In Royal Palm Beach, Flordia a 70-year-old Wal Mart employee got pissed and beat the shit out of an 81-year-old Wal Mart employee with a price gun. Maybe they were fighting over the price of gas or the wonderful health care that Wal-Mart provides its’ employees.

From AP:

An arrest report say a 70-year-old man attacked an 81-year-old man with a pricing gun inside a Wal-Mart. The report says Dennis O’Brien and John Esposito began arguing Sunday and O’Brien swung at Esposito with the tool in his right hand.

Authorities say Esposito suffered a swollen left eye and cuts on his nose and mouth. Esposito said both he and O’Brien worked at Wal-Mart. He would not discuss the nature of their argument. The report says O’Brien told a sheriff’s deputy he acted in self-defense, but security tape showed O’Brien raising his hand first, striking Esposito in the face and then pushing him to the ground. Officials booked O’Brien into the Palm Beach County Jail on aggravated battery charges.

Nice.

Hills star / spawn of Satan / Hollywood star Heidi Montag told Us Weekly “I’m voting for John McCain, I’m a Republican and McCain has a lot of experience.” Montag then minimized her endorsement and refered to herself in the third person saying “I don’t think anyone cares who Heidi Montag votes for.”

In what might possibily be scarer news John McCain admits to Time magazine that he watches The Hills: “I’m honored to have Heidi’s support and I want to assure her that I never miss an episode of ‘The Hills,’ especially since the new season started”. He also added “she’s a very talented actress” which defies all logic and makes me start to think that the early stages of senility have kicked in.

Hopefully no one will tell her that you actually have to register to vote before you can actually vote.

First stop on the upcoming New Kids on the Block reunion is New Jersey - soccer moms and Milf’s everywhere are firing up the mini vans and SUVs. One might think the original five - Joey McIntyre, Donnie Wahlberg, Jonathan Knight, and Danny Wood - might consider a name change since the youngest is now 35 (McIntyre) and the oldest is 39 (Knight). They’re also releasing their next record on Interscope and being managed by industry veteran and certified badass Irving Azoff. With Azoff in the mix it’s only a matter of time before teen girls are texting “OMFG NKOTB!!!!111″

From NJ.com:

The group — which ruled the pop charts in the late’80s and early’90s, and headlined shows at arenas and stadiums — has reunited, and will make its first concert performance in 14 years at the Izod Center in East Rutherford, May 17.
Their set will be part of radio station Z100’s annual “Zootopia” concert. The rest of the lineup is pretty impressive, too. Miley Cyrus of “Hannah Montana” fame will perform, as will “American Idol” winner Jordin Sparks, the Jonas Brothers, OneRepublic, Simple Plan, Gavin DeGraw and Ferras.

King of crazy Charles Manson released a new record this week via the opensource copyright organization Creative Commons just like Radiohead and Nine Inch Nails. What’s Creative Commons? Well…

Creative Commons provides free tools that let authors, scientists, artists, and educators easily mark their creative work with the freedoms they want it to carry. You can use CC to change your copyright terms from “All Rights Reserved” to “Some Rights Reserved.”

You can download it here I’m sure it’s less than awesome.

In other news somewhat related to both crazy and Manson Lindsay Lohan will star in an upcoming movie about Charles Manson aptly titled Manson Girls. She will play Nancy Pitman, one of Manson’s cult followers/whores in the movie. She’ll also be getting naked in front of the camera (again).

Amy Winehouse was turned away from a jailhouse visit with her husband Blake today. This is big news considering it’s probably the 5th time its happened. After getting turned away she “went for a sandwich.” Oh, she’s also recording with Mark Ronson and doing a track for the Quantum Of Solace which is the 22nd James Bond film.

In other news there’s still major civil unrest in Tibet and um… there’s a crooked war going on too but we’d rather talk about the pregnant dude in Oregon.

A rare find in Utah has biologists stumped. A mysterious fanged critter (pictured above) was found in Utah after some ice melted.

The strange creature was found after about 4,000 fish were discovered dead in a Brigham City pond, according to officials.

Officials said the pond may have been poisoned or the water may have run out of oxygen due to the thick ice.

While checking the pond, the creature was spotted.

“When we first saw that fish, we thought what in the ….. is that thing?” Utah Divison of Wildlife Resources Ben Boyce said.

The aquatic chupacabra-looking thing was found with carp and goldfish that had been stocked in a Brigham City pond. Biologists haven’t a clue what the fuck the thing is, but they postulate that it may be a trout that has decomposed in such a way that the teeth became more prominent. That sounds like bullshit to me, but whatever. Clearly, it’s some kind of underwater demon. Researchers are waiting for it to decompose entirely so they can study the bone structure. More pictures of the creature can be found here.