when they wrote the subject of the email they actually typed in “Re:”. I have little interest in becoming a mystery shopper, which always sounded like it fit in the “too good to be true so therefore it’s not” category, but who knows, maybe this scam is right for you.

On the other hand, this email gave me a great tip: next time I go shopping I am going to whisper things about “my secret shopper gig” to whoever’s with me: CUSTOMER SERVICE TIME!

Re: Mystery~Secret Shopper [$650/week]

Thank you for your interest in the Mystery Shopper position.

Our company conducts surveys and evaluates other companies in order to help them achieve their performance goals. We offer an integrated suite of business solutions that enables corporations to achieve tangible results in the marketplace. We get hired by other companies and act like customers to find out how they are handling their services in relation to their customers.

Mystery Shopping is the most accurate and reliable tool a business can use to gather information regarding their actual customer service performance at the moment of truth. This moment of truth is not when the staff is on their best behavior because the boss is around - it is when they interact with customers during their normal daily routines. This is where you, the Mystery Shopper, come in. You pose as an ordinary customer and provide feedback of both factual observations (ex…the floor was free of debris) and your own opinions (ex…I felt that the temperature in the establishment was too cold).

Mystery Shoppers must remain anonymous. You must act as a regular customer and be careful not to do anything that would reveal you as a shopper. An inexperienced shopper could tip off the staff to his/her identity by asking for the manager’s name for no clear or appropriate reason. If you are going to be bringing someone with you on the shop, make sure you educate them about the process as well. Beware that even whispers can be overheard by employees. If anyone notices you are a shopper, you can bet that word will quickly spread around the establishment and you will get some of the best customer service in town. No company can afford to have a gap between the promise of quality and its actual delivery, that’s why leading corporations look to us, the nation’s premiere mystery shopping and customer experience measurement company.

In order for a business to effectively compete in today’s economy, they must be prepared to meet the challenge of increasing sales by:
* Retaining existing customers
* Acquiring new customers
* Creating word-of-mouth advocacy
* Improving customer loyalty

Once we have a contract to do so, you would be directed to the company or outlet, and you would be given the funds you need to do the job(either purchase merchandise or require services), after which you would write a detailed report of your experience.

Examples of details you would forward to us are:
1) How long does it take to get served.
2) Politeness of the attendant.
3) Customer service professionalism.
4) Sometimes you might be required to upset the attendant, to see how they deal with difficult clients.

Then we turn the information over to the company executives and they will carry out their own duties in improving their services. Most companies employ our assistance when people complain about their services, or when they feel there is a need for them to improve upon their customer service. Our company partners with you to implement proven mystery shop auditing and surveying strategies that provide critical information about customer experiences. You will be paid a commission of $100 for every duty you carry out, and bonus on your transportation allowance. Your task will be to evaluate and comment on customer service in a wide variety of restaurants, retail stores, casinos, shopping malls, banks and hotels in your area.

Qualities of a good Mystery Shopper:
* Is 21 years of age or older
* Loves to go shopping
* Is fair and objective
* Is ON TIME
* Is very observant and able to focus on details
* Is fairly intelligent
* Has patience
* Is detail oriented
* Is practical
* Types well
* Is trustworthy * Explains well in writing
* Is discreet * Loves to learn * Handles deadlines * Has full internet access (at home or at work)

Mystery Shopping is fun and exciting but also must be approached very seriously and is definitely not for everyone. If you are interested in applying for consideration as a Mystery Shopper do send in your information only at our e-mail: michael.bernard55@gmail.com

Full Name:
Address: City:
State:
Zip Code:
Phone Number:
Age:
Occupation:

As soon as we receive your information we will add you to our database and we will look for locations in your area that needs to be evaluated. If you have any questions please reply on our e-mail: michael.bernard55@gmail.com

Thank you,
Michael Bernard
Best Surveys
505 Barranca Parkway
michael.bernard55@gmail.com
Irvine, CA 92604-3703

As far as this year goes, I’m really only thankful for two things: Jack and shit. And really, Jack is starting to get a little out of my price range, so I guess I should say “Jim and shit.” Or “well and shit.” Or maybe just shit.
I mean, I guess it could be worse. It could always be worse. You could chop off my balls and feed them to me and it could be worse: after all, there’s plenty of people out there who don’t got nothing to eat. But I’ve always been a “could be better” type of person. Call me an optimistic pessimist. Or a pessimistic optimist. Call me whatever the fuck you want, just don’t call me late for dinner. Even if the main course is my own balls. After all, it could be a lot worse!
It’d be easy to, like everybody else in this country, to pin all my angst on the fact that I’m broke as fuck. Because I really am broke as fuck. In fact, I’m way worse than that: I was broke a few months ago, but then I kept going in the wrong direction, now I’d be doing good to be back to broke. I could sell most of my shit, pay off a meager portion of my sundry debts, and still probably qualify as “broke.” But being is actually kind of badass. Its like when you get tired of beating the game on beginner, you put that shit on advanced. I mean, if I had money I’d probably just sit at my gigantic house and eat nachos and watch movies and pet my fucking badass dog and fuck with all the totally awesome entertainment devices I’d have and make all my not-rich friends come to me. But being broke makes you get out amongst it and look for the angles; it makes you relish the hook-up. Those who say “there’s no such thing as a free lunch” have obviously never been broke enough. Now that I think about, being broke is probably one of the few bright spots in my otherwise dismal life. If it weren’t for being broke, I’d probably really be fucking bummed out.

The election inspired me to drink!!!

THE OBAMA MARTINI
1½ oz. Cîroc Vodka
¾ oz. pineapple juice
1 oz. cranberry juice
Splash of triple sec

Preparation: Shake ingredients over ice and strain into a wine glass.

THE MCCAIN MARTINI
1 oz. Cîroc Vodka
1 oz. Orange Juice
Splash of Ginger Ale

Preparation: Shake ingredients over ice and strain into a chilled martini glass.

The first drink will make you dream that you’re being trampled by a herd of elephants. The McCain martini will make you hee-haw like a donkey.

Synthesis has been long time fans of all things coming from the Ironworks label. Hell, whatever Kiefer Sutherland’s involved with is a-okay with us. Especially da booze. We don’t mess with Jack Bauer. That’s why today we’re taking fate into our own hands and voting the crap out of HoneyHoney for MTVu’s top video. Here’s their single, “Little Toy Gun”, directed by Kiefer himself:

honeyhoney - Little Toy Gun video

Like it? Go here and vote for ‘em.

On the way to work I overheard this tasty little exchange:

[young spare-change punks to dude on biscycle] (unintelligible shouting)
[dude on bicycle] Do I know you?
[young spare-change punk] No.
[dude on bicycle] Good. Let’s keep it that way.

early win.

A study released today showed that the children of mother’s who drank lightly during pregnancy scored better on tests and were overall better behaved than the children of mother’s who abstained from alcohol completely:

Researchers found there was no link between light drinking in pregnancy–defined as one to two units a week, or on occasion–and any behavioural or cognitive problems in children at the age of three.

Surprisingly, the University College London study found that some of the children of light-drinking mothers appeared to be doing better than the babies of those who abstained.

Boys born to mothers who drank lightly were 40% less likely to have conduct problems and 30% less likely to be hyperactive, even when the differences between social and economic circumstances were taken into account. They also scored more highly in vocabulary tests and were better able to identify shapes, colours, letters and numbers.

The research has the authority of a large study–it involved 12,495 children–but is likely to further fuel the controversy over alcohol in pregnancy.

Fuck with it!