This Is My Final Form

FUCKYEAHHARLAND!!

bleh

What the hell was Pepsi thinking? The new logos look like Obama’s American Sunshine and Happiness logo and the old Pepsi logo got together and made a god forsaken logo baby. I am also wondering why the stripe of white has different widths on each different kind of Pepsi. Is that some kind of measurement of radiation, who knows? Apparently Pepsi does not credit their consumers with an abundance of intelligence, the only complete words on any of the bottles are Pepsi and dew. “Cal” and “Carb” are acceptable abbreviations, but “Sug” is only two letters away from the real deal and there is plenty of space on that hideous label. Years from now soda will be identified by color only, we will no longer have the need to actually read anything. Yes, you heard it here, the Pepsi corporation is attempting to slowly dumb-down the entire U.S. population in order to make us mindless, brown(or green)-soda drinking, consumer zombies. Once this zombification is complete all other beverages will be banned. A Jack and Coke will become a Pepsi and nothing. You have been warned.

Interesting times on the local brew scene. Butte Creek, the bookish, club-footed little sibling to its quarterback prom king of a big brother Sierra Nevada, is closing its Chico brewery and moving its brewing operations  to Mendocino.

The Mendocino Brewing Co., best know for its hoppy Red Tail ales, will now be be brewing the formerly local Butte Creek. Too bad; loss of jobs in unemployed-ass Chico is bad enough, but Butte Creek  finally hit the nail on its head  with their Blue Marble Organic Pilsner. Turns out a case of that makes a better oat soada than a foot rest. Goodbye free beer for Synthesis!

Lyrics to Sir Douglas Quintet’s “Mendocino” after the jump.

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Today as I strolled in I found a press release on my desk about a company called Port-o-Pong. First, I was moderately offended that my office presumed that I’m that heavy of a drinker that I would be interested in any form of drinking toy they found. Then I realized I’ve been here a year and they’ve got me pretty figured out by now, so I typed in their URL and started to look around.

The Port-O-Pong is an inflatable beer pong table that looks like a one-man raft. With indentations for all 20 cups and a bonus hole for 2 water cups (ironic that it’s intended to be a floating beer pong table, yet has room for water cups…), I’m assuming it would be a great time to throw down some pool pong on it. Immediately I thought of busting it out on our own watering hole, the Sacramento River, but it’s like 100 ft. deep or something like that and treading water while playing drinking games seems like a stupid, yet epic, way to die.

It would be useful if the fine people at Port-O-Pong would send us over one of these bad boys, you know, so we could do a thorough review of their product… we’ll review the hell out of it.

About this much: