I received a message from my publicist buddy Matt, who spoke to Kermit at IAJE last summer. Kermit was paying $5,000 per week on antibiotics alone. Encourage people to make tax-deductible donations, and attend this awesome benefit show if you’re able.

“Though he has never released an album under his own name, the bassist Kermit Driscoll has had a considerable impact in adventurous jazz circles over the last 20 years. Mr. Driscoll first emerged as a close compatriot of the guitarist Bill Frisell during an influential stretch from the mid-1980s through the mid-'90s.

Mr. Driscoll concurrently tangled with an honor roll of downtown composer-improvisers like the alto saxophonist John Zorn and the trumpeter Dave Douglas, with whom he worked in a collective called New and Used.

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Click on Gorgeous Armada Crookbook Episode 1 for healthy eating tips.

Check out the trailer for the new CG-ed out Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles movie, which, according to the write-up, will take more cues from the original Mirage Studios comic as opposed to that live action thing with Vanilla Ice. I was a big fan of the black and white indie books growing up, and you’d probably like them too if you’d read them.

And here’s a trailer for The Simpsons movie.

Got a hard-to-shop-for person on your list?
Consider a celebrity butt-plug!
They can also craft custom units. Bea Arthur, Your next door neighbor, your mom etc.

Elvis Presley impersonators, historically barred from the gates of The King’s Graceland Estate and hunted down like rabid dogs, will finally be given their proper acknowledgement by the powers that be.

ELVIS PRESLEY ENTERPRISES ANNOUNCES FIRST-EVER OFFICIAL ELVIS TRIBUTE ARTIST CONTEST WITH THE WINNER NAMED (ELVIS TRIBUTE ARTIST OF THE YEAR�

MEMPHIS, TN – November 16, 2006 – For the first time ever, Elvis Presley Enterprises, Inc. (EPE) will produce an official Elvis tribute artist competition. The company announced today that it will launch a search for contestants for the (Ultimate Elvis Tribute Artist Contest.� Contestants will be selected at existing Elvis tribute artist contests, along with fairs, festivals and other venues holding new contests. The qualifying rounds and finals will be held in Memphis during the 30th Anniversary Elvis Week.

SPECULATION:
While this event is momentous (to a small, yet vocal segment of society I suppose), I believe that this event will prompt something truly spectacular, more so than 1,000 shaking and convulsing Elvi. (ed. note: yes, the plural form of (Elvis� is (Elvi.� Just like the plural form of (Jesus� is (Jesi.�)

It is my belief that the sheer power of The Ultimate Elvis Tribute Contest will force Andy Kaufman to stun the world by bringing himself back from the dead, coming out of retirement to WIN THE WHOLE SHEBANG. Imagine, if you will, the looks on all the contestants faces when the first nationally recognized Elvis impersonator reveals that he had, as often speculated, faked his own death in 1984, only to return when the world most needed him: to thwart the 4th sign of the apocalypse. (Bible historians have often noted that the 4th sign of the apocalypse will be 1,000 Elvi assembled in one place, doing pelvic thrusts. It's true, look it up.) That shit will be epic.

Official Release
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in brief

Kevin Federline might not be completely retarded - talentless? Yes. White trash? Yes. Complete retard? Maybe not. Looks like Kfed has a FOUR HOUR SEX TAPE of him and Spears on their honeymoon. That’s like as long as one of those extended Lord of the Rings movies… let the race to the bottom continue.