Damnit. That’s what you get for not fully fact checking and especially paying close attention to dates. The lunar eclipse and satellite shoot-down madness already happened. No nuclear holocaust (awwwwww.). This slip-up makes this post even funnier and probably more idiotic, and certainly puts distress on my non-existent blogging reputation. I guess I could change my alias, since everyone tries to pronounce it, but can’t (hahaha suckers.). Or I could just take it down in an attempt not to look like a jackass, but Daniel Taylor already knows, so I am basically screwed. (rawr)

Sorry, no Lunar Eclipse or Nuclear War. Didn’t mean to get your hopes up, but it’s not like you’re going to have to wait much longer.

Sometime in 2005 I made a journey to New Zealand. Most of the details of this trip are very irrelevant to the purpose of this post, so don’t mind as I skip to a certain story.

Me and a friend I was traveling with were hitch-hiking from Nelson Creek NZ (after visiting the Nelson Creek Skateboard factory) to a remote town also on the South Island of New Zealand. It was raining, damn hard and freaking cold. A kind, yet eccentric man pulled over and offered us a well-recieved ride. His car was packed, he could barely fit our bags, let alone us and our damp fabrics. He strongly expressed that he would normally never pick up a hitch-hiker, but that this time he had some sort of hunch that we were American.

It didn’t take me long to label him as your run-of-the-mill conspiracy nut, filled with facts, fears and rationalizations about the government. But as time went on intellect and genius began to peak through his fact-less arguments. He talked heavily about the health care scam, false prophecies, the world bankers’ scam and New Orleans (which had happened 5-6 weeks earlier). He explained how humans were to be sorted into categories once martial law took place; green for the fully impressioned (zombies), yellow for those who needed further conditioning (the sell-outs) and red, those who would be a ‘danger’ to society and would need to be terminated (the revolutionaries). After that bit I was sure the guy was crazy, and nothing really sunk in until he made a certain direct prophecy, one that stuck with me all these years.

He predicted that the United States was going to ‘kill’ a spy satellite, and this event would somehow cause a conflict with Russia, thus starting a major conflict, such as a nuclear war. He also said this would happen Early 2008.

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As announced last Friday, the world’s most irresponsibly deadly animated metal band, Dethklok, will be hitting the road starting June 2nd to annihilate the masses in real time. This is of course exciting in and of itself. But in addition, the barbaric five piece has been busy sharpening their guitar headstocks and Flying V tail fins for decapitations/impalings on the continuation of their second season on [adult swim], which will premier Sunday, May 18th at the only time imaginable (midnight). This follows up a wildly successful start:

In fall 2007, a real-life version of Dethklok, led by co-creator Brendon Small, embarked on a national tour, playing at college campuses around the United States. The college tour heralded the release of the hugely successful album The Dethalbum. The album features songs written and performed by Small from the first season of Metalocalypse, and it debuted at #21 on the Billboard Top 200 as the highest-charting death metal album of all time. Dethklok will embark on its second nationwide tour this summer when Adult Swim Presents Metalocalype’s Dethklok kicks-off on June 2 and travels to 28 cities.

Now that the US Supreme Court has ruled to uphold the use of lethal injections as a form of capital punishment, the state of California is chomping at the bit to off some of its more undesirable residents.

California hasn’t killed anyone since January 2006 when it sent 76-year-old triple murderer Clarence Allen down the River Styx. He was the oldest inmate on death row at the time and had his sentence delayed for health and age reasons. I guess they need to be good and healthy to die. There is, however, another hurdle to clear before the killings can continue.

U.S. District Judge Jeremy Fogel in San Jose had ordered a temporary halt to executions in California after finding the state’s lethal injection procedures were unconstitutional. A decision by Fogel on whether a new execution protocol by the state meets constitutional requirements is pending.

A hearing in the case has been set for June, but [Chief Assistant Attorney General Dane] Gillette said it may be moved up as a result of today’s high court ruling. The state plans to ask Fogel to lift his court order and permit executions to resume.

Even if Fogel rules quickly for the state, another legal challenge pending in a California appellate court will prevent the state from executing inmates immediately. Gillette said the state would press for a quick resolution in that case, which was unaffected by the Supreme Court decision.

Once the executions resume, they’ll be housed in fancy new digs.

State officials last year began building a larger, better illuminated death chamber designed for lethal injection executions. Gillette said construction has been completed.

The old facility, built in 1937 as the state’s gas chamber, was criticized as dimly lit and crowded, relegating executioners outside the death room and making it difficult for them to properly monitor possible problems with the intravenous drug injections.

The new chamber cost $399,000 to build, which meant it didn’t need legislative approval. Gillette said it’s “certainly feasible” for executions to resume by the end of the year, at a clip of one lethal injection per month.

Heidi Montag was on TRL yesterday with Nelly and some dude that was sitting on his couch with a hand held camera decided to tape it. The quality isn’t great (cinematography wise) but the content is simply amazing. Our favorite Hills character Montag attempted to freestyle and it truly shows the depth of just how bad she actually sucks. Plus, I have a theory that she was actually created in a lab and is an no talent assclown cyborg from the future.

John A. Wheeler died of pneumonia Sunday at his home in Hightstown, NJ. He was 96 years old. Wheeler was a contemporary of Albert Einstein and Niels Bohr and had been credited with coining the phrase “black hole” in reference to a collapsed star. If it weren’t for Wheeler, the term might have been the less-sexy “gravitationally completely collapsed star,” which would have been sucky.

Wheeler also had a hand in the creation of the atomic bomb. Unlike other people involved with the project, Wheeler’s only regret was that it wasn’t completed sooner to bring a faster end to the European theater of World War II, which claimed the life of his brother Joe in 1944. Wheeler later helped develop the hydrogen bomb.

Receiving his doctorate at just 21 years old, Wheeler also taught at Princeton and the University of Texas at Austin (Hook ‘em Horns!). One of his students was Richard Feynman, who went on to win the Noble Prize in 1965. Wheeler is survived by three children as well as some grandchildren and great-grandchildren.