I guess that there was some GQ Man of the Year awards show recently. While presenting some award for best argyle socks or nicest comb-over or whatever the hell that awards show is about, Lily Allen and Elton decided to get in a little bit of a fight. Lily was drunk, Elton makes coke references, you know, the usual.

From her Facebook:

I’m not defending my drunkeness because i don’t need to, i’m 23 it was an awards ceremony i drank the free champagne, how awful of me.
Trying to create a feud on the other hand, and trying to make me out as being some rude little girl with a drink problem is just unfair, Elton and I exchanged jokes and there were no hard feelings at all, infact neither of us gave it a second thought. It’s sad that an evening enjoyed by all had to ruined by some bitter journos again.

Aaron Sorkin, screenwriter of Charlie Wilson’s War and The West Wing, is scripting a movie all about FACEBOOK and its formation. Weird.

Paramount Pictures wanted to keep the film on the down low but Sorkin leaked this information on his Facebook page, but of course.

Facebook was created in 2004 on the Harvard campus by sophomore student Mark Zuckerberg and has now grown to over 60 million members. Facebook is valued at $16 billion and big companies like Microsoft and Google have been in a bidding war over the company.

The movie will focus on how Zuckerberg and his associate’s lives have changed after becoming an overnight sensation. Sounds a little dry. I don’t think I could justify paying money to watch an entire movie about Facebook unless it was a long slideshow of extremely drunk people doing things (like driving the porcelain bus) that would embarrass their families, bosses and co-workers.

For the literally tens of thousands of people looking up Bigfoot right now, I have a message. First to the ones who believe that the creature’s actual carcass was discovered: no way. I know for a fact that that’s a fake. Because I personally own the only bigfoot carcass in the world. I’ll let you see it, but first I have a bridge to sell you. Second to those who believe it’s a fake: duh.

All that quest for knowledge (or Quest For Fire, perhaps?) got you thirsty? Here’s a more tangible solution: Bigfoot Barleywine Ale by Sierra Nevada: Even Michael Jackson is stoked!

From THE MAKER:

This year marks the 25th release of Bigfoot®. Our award-winning barleywine boasts a dense, fruity bouquet, an intense flavor palate and a deep reddish-brown color. Its big maltiness is superbly balanced by a wonderfully bittersweet hoppiness.

“…Bigfoot® captures the imagination, and its character is as big as the name implies, with a huge hoppiness in its earthy aroma, a chewy palate, and a great depth of flavor.”

– Michael Jackson,
Michael Jackson’s Beer Companion

THE TRUTH EXISTS

Happy Friday. Crispy Pabst Roll anyone?

You could probably sell these at baseball games for like $15.

In celebration of the Olympics starting in two days I bring you… Beer Olympics! Jimmy Clausen, Notre Dame quarterback, recently got himself in some hot water for partaking in the Beer Olympics when pictures of the games surfaced. Proof that Facebook really can come back to haunt you.

Basic rules & regulations:

Equipment: Keg (or 2), bat, ping pong balls, hard alcohol, shot glasses, a funnel, red cups, ten+ worthy drunkasses. Matching jerseys will definitely up your teams morale.

Games played, quickly & in order: Dizzy bat, beer pong, flip cup, quarters and the funnel (aka beer bong).

For some reason “The Thong Song” is the theme song of the opening ceremonies and the Baja Men are supposed to play as the winner stands on the podium.

The Rules, Events, and Ways to Become a Champion:

In the real Olympics (the one without the beer) there are multiple events with solo and/or team competitors all vying for medals in a variety of sports. You don’t have the time, energy, or alcohol tolerance to do any of this, so the best way to have the most fun while getting the largest number of competitors involved is the Team Relay event. Take your participants and split them in half, preferably in old school kickball pick-teams style, and be sure to choose your team wisely as they’ll have to be skilled in all areas of drinking and boast a very high alcohol tolerance, an uncanny ability to play drinking games, and most likely an embarrassing GPA. Now that you’ve got your team and forced them through the random drug testing, to make sure that they are inebriated, you can move on to the competition.

Although it’s getting better now that the day is progressing, strolling in here this morning was like walking into a scene from Dawn of the Dead. We put a man on the moon, can fit supercomputer’s worth of knowledge on phones and made Egos with filling in them, but somehow modern science has yet to figure out how to kill a hangover. Brilliant. While the surefire way to not be hung all day is to not consume a case or 3 of beer, there’s a couple of options you have with battling the symptoms.

Pantera were always know for being massive drinkers, and rumor has it that they used to take cases of Pedialyte with them on tour. Back in the day, every time I went to Costco I would pick up some. While most of us will reach for Gatorade, the fact is that there’s way too much sugar in these suckers to make you feel better, and at most it will take away the dry throat. Pedialyte is formulated for children’s diarrhea problems, and it gets you replenished in no time.

For the super br00tal mornings, there’s a recipe that will knock all the bad feelings out of you. Check it:

1. Take 2 aspirin
2. Take 200mg cysteine (available at specialty food stores)
3. Take 600mg vitamin C
4. Take 1 tablet vitamin B-complex
5. Mix the following ingredients together in a blender:

* 1 banana
* 1 small can V-8
* 6 large strawberries
* 2 tablespoons honey
* 1 cup orange juice
* 1-2 cups milk (or soy milk), to desired consistency
* ¼ tsp. salt
* dash of nutmeg
6. Drink it all up.

I used to do a variation of this about 2 years ago when my liver could take a beating, and it almost forces the bad feelings out of you (either by being effective or making you throw everything up). The trick is the cysteine…

There are several things, however, that you can put into your body to ease the pain and assist rapid recovery, including a little-known substance called cysteine. Cysteine directly counteracts the poisonous effects of acetaldehyde.

Last is for when you just don’t give a fuck: get back on the wagon! Go down to the pub and order a Bloody Mary. Although it’s not fixing much, it’ll soothe you back into the real world.